Should I or should I not???
Ok, so if you have read any of my blogs you will know that we have been having trouble with SD supposidly not wanting to come over on the weekends. BM has said that SD was shaking and crying because she was sooooo scared of DH (FYI, I can count on 1 hand the amount of times she has had her butt smacked in the last 4 years), that he is just sooo mean to her. Then BM's story changed to "I never said she was afraid of you, I said she was afraid to hurt your feeling by telling you she didn't want to come".
Ummmm no, BM, that is NOT what you told DH for the last month. Then BM says that all of the depression and attachment issues that SD is having lately (about the last 6 months) are because DH and I got married and had kids together. Yup, your right BM, my marrying DH 4 years ago and having our first baby 3 years ago must REALLY have a huge impact on how SD is acting now right?? Even though we haven't changed anything in our home or the way we parent over the last 4 years. It can't possibly have anything to do with the fact that you have moved 4 times in the last 4 years or the fact that your DH divorced your bitch ass and you had to move in with your mommy who wipes your ass for you even though you are 25 years old??
Well, last weekend SD didn't give DH a lick of trouble about coming over. She was happy as a clam all weekend, from the time we picked her up from school Friday, until the time DH took her back to school on Monday morning. SD wasn't on her phone all weekend texting BM like she usually is. We were outside playing and spending some family time together most of the weekend.
Well long about Saturday afternoon. SD starts to get phone calls from BM. "I just wanted to tell you how much I miss you. Your little brother has been crying all day and looking at your pictures calling your name". She did this both Saturday and twice on Sunday and DH said she called twice Monday morning before school doing the same damn thing. Really, BM, you can't handle the fact that SD was having a good time at her dads for the weekend so you have to call her and make her feel bad about it? Finally SD said to her Monday morning "well I will be home after school today, I will just see him then". I think SHE was even annoyed at that point.
Can you say PAS, PAS, PAS, PAS....
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Comments
Yes, definitely PAS. Stick
Yes, definitely PAS. Stick to having her come over and let her know that she's not hurting anyone by being there. This happened to us and now SD14 refuses to come over and BM just took DH to court to get more money and got it.
I, for one, am HAPPY SD isn't coming over anymore because she's a miserable, manipulative, lying little bitch and I hate her. But to see what it does to DH that he no longer has a good relationship with his only child - that's the hard part. It hurts him, therefore it hurts me.
Stick to the court order and make her come over until she's old enough (not sure her age?) to REALLY put up a fight and then take it from there.
She is 8. No CO so it makes
She is 8. No CO so it makes it pretty tuff to stick to an order that isn't there. BM has the strings and is pulling them all over the place for a lovely little puppet show.
Got ya. May be time for a
Got ya. May be time for a court order to be established so SD is let off the hook! No, SD, this isn't YOUR fault, we have to abide by what the courts say...
I forgot to get to the
I forgot to get to the point... from now on when my girls tell me how much they miss SD and ask me when she is coming over, or every morning when they wake up and ask if she is there, or evey time DH walks in the door and they run to see if he brought SD, should I call SD and tell her how much her sisters miss her and how they can't wait to see her???? Should I stoop to that evil level??? It is VERY tempting...
I understand how tempting,
I understand how tempting, but think of it in SD's eyes: when she leaves BM's, she's got the guilt of BM saying how much she's missed there so she doesn't want to leave her. Then she's got the pull of your kids and her dad saying they miss her when she's at BM's. Hell, if I were SD, I'd be a basket case trying to please everyone all the time! She'll get to the point where her self esteem will suffer because she will constantly feel like she's failing SOMEONE.
As tempting as it may be to get back at BM, don't do it at SD's expense. We could've done the same thing to SD14 - but just couldn't bring ourselves to stoop to BM's level.
I agree. I wouldn't ACTUALLY
I agree. I wouldn't ACTUALLY do it, but darn it is tempting!
Oh trust me, I've been way
Oh trust me, I've been way tempted to PAS the shit outta SD for hubby's sake. But for one, it's not my place and for two, I know for sure it would backfire. Karma is a bitch and BM and SD will eventually get theirs.
Still sucks to see it happening though.
I know for sure my ex tries that shit with my daughter (15) but she's smart enough and she and I have a stable enough relationship that she takes what he says with a grain of salt. I try my best not to badmouth her father but every now and then I say "He's so stubborn and frustrating, I can see why you're pissed at him" or something to that extent. I should feel badly but I don't. It's true, he IS stubborn and frustrating, but she already experiences that!
I'm sure that has a little to
I'm sure that has a little to do with it. When SD is there that gives her little one a distraction so BM can do whatever she wants. DH had a little convo with SD on the way to school after the 2nd phone call of the morning. It went something along these lines...
DH "Do you think that BM is calling you like this to make you not want o spend the time with me?"
SD "No, thats not why" (DH said she started to get defensive like she always does when BM is questionsed)
DH "OK, well you know the girls miss you when you are gone too, but I don't call you and tell you because I don't want you to feel bad about being with your mom"
SD "I know they miss me" (DH said it seemed like she was chewing on what he said a bit, I just hope she understood what he meant by us not wanting to take her time from her mom away or make her feel bad about it)
You know, sometimes when
You know, sometimes when stepmums are really hostile to the idea of BM calling and being in contact with their child during visitation I think it's a bit much and a shame for the child, but this story really highlights how that contact can be overdone and turned into a negative thing which actually causes the child to feel more conflicted and awkward.
I have no problem with her
I have no problem with her mom calling her or texting her at all. I do have a problem with her calling SD on our time to PAS her!