So DH and I have been going to marriage counseling (which I highly recommend if you can find a good one--and male. I find DH respects male authority a bit better than female authority but that's probably most men) and one of the things it's helped me with is growing a backbone about MIL.

Before, she pretty much walked all over me and stressed me out, passive aggressively attacking me when her mood was right, doing things to make me uncomfortable just to see if she can make me squirm, demanding (and me acquiescing) to letting her see BD any time she wanted, even if that meant changing my schedule. I don't think DH even knew how badly it affected me until I damn near had a mental breakdown. It's weird, because I am not someone who allows herself to be walked on in normal circumstances (and almost got into a fight with a chick at a restaurant who was racistly harassing the waitress.) But something about wanting to have a happy family with MIL I guess and that made me weak.

So now DH is taking over everything in regards to ANY contact with his mother. He has a long way to go, which includes at least picking up the phone so she doesn't start calling ME when she can't reach him. I also no longer am going to be dropping BD or picking her up for a visit with MIL--solely DH's job and on his schedule, which means the time MIL gets to see BD has been dramatically reduced to about twice a week for a total of 7 hours or so.

And MIL is freaking the fuck out. Like she BUGGIN'.

She called DH a few weeks ago accusing him of saying he was never going to let her see BD again (are you sure you don't have him confused with BM?) Then every time I have to see her she keeps saying how she'll gladly watch BD if I have errands to run, which I keep responding, "Talk to DH about it, he doesn't want me driving while being so pregnant." She lives about 20 minutes away so dropping BD off and then going BACK HOME to do errands is crazy, and I don't want her in my house because she will inevitably make some snarky comments.

Then Mother's Day she tried to guilt me into it saying BD was asking her to see her more etc. (She's 2 and a half, all she cares about is her macaroni and chocolate milk, like shit, you think she thinks that far without some grooming from MIL?) I almost got into a fight with DH because I was like, why didn't you explain it clearly to her so she can't corner me? And then I found out he's already told her over and over again and she's just trying to work me because DH is firm. So he's going to be a bite more aggressive and tell her she needs to leave me out of it.

I'm at a point where I'm seriously resenting/hating MIL and once that happens, it's REALLY hard to not. I talked to DH about it and my question is kind of, how do I at least not hate/resent her (given I know she will never apologize til the day she dies for all she put me through) and not feel my skin crawl or my hackles raise every time we have to be around her.

His response was, "You don't have to because I feel the same way."

But, learning to let it go is for MY emotional health, not for anyone else, because she is eventually going to pass away and I don't want to feel any guilt over this.

So I'm kind of lost now.