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I can see it already...

mommadukes2015's picture

So SS11 has been living with us consistently for a little over a month. BM was supposed to get him last weekend and was a no call no show ALL weekend. He didn't seem to care much. So coming off that, we were nervous to see what the week would hold.

Since he began living with us during the week, he's seen BM a total of 4 days. Since he's here most of the time, I created a chore chart for him which is simple: Brush/Floss Teeth, Make Bed, Do Homework, Put Clothes in Bin, Pick Up Toys, Do homework Do something to help a family member, make a phone call (we're also working on social interaction) and there's a line for his school points. Every time there' a "corrective teaching incident" at his school he loses 10 points. He starts the day with -10 so that he has to do something positive to start at 0 (how effective that is for kid's on the spectrum I wasn't too sure but he's doing okay with it.

Well, he was averaging -50 to -140 quite regularly on the Fridays when I would pick him up and whatever days we had him during the week. We have since instituted "incentives" (1 completed line of the week's chores equals $2 per line) and if he gets under -30 points all week we will buy him a PPV movie.

Before he leaves for school we go over our "go to" coping stratagies for the day and off he goes. This week he lost 20 points ALL week with 3 days of 0 points lost! He also got student of the week and recently won a STEM project competition to build the strongest model bridge.

We're soooooooo super proud of this kid. I talked to BM today to let her know how well he's doing-she barely acknowledged it and went back to talking about herself. SS didn't even tell her about his amazing week when she called this afternoon and didn't want to call her back to tell her when I offered to dial the phone.

I also had a great talk with BM's mother and sister this week about how he's doing. They seem to feel "he's where he needs to be." I've gotten messages from them since-but I thought about it and I really should disengage with them and have SS or SO take their calls/respond to their messages-I don't want to get too wrapped up in that drama. :O

But I really truly hope that if we keep going this way, SS will finally get caught up to grade level by the end of middle school. And I can see how happy he is. He laughs more, he jokes more and he's starting to pick up my catch phrases and use them against me. He also told everyone in the gas sta that I like Justin Beiber the other day. I just pray that the courts side with us when we go next month.


CompletelyPuzzled's picture

It sounds weird, but make sure you document your point system and all the things you are doing to help him. We have a chore chart and incentives for doing them. We also have a punishment list. We showed that to our judge when we went to court and she was really impressed by it. She was happy to so see anything that would help our SDs adjust to a schedule and have some stability.

I understand how great it is to watch a kid blossom. Our SD9 was whiny and very babyish when she first started living with us. She would cry if you looked at her wrong and would hide under furniture. She would talk at barely a whisper and go quiet and act like you didn't speak to her. DH and I have been working with her for about a year. She is like a different kids. She hasn't climbed under furniture in over 6 months. She laughs and plays. She is loud sometimes. She doesn't walk away and ignore us anymore.

It is alot of work to have a skid full-time, but it can be worth it. Hopefully, you will get the chance.

Amcc13's picture

Well done you! System seems great! Make sure you document all contact with BM and her family. You never know when the switch can flip again with her