You are here

Preggo and stressed with SD15

morethanibargainedfor's picture

Submitted by morethanibargai... on Tue, 06/16/2015 - 9:51am

I'm currently 22 weeks preggo and since we told SD15 she's been soooo clingy.
She wants to come over all the time. IT's fine, I don't mind that she comes over to spend time with DH but I really just want her to leave me the F alone and DH pushes that we get along better.
Its not even that we don't get along. I just don't talk to her really. I don't want to. I don't like her. She has treated both DH and I like crap too many times. She blew it and now our relationship will never be the same.

I don't know what to do about when the baby comes. I am super stressing about it already. I don't want her to be over every day. She doesn't do anything. She just sits on the couch. She is so friggin socially awkward and just hovers around me all the time. I don't want that when baby comes. She cant walk from the living room to the kitchen without tripping over her own feet, I do NOT want her holding my baby unless she is sitting. I know if I tell DH that, he will just think im being dramatic and difficult.

She just has absolutely no social skills and no boundaries. Everytime I see her its just "oh your belly is so big" like every 5 minutes. YES, I AM BIG. I GET IT. YOU DONT NEED TO TELL ME EVERY 5 MINUTES. I actually snapped at her one day and said those exact words. She hasn't said it again. She constantly asks questions that I am not comfortable about and DH expects me to answer her. He texted me when I was on my way home the other day and said "SD has lots of questions for you so be patient please". ahahaha um no. I am not her parent. If she has questions about babies or pregnancy etc she can go ask her mother. Shes been through it all! Just asked me about breast feeding and nipples a couple of weeks ago and I shot it down pretty quick. I am not close with this kid at all and am NOT comfortable discussing my boobs/body/etc with her.

I'm just so stressed out because I know DH wants us to be a little happy family but its not going to happen. I know that this baby will be her sister/brother and I am not going to take that away from her, she can see the baby and spend time with it but they are all going to have to understand that for the first little while things are going to be on my terms and done my way. This is my first baby. I deserve to enjoy it and not have to worry about SD15 hovering over me all the time.

Anyone else go through something similar?

Comments

Starryeyed's picture

Submitted by Starryeyed on Tue, 06/16/2015 - 10:11am

I am currently 25 weeks and "massive" as well Smile Absolutely hate when people comment on it, it's just so rude. Maybe your dh could have a talk with her seeing as she is so socially inept and explain what's nice/appropriate to say and what's not??

CupAjoe's picture

Submitted by CupAjoe on Tue, 06/16/2015 - 10:13am

I understand things being "on your terms" at first, perfectly reasonable. I also clearly remember being an ungrateful asshole teenager myself asking stupid asshole teenager questions/making stupid comments. I think you may be missing an opportunity to at least try to bridge the gap here. Maybe things will never be "one big happy family", but having a new baby is definitely one of those life changing events you could use to try. I don't know your whole story or why you aren't close with this kid and don't want to be, but it must have been pretty bad for you to have given up entirely.

Enjoying a pregnancy when there are any other kids involved is hard, whether it's a bio sibling or a step kid. She's part of the family though and you'll have to find a way to coexist with her and to get her off your back until the baby is here. Maybe if you satisfy her curiosity some and tell her calling you big is hurting your feelings and that stress isn't good for her brother/sister will curb her comments.
Good luck!

SMto3's picture

Submitted by SMto3 on Tue, 06/16/2015 - 1:53pm

Look at my blog. I went through a little bit of rough times with skids while I was pregnant. And yes, I felt the same way about them not holding her when she was born. SO and I even had an argument over it once. The boys held her when she got home but I told him that I wanted to wait until she was less fragile for them to pick her up or hold her (especially the 10 year old). The very next week, SO asked SS10 in front of me if he'd like to hold DD. I told him that if he allowed him to hold her, he should sit on the floor and not the sofa as I was scared of her rolling out of his hands or him dropping her. SO then told me that he knew what he was doing. I told him that if anything happened to DD, I would never forgive him and I stormed away. He didn't allow SS10 to hold her that day. Everything you're feeling is quite normal.