Hard for me to empathize although I do sympathize with you all!!!
I KNOW that I’m gonna get some serious flack for this…and my intent is not to put any kind of division in the forum b/c I am truly grateful for and appreciate ALL of your perspectives and opinions…they are what get me through the day most days!!! But I’ve been wondering this for a while now (ever since there was a thread a while back about it in which half of the group indicated that this was their situation) and I just have to ask…is there a different dynamic/expectation level when we are talking about marriages that began as adulterous affairs? I hate to even make any distinctions but I even seen a smidge of difference when the couple is living apart and going through a divorce (paper work just not complete yet but both know it is over) vs. when there is an affair….this is my first marriage and so I can only see I through one set of lenses…I guess my question is what do we/you expect when you “come into” your marriage this way…my dad and stepmom (I ADORE them BOTH and I think you all know that!) started as an affair…it was a LONG ROAD TO HOE…and in a way I feel like whatever she went through…she definitely asked for it! She has since apologized to my mother for being my dad’s mistress and they (she and my mom) have a GREAT relationship…but from the kids perspective…there are things that she would say that would piss my younger brother off like… “Oh, I was going to go to that even with you and your dad…” and my brother will feel a cringe like… “HELLO LADY…my dad and mom were still together when my dad took me to that event!!!” She doesn’t even realize that she does/says little stuff that set him/us off and we are all grown now (10+ years have passed)…So I guess my point is…we well I don’t know what my point is…just a rant really but…as a wife…it is REALLY hard for me to “get it” when we are talking about adultery…OKAY…you can all Tar and Feather me now!!! Just promise that you’ll still be my friends afterwards!! *SMILE*