Stepson moving in & on drugs
So stepson 24 has now been here for 6 weeks he's openly stated he slept with a tinder girl just 3 days after breaking up even before he moved his things out ex- fiance's house & was dating 3 girls at once & has now picked the one with a house & money to be his girlfriend. I'm absolutely disgusted with his behaviour & lack of respect, he has asked numerous times if she can stay over I deny no way in hell if you want to shack up get your own place. He has chosen to only see his one years old daughter every fortnight weekend but tells ex he will visit during the week but never does she knows he dosnt give a shit about there daughter & I was doing most of the caring but last week I refused to watch her so he can work ( he's not saving to leave ) so no more. My husband says we need to help him but I continually tell him to man up & stop enabling him he has it too easy & remember he picked drugs over his partner & baby he disgusts me. We argue most days because he talks alot but has no actions no back bone, as I say to my DH - you were younger & stepped up & raised your son, worked two jobs to support him & buy a home & always put him first why don't you expect the same from him what kind of father do you want for your grandaughter. He's still doing drugs & DH knows he smokes pot daily he's not allowed by child's mother to have her in the car with him so I do pick up & drop off & at first DH agreed but now he thinks as long as he dosnt do it on baby's weekend its ok but I also busted him smoking pot when baby was here & DH was away & of course he denied it & DH said f all. This boy is a constant liar & manipulator. My problem now is we agreed we'd give him 6 months to save & get a place for him & his daughter but 6 weeks later he hasn't saved anything ,& says he's not gonna give up pot & he has no future plans other then wanting to save to go on a holiday with his new girlfriend ( he's a moocher he will try to get a free ride & already telling her they could live together in her home she currently rents out its only a matter of time ) now when I comfirm with DH our plan he's now saying I'm giving him a alternatom & he gets shitty cause I won't back down - feeling doomed right now
- NEM's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
Well, no surprise, addicts
Well, no surprise, addicts use people, and enablers enable. This guy isn't going anywhere. You will have to decide how much you will put up with. I'd be making an exit plan.
You can't change the stepson
You can't change the stepson's behavior, and you can't really change your DH's either, unless they want to change. And it looks like they don't. This is a classic addict/enabler situation.
So what do YOU need to be happy and healthy? And how can you achieve those things? Think about that and make a plan. Just don't fall into the trap of thinking YOU will be happy if OTHER people change, move out, get a job, step up to responsibility. You've got plenty of proof that those things won't happen, so now it's up to you to figure out another path for yourself.
Ultimatum
So, he was given 6 months to follow a plan and he's 6 weeks into said plan and hasn't done squat??? Meeting time. One week. Find a job. It's so easy today. I'm 60 and have had multiple phone calls from past employers and friends who own businesses asking me to come to work. So....yeah....find a job in one week. If not, OUT. Don't play around with this man. He knows what he's doing. BUT, as your DH is a classic enabler, this won't happen. You need to decide if you are going to continue in this mess.
Oh. And I would STOP doing pick up and drop off. That should be on your DH. Don't enable the enabler. Start putting the responsibility on HIM for his son's schitty behavior.
He does have a job, well only
He does have a job, well only until he gets drug tested & loose's it.
This sounds like the son and adult grandson of the
Previous owners of my home- "Manbaby"!!
son was in his 40s and broke up with his wife and had a son in 20s moved into my previous owners home who were in their 70s and retired who now had a 40 something adult son and 20 something grandson mooching and freeloading off them. The 40 yr old was a druggie in and out of jail.
the dad had enough and said breakup or not, man up, grow up and be responsible. The wife however coddled them "her poor baby doing it tough", the husband refused to budge and they put home up for sale. The husband thought if we sell and downsize there will be no room for adult son and grandson to move into
when they accepted our offer to purchase the home, the wife decides son and grandson need to come along. The husband refused to budge so they split sale proceeds and each moved into a separte retirement home- temporary separation.
husband thought wife would come to her senses and kick son and grandson out and get back with her husband.
1 yr later and they've decided to divorce because guess what, 20 & 40 yr old grandson and son are still living in her 1 bed retirement home, and it hasn't changed 2 yrs on.
this is what we call the peter pan generation.
You have more of a Husband problem
I recommend you go back in time and re-read your posts and comments given.
Im sorry and so sad for the grandchild, who is completely innocent in all this.
What about the bio mother - can you reach out to her and not allow SS to have visitation until he gets his head out of his a$$ and his chit together???? I would hardline on the husband. Hes been lying to you and will continue enabling unless you put a stop to it somehow. Like get the banking credentials and log ins, change the house locks, until SS gets his job. Go burning platform and make things REALLY unpleasant for this manchild.