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And this is why I will always hate BM

Ninji's picture

This was BM's weekend to have SS.

When he came home from her house, he had this conversation with DH...

SS - I'm sooo glad to be home

DH - Why's that?

SS - Because there is no food at my mom's house. I'm starving. I feel sorry for SD having to live there with no food.

Food has been an ongoing issue with BM. Skids have resorted to eating frozen French fries and popcorn for dinner. Whenever DH complains to BM about it, she insists there is plenty of food in the freezer. Yeah, because an 11 yr old knows all about defrosting and cooking frozen food.

But it's ok for BM and the new boytoy. They work in a bar that serves basket food, so they just eat at work.

Every time he comes back from her house he is starving.


ProbablyAlreadyInsane's picture

BM has never fed our skids either... She might take them once a day to get food, refuses to cook, doesn't keep food they'll eat on hand, and will bring them back LATE and without having fed them since like 10AM... It's disgusting... I'm glad they don't really go back anymore... BM claims them for food stamps (we reported it, her SM reported it, my mom reported it) but they won't investigate it, because she's a "single mom." *eye roll* Seeing kids 4 times in 6 months, no call on SD9's birthday or even thanksgiving... Yeah.. "Single mom"

I feel awful whenever they end up spending time with her... And they come back in complete emotional distress... I feel awful for your SS too... I'm so sorry you're having to watch that happen... Sad So many of these kids deserve SO DANG MUCH better... It sucks to watch...

I love dogs's picture

How much custody does BM have on paper? What a POS for claiming to have kids that she isn't really supporting.

ProbablyAlreadyInsane's picture

On paper? Due to her rant of "it looks bad if the mom doesn't have custody" DH technically has them EOWE... But we have them full time due to a little paper she signed saying "full custody until I 'get my life back on track.'" That was End of May/Beginning of June time frame... Since then she continues to live with the druggie bf and is pregnant with a "gotcha child." And hasn't contacted the skids since she used them for a wedding beginning of last month... It's DISGUSTING. Also I hate that paper... I contemplate all the phone calls I could do to report things some days... LMAO... But that's probably the vindictive side talking...

And if she at least idk, bought them food when she took them I think I'd be a LOT less pissed about it. But if someone is gonna claim those girls it should at least benefit them!

Dontfeedthetrolls's picture

You need to go to court and present this to them. That little paper will mean nothing when she and druggie boyfriend want to run halfway across the country with the kids. One would hope she would just leave them but who knows.

ProbablyAlreadyInsane's picture

If she leaves the state, per the CO, she automatically loses all custodial rights... But it's literally a fear of mine... And I've tried to get DH to take it to court... But he had a friend get super screwed over by the court system and even though he was taking care of the kid, she pulled some crap and got permission to move across the country with the kid, he doesn't get any rights, and pays weird amounts in CS for a kid he doesn't even get to talk to... I honestly think we could win a case like this... But unless DH acts... I can't do anything... A lawyer friend told me the only thing the paper is good for is a custody case to show she willingly walked away... Other than that it has no legal hold and is useless...

Willow2010's picture

A lawyer friend told me the only thing the paper is good for is a custody case to show she willingly walked away.
Was it notarized in court? I think that would be the only way it would hold any water. All she has to say is she did not sign it. They will not hire a handwriting expert for a custody case. Or she will say that she was coerced into signing because DH and your MIL ganged up on her. Ect.

I also meant to ask…is your DH still paying CS and was it court ordered?

ProbablyAlreadyInsane's picture

He's not paying CS. Got that cleared legally thank goodness. He pays more than the CS is worth in daycare monthly. So they approved that. But that's all we have cleared.

Also she may be able to do that. But between the phone records we'd end up submitting at that point with it, and the date on when she ditched and moved in with the bf, and the fact the CO says she's not allowed to live with a person of the opposite gender, she's not related to, unless they're married, all that would add up to it being able to be used. As in she picked the bf over the girls. It helps the bf doesn't believe in marriage. So as long as they aren't married, she's living with him, and she has minimal contact, it should hold up... But I couldn't talk DH into making sure it was notarized or doing an actual legal mediation when she ditched so that it would uphold. So now I get to deal with this mess. And it gets so dang infuriating to just watch it all! Kids shouldn't have to suffer like that! EVER!

