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OT-Follow up & Thank You

mommadukes2015's picture

Hey guys,

Thank you so much to those of you who offered advice on my elderly FIL moving in. Over the past 4 days I have found myself referring to your advice in my head, taking care of myself, letting him know our schedule/plan for the day, reaching out for help all of that good stuff.

We got off to a rough start but this week will be pretty telling in how manageable all of this is going to be. Since his arrival it has been apparent that his wife was not taking care of him...at all. In fact, she was stealing his pain medication. He has a script for 60 pills. I counted them to make sure I knew how many were in there and how many he takes. He said he has taken 2 since they were prescribed on the 18th and 25 are missing. His wife did not answer the phone or any correspondence for the first 2 days, SO suspects she stole FIL's pills and has worked herself into a stupor. She called this morning and said she "had the flu" which could very well be, but with her prescription abuse history I'm not fully buying that.

Because my SO has a history of drug abuse, I spoke to FIL before he came and let him know all of his medication would be kept under lock and key and that I would be the one giving it to him and helping him set up his pill box. He has a script for oxycodone PRN and while my SO wouldn't steal from his father who he loves very much, I know how insidious addition is and I won't risk my family. I bought a heavy duty lock box with a code, had my dad come down and bolt it to the wall and I have the back up keys stored at my father's house. The system also sends out a signal if someone tries to unlock it with the wrong code 3 times and is pretty bada$$. I explained to SO that this has nothing to do with my level of trust in him, it's for my own personal comfort and to safeguard our family. He is 100% supportive of this and recognizes/appreciates the action I'm taking to keep us all healthy-which I'm thankful for.

FIL's bedsore is well, it's something. I've never seen a bedsore before so this is particularly anxiety provoking. His at home care people came on Friday which I was really thankful for. They are really nice women. The RN showed me how to do the dressing, the home health aide asked for a list of chores I would like her to do. I'm anal retentive about my house, so I explained to her I have very particular ways I like things done and if she can just get FIL clean/dressed ready that will be enough. She told me that she was willing to let me show her how I like the bed made and things done so I'm actually really happy for that. I have to seriously work on accepting help.

FIL also fell off the bed already. He has some doctor's appointments tomorrow so I will be mentioning this to them then. That's a really scary, shitty feeling.

He's been eating and drinking, at night he is somewhat delirious but I think that may be due in part to his HS meds. Speaking of which, when he set up his pill boxes yesterday they were all wrong. I suspect he's been taking his meds wrong for quite some time now, and there are a LOT of them.

SO was beside himself last night, saying he's trying to "be the rock". I told him that is unnecessary, it's hard to see a parent like this. I don't believe in bottling up feelings, so I've scheduled a therapy appointment for him because I don't know how to help him through this. He's very angry at his SM who he is pretty sure was just going to let FIL sit there and die. I'm not 100% sure that's the case, she's a very self centered woman, but this stuff is really complicated and I think the vitriol SO is feeling regarding his dad's current state is being projected in her direction. Of course, SO's mother, whom he visited yesterday is right there with him leading the lynch mob for SM's head. She's a somewhat unsavory character, they have a deep history of not necessarily getting along, but I don't think this is everything he's making it out to be and I want him to deal with it properly so off to the shrink he goes.

Anyway, that's where things are at for now, but really truly, the advice I was given has really helped these last few days. Thank you so much <3

Comments

mommadukes2015's picture

<3

notsurehowtodeal's picture

You are doing a wonderful thing. We kept my Dad home the last few months of his life and it was rewarding and exhausting. We have cared for my Mom in her home since her stroke 6 years ago. Take advantage of all of the outside help you can get and consider in home hospice when the time arrives.

The best thing we ever did was use a baby monitor. It allows everyone to have a little privacy and if you are busy in another part of the house you don't have to keep physically checking on him.

The last thing you need is for him to fall and break a hip. You can get a bed rail that will work with a regular bed. If you search for "bed rail" on Amazon it shows the different types. There is probably a store that sells medical equipment in your area that might have something as well.

You might consider a bedside commode or even a handheld urinal for FIL to use at night so he doesn't have to risk walking to the bathroom.

Aniki-Moderator's picture

Yes, definitely get a bed rail. My Dad bought one to use for my Mom and it was a great help.