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BM pulled SS12 out of private school

mshilton16's picture

...without talking to anyone about it. 

I dropped Ss12 off at his BM's house the night before school started. I could tell BM & her husband had been drinking that night so I told SS12 to make sure to call me if he needed a ride to school in the morning (in case she was too hungover to take him). Instead I got a call from the principal of the private school stating that Bm was un-enrolling Ss12. He asked if this was correct because that was the first time he'd ever even heard from BM -- she had been completely unenvollved with that school the previous year.  

DH & I enrolled SS12 in private school last year for the 20-21 school year, partially because of saftey during the pandemic, but also because their education system is way better than that of the public schools in our town. This school doesn't offer a bus so BM was very against this school because we have to drive to drop him off/pick him up everyday. We took on that responsibility as well as FULL financial responsibility so she would agree to allow him to go to that school. 

Turns out, yep, she unenrolled him in that private school and put him in public school without even speaking a word to Dh about it. DH already paid money, including enrollment fees and tuition to the private school. All about what she wanted, no one else. 

I guess my question is: is this even legal? We had her permission to put him in the private school, she didn't have DH's to pull him out. DH has been considering going to court lately because we'd like to move out of state and she won't allow SS12 to go with us, even though he really wants to. So now this woman is dictating my life (as far as wether I have to continue to live in this state) and I can't do anything about it!!

Besides the fact that she's was recently ballsy enough to tell DH "I will always love you", she's constantly making pathetic attempts to reach for him and this is her one last grasp at control. 


tog redux's picture

What does the custody agreement say? Unless BM has sole custody, she should not have pulled SS out of school without even discussing it with DH, or hell, even notifying DH!  What's to stop DH from enrolling him back in the private school? 

mshilton16's picture

They have 50/50 custody. Every other week. 
The only thing that stopping DH from taking him and putting him back in private school is that we are trying to move anyway so he figured we save the tuition money. Problem is she won't allow Ss to move with us so we're stuck until we can take him. 

tog redux's picture

My guess is that part of this is her plan to keep him with her - if he's in school in her district that may give her an upper hand in court.  I'd consult an attorney before you decide not to return him to private school - and file quickly for custody. 

justmakingthebest's picture

If they have 50/50 or even joint custody, she can't do this. I would tell the principal that you would like to keep him enrolled and file for an emergency court hearing on this. She is screwing with his academics. 

Mominit's picture

I would talk to both schools.  Let the old one know they do not have your permission to release him or his records.  Let the new school know that they do not have your permission to enroll him.  Since you have written agreement from BM, and she does not have written agreement from DH, unless she can produce a court decision that trumps that, you may have the leverage you need to undo this all just as fast as it happened, until you can get to court and get clarity on the whole thing (school, moving etc).


Harry's picture

Right now I guest DH is paying some CS ?  If SS moves in with you, her CS will end and may have to pay you.  If she keeps SS a majority of the time her CS will go up.  Up to about 25% of DH income.  So before moving and buying a home. Think about how your financial picture will look paying 25% CS plus medical child care ect.

mshilton16's picture

Currently no one pays CS.

Sadly, I think that's what this comes down to is her fear of having to pay CS but DH won't ask that of her. 

Mominit's picture

I would suggest that if you're serious about moving, you might want to put all your cards on the table.  Let her know that you do not agree with her unilaterally deciding to move SS, and that it is in his best interest to be allowed to stay in the school he is already in for now.  But since she has made it clear that she has no objections to him changing schools, she can't very well go to court in a few months and object to you moving on the grounds that he is settled in his school.

You are about to ask the courts to allow you to change his school.  She's just lost any credibility in claiming *that* is why she doesn't want him to go with you.  She's also shown poor parenting in her unilateral decision of agreeing, then changing her mind and un-enrolling!  You show that you are looking out for him (genuinely) in wanting to limit the changes he has to go through.  He stays in his existing school until the matter of you moving, and his possible move with you, is settled.