Fake InLaws-Not StepParenting Related
• When I first met my DH, I always heard stories of how my in laws loved his ex. I wanted them to love me just as much or more to you know, have a great relationship. Well, after 5 years i still dont feel a bond with MIL. I really feel that shes fake, she isnt genuine. When I feel something, the feel is always strong and i am almost right. Every time DH family has get togethers, its always my MIL, her other daughter in law and my SIL sitting together and gossiping about others. I watch, i observe, I listen and just stay quiet. If anything I HATE GOSSIPING, I hate drama! When I first came around it was different. All the ladies sat together, we would have drinks, talk, sing and have a good time. Now its like the 3 of them gang up and just want it to be them 3. I sit, I watch, I observe, listen and say nothing. There is one particular person who I truly feel that she is honest, genuine, and trusting. I feel it! She and her husband are family friends for several years now. I have also seen how my in laws have distanced themselves from her but I have also heard them talking shit about her. I had a talk with her the other day because I needed to vent about something. Didnt want to tell my family to not worry them, didnt want to talk to his family and them assume the worst or chose sides and didnt want to tell my immediate friends just so they dont tell me what I want to hear. After her and I talked she asked me "Why didnt you want to tell his family? Be honest, how do you truly feel about your inlaws? Do you feel you can trust them?" Its like she knew how I felt, so I let it out. I expressed to her how I felt towards them. I told her how on the night of my baby shower, winter of 2018, while I was in the passenger side of the car waiting for DH to go home, my MIL slammed my door shut over something that she misunderstood, she escalated even after I tried to be very respectful about. MIL wouldnt want to talk to me. I was the one who had to be the bigger person, show up with my big o 8 month belly to her house and squash the incident. She even said "You're right, I wasnt going to go to your house" after I told her I felt I needed to come by because I felt she wasnt going to come to my house and I didnt want the tension between us 2. The family friend said "Im not going to go into detail, unless you want me too, but there was so much stuff said about your baby shower that im sure came from them. My thoughts where if they offered to be the ones to plan out your baby shower, why couldnt they do it with the heart? This is why I have distanced myself from them. So i dont blame you if you feel this way. I have learned to appreciate you. You have done so much for (DH name here), (her husbands name here) and I see it. Just becareful " So now I cant help but believe that i am right about how i feel. MIL is always the one to brag about how her children are good people, how her daughter in laws are lucky to be with her children, how the entire family are great people, how she is a good person and an awesome daughter to her father, and that she feels she is a great MIL. Yet DH tells me how his mother complains about how her other daughter in law who lives with her doesnt wash dishes, and doesnt this and doesnt do that. I sometimes have to let him know I dont want to hear it or I keep quiet. It makes me question, the way she and the other 2 sit down and gossip about others, do they sit down and talk about me?! Does my MIL talk behind my back, and the other 2 just feed into it? I personally feel like I am always respectful towards everyone. I am very chill most of the time. If I dont come around them like they expect me to thats because I am a very "to my self" kind of person and prefer to be at home. They know this cuz i have said it. They also know that they are welcomed to come around if they would like. Now with more reason I dont want come around them to be eyed down, to be watched, to be judged and than be gossiped about.