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my many mistakes

mommawowa's picture

EVERYTHING you say can and WILL be used against you.

SS9 repeats everything I say and do to Darth Vader.

Maybe I'm old school, but when an adult speaks to you, you answer directly and with an appropriate tone of voice. You also say please and thank you, where appropriate (and really more often than necessary).

This morning, on the way to school, I asked SS9 a question about something pertinent...something that needed to be answered right then. I had to ask him twice to speak up from the backseat of the car (with no radio on, even).

Then I handed him his drink and hashbrowns from the drive-thru before we pulled away. I waited an appropriate amount of time, and said, you could say thank you.

He looked at me with this look of disbelief, but I already said thank you.

Him and I have a discussion at least twice a week about speaking up. I'm not hard of hearing. He mumbles and doesn't talk directly to people, all.the.time.

Anyway, so I got on to him, not harshly, just the come on SS9, you need to speak up so people don't have to strain to hear you, etc.

And then I just got mad. I remembered how he "tattles" on me and told his mom I'm mean. So I asked, so do you think I'm being mean right now? Because I'd rather you let me know, instead of going behind my back to your mom.

yup. this one's going to come back to haunt me.

why can't I just keep my mouth shut? Just let him be who he's going to be? He's not MY son right?



AndSoItIs's picture

Wrong. Yes, he's not your son but you are the one taking care of him. He wouldn't disrespect a babysitter, would he? (not that I'm at all comparing being a step mother and a babysitter) if the skids even dreamed of disrespecting another adult in charge the way they do me they'd be done in a a minute.

Mine too run back and tell their mother everything I say and do. I used to care. Not so much anymore.

Disneyfan's picture

SD7 is a walking DVR. SD5 is learning the ropes.

A few months ago SD7 told me was going to tell her mom on me. I think I was suppose to cry and beg her not to tell me.LOL

Instead I handed her the phone and told her to call her mom. DF didn't like that. But hey, I figure it's best to tell while you recall all the details. If she waits until she gets home she might forget some stuff. }:)

I don't care about them telling their mom what I say and do.

GFwith4's picture

I have the same problem, however, the story only gets portrayed with about 10% accuracy...throw in the BM's version and now the story is about 2% accurate. I have no problem disciplining any child...My nieces and nephews, my BF's four kids - even kids I don't know.

Don't change yourself to accomodate another woman especially if your DH is okay with how you are with the kids. You will only come to be resentful. Trust me. If my BF didn't allow me to discipline the kids, I would leave the relationship.

The BM/Darth Vader (love that) will get over it. And if she doesn't, tough! Stay true to you.

YoungandConfused's picture

If u read my past blogs- my ex's son went through his cell phone messages and saw something I said about the mother and told her before he told us . I called the mother a c"nt. I know it's pretty bad !!! Don't judge Smile

Delilah's picture

my ex's son went through his cell phone messages and saw something I said about the mother and told her before he told us . I called the mother a c"nt. I know it's pretty bad !!!

Well you see ONE of the consequences of snooping and invading someone elses privacy is that you often find hurtful things you shouldnt see or hear. I have NO sympathy for the invador I am afraid. My advice would be: well if you hadnt done that then you wouldnt know.

Plus lets be honest, we all probably have said harsh stuff in private from time to time. It happens. I actually think the same of my own skid's BM, she acts one, so is one imo.

Anyway, back to OP.

I personally wouldnt BE giving him Mcdonalds if he cant be bothered to acknowledge you.

Ignoring, pretending you have spoken, mumbling, saying you havent heard what the Stepparent has said is ALL passive aggressive behaviour. Its rude and ignorant regardless what ss's motivation is. My own skid was a MASTER at evading eye contact, speaking, acknowleging people including his paternal grandmother. He would turn his face away when you were talking and telling him off...ALL of these things make me mad.

All your reasonable talks are doing is informing this child that his tactics are frustrating you, all the while he continues with the same behaviour and runs to his mummy to tell all (yawn). So my advice is to STOP the talking, reasoning with him and start implementing consequences.

Does he have access to a school bus to get to school? If so, time for him to use it. No more treats, nice things, you doing lovely stuff for him until he can treat you with respect.

I can tell you now, if I had acted like that my mother would be doing NOTHING for me until I adjusted my attitude. Just because you are "only" the SM doesnt mean you get to eat shit that your skid is spooning you. Nah, it means you actually get to opt out of parenting, doing things for this kid, cos guess what? You arent his mother. You dont HAVE to do any of these things for him. Plus if his mother thinks you are so terrible for him, then she can take up the slack and do the stuff she is quite happy for you to do instead.

Always beggers belief when some BM's bitch about the SM overstepping the parenting line, yet will expect the SM to support and coddle that skid but only to the point which is expected! Mine would moan I hated my skid if I dared see my friend or family during skid time. Green is never an attractive colour.

YoungandConfused's picture


Glad you said that. That is why we broke up! His father completely turned everything on me saying I injured his kid and he does not know how his children are going to get over it along with the bm since the son told her. he didn't know how we can work things out.His kids are 14 and 12. When i asked why his son was in his phone, he told me that was not the point. i packed all my stuff and left. havent talked to him since and we have been together for four years.