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mommommom's picture

Well, DH told BM no that he was not signing her new visitation schedule that she made up on her own from last week. As I stated in my last blog, we have visitation set up legally through mutual agreement court papers. However, have given BM Xmas morning every year being it worked out that way. We try to the be party that does not argue...
Anyway, BM asked us if we wanted SD from Christmas afternoon through the 31 or 1st being it would be school holiday. And of course we said yes. We never pass up time with SD. Anyway, this past weekend was good. SD came, we carved pumpkins etc and had a great time. Dropped SD off and low and behold BM sends text message informing us that the Xmas visitation that she was going to ALLOW us to have for Xmas is now not set in stone being her and SF may have plans now. Hmmm... The age and maturity level are once again showing. We do have Christmas visitation that is set in stone by the LEGAL court papers, so she can't take it away, but it is 2 days shy of the 1st of Jan I think. I guess we are going to start enforcing the Thanksgiving and Christmas mornings and stop being so nice. There are times that you just want to scream!!! How in the world can BM think it is healthy for SD to be on her emotional rollercoaster??? How can a woman who gave birth to a child really think that all decisions she makes, even when they are terrible, and you can clearly see they are terrible be healthy for SD??? UGH!!!


Stepmom2Ched's picture

Oh, we go through that as well. The BM thinks she's being "righteous" and doing favors by 'allowing' the extra time, but when it's suddenly NOT convenient to her, then POOF, plans change and then WE are the ones stuck with breaking the news to SS6 that we have to take him back to BM's house earlier than we thought would have to, because Mommy changed her mind.

What it boils down to is a Power Trip. Now when you DO start abiding by the parenting plan agreement, she's gonna throw a hissy-fit and accuse you of being ANAL! (Been there, done that!)...WHY? Coz she's suddenly not getting "HER way."

This is the reason why we started abiding by the parenting plan. Yes, she gets pissed off at us, but the way we look at it, is she CANNOT object because what's written in the plan is THE LAW and she can't circumvent that, legally.

DH is so afraid that one of these days when she says, "Oh, sure you can have him on such and such day." and when we DO have SS, BM will come back and say, "I never said that, and you are breaking the agreement, and I'm calling the cops." This is one reason why he's started taping ALL conversations he has with her. She isn't aware of the recordings, and legally, DH doesn't have to inform her, since he's one of the parties involved.

So again, it's a power trip. She says JUMP and DH has to jump, only when it's legally not his time to be with his son.

Best advice...have DH inform her he is now going to abide by the parening plan, no Ifs, Ands, or Buts about it. She can't complain, since it's a legal document. As far as the emotional rollercoaster for your SD...what I've learned is NOT to say anything to my SS until it ALMOST happens. I learned quickly that BM will change her mind more than she changes her underwear!

~*~A Good Mommy will let the kids lick the beaters. A GREAT Mommy will turn the mixer off first!~*~

mommommom's picture

I hate that people go through the issues, but I am glad that this site is here with people who can relate. I will definitely have DH tell her we will go by the papers, but she doesn't call us and we don't call her. She will either email or send a text message. Honestly the voice just makes mine and DH's skin crawl. LOL! If we can make it through the holidays without any arguing we will be doing good! Thanks for the advice!

imagr8tma's picture

Same thing here - it is a huge power trip. Then DH can get extra time when BM wants to do something on her own without SD.

She did that to us this year at spring break.... when DH asked if there were plans - she said she was taking SD to disney. Then later when she got asked to do to Baltimore MD for a party week.... she then sent SD to us. So we made plans and took both our kids to Myrtle Beach for the week.

Then she gets mad and tries to convince SD we lied about being in Myrtle Beach and were in Virginia Beach since we live in VA.

Crazy - it is all a power trip. We already expect the bull crap this year since the new court order has given DH Thanksgiving this year as well. So we will have Halloween, Thanksgiving and Dec 26 - Jan 3. I am sure she will try to find a way to get out of it for sure.

********She doesn't have to love me or even like me - it doesn't change a dang thing..... So get over it and move on BM!************

mommommom's picture

If getting custody were easy we would go for it. I'm just sick of dealing with the stupidity from her. If she would just put SD's feelings first there would be no issues, but it is all about BM and I just can't stand that she is that way.

ucnjchick77's picture

why is it that judges or mediators don't see through all this stupidity? it's so sad. it's why there's so many miserable ppls out in this world.