Ninji's picture

BM has full custody of SD and we have her every other weekend. SD absolutely does not want to live with us. She has said that over and over again. She is queen B!tch at BM's house. No bedtime, no homework, skips school whenever she feels like it. She does not want to live with us because we have actual rules.

nengooseus's picture

Our BM is CP and she still doesn't feed the skids properly. SD is 13 and has DH's outrageously fast metabolism, and yet BM won't let her eat because she'll "get fat." Other than her boobs, there's not an ounce of fat on this girl (just like there's not on DH). But SD is allowed one serving of foods, and that's it. We're fortunate that she knows her mother's comments are ridiculous, but seriously? Who does that to a kid?!

SS eats like a bird and always has. He's 8, at like the 25th percentile for weight (higher for height, so it looks worse), and he has only lost one tooth (apparently the body doesn't shed like it should when a kid is undernourished). And neither kids sleeps (the 8 year old gets maybe 8 hours at her house), so they're both *constantly* sick.

Dontfeedthetrolls's picture

I guess I already know the answer but is either kid able to contact you guys while they are with BM.
Can they somehow let you know at exactly that moment that they are not being fed?
Might this be something you can have DHS investigate since it is clear neglect.

I mean an 11 year old should have the ability to operate a microwave but to cook a full meal? Without supervision?

I know most likely a dead end with DHS since BM would be able to show there is food but MAYBE DHS could do their job for once and interview the kid who could tell them that BM is not actually feeding them?

Cooooookies's picture

Reporting it for sure but do the kids take overnight bags? Could they start? You could sneak food and label it Friday night, Saturday lunch, Saturday night, etc. At least they'd have something to eat. I realize you shouldn't have to do it but having them fed would be better than wondering if they're starving. Even send instructions for the 11 yo on how to cook certain foods you know BM might have there.

Poor kiddos Sad

Ninji's picture

I thought about sending him with some food. The only thing that makes me hesitate is the fact that he would probably eat it all in one sitting.

Dontfeedthetrolls's picture

At least then he's gotten some sort of food while he is there which will help hold off the starvation.
I know that's not helpful.

Cooooookies's picture

Have a talk with him. In simple terms he can understand so he won't be so starving. It's worth it, just to know his belly will be more full.

Dontfeedthetrolls's picture

Also maybe look at what your putting in there.

You know put in food but not the extra special I want to eat right away stuff. Like Cheerios. If I'm hungry I'll eat them but I'm gonna wait a while.

This isn't to be mean to him but if he can't self manage then you can help.

Or give BM an strongly worded letter saying you know she's not feeding the kid and your contacting CPS because an 11 year old should not be operating a stove unsupervised and she needs to get off her lazy a** and make food for the kids. Or start buying easy meals. Whatever it's her job to feed the kids while they are in her care and she's not even trying it seems.

Willow2010's picture

UGH…I remember SS leaning into our fridge while on the phone with mommy dearest and telling her we had NOTHING to eat. We could have fed our family for a few weeks on the amount of food we had. It was just not the food he WANTED. Grrr. Pisses me off thinking about it. lol

Livingoutloud's picture

My DD loved to tell me that “we have no food”. That usually meant we have no junk or pizza lol we certainly always had food. But if you believe children are starving you need to call CPS asap.

secret's picture

My kids love to tell their dad there's no food in my house.

No, there's no INSTANT food in my house. Their dad is well aware of how I shop and what I buy, I mean, we WERE together for a number of years. lol... so it doesn't work on him. He tells them to make some.

My youngest just turned 12 at the end of October.

I made sure that all 3 of my kids can make some basic food...

- they can all fix themselves a salad - there's always lettuce, tomatoes, onions, peppers, cucumbers, and pickles. Always.
- we always have a couple cartons of eggs. They know how to pan fry them, make an omelette, boil them, make deviled eggs / egg salad
- we always have a bag of potatoes and carrots. They can peel them, cut them, and cook them by either boiling them, or roasting them in the oven in a bakeware dish with some olive oil and salt/pepper. Actually sometimes I ask them to get this ready when I leave work for me.
- they can make kraft dinner and sidekicks
- they can cook frozen pizza / frozen fries / chicken nuggets/fingers
- they can open a can of soup/stew, but they know those are more "emergency food", they have to go down into the basement storage room to get them... lol
- there's always bread, milk and cereal, peanut butter, jam, cheese
- there are also a few packages of pre-made muffin mix / cookie mix... add water and bake sort of thing... they are able to follow those directions. They prefer homemade, but they know how to make them if I haven't gotten around to making anything that weekend.

There's also always bananas, apples, crackers, cheese, granola bars, applesauce, yogurt, carrots/celery cut in sticks, dip/dressing, and now and then I'll buy treats like bear paws or other snack cake type thing like wagon wheels...

Yet... there's no food. *rolls eyes*