Using the term of endearment “Baby”
What are your thoughts?
Skid is 11, almost 12, and it feels super icky to hear and watch DH use it with skid. Especially because there’s no difference in inflection.
Needless to say, it is REALLY rubbing me the wrong way.
When I tried to convey this to DH, he stated he didn’t see what the issue was, considering he loved us both unconditionally. I then tried to break down the difference between spousal love and offspring, and my dismay for him continuing to use this verbiage, and he STILL looked at me like “what’s the problem.”
I’d love your input and wisdom.
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DH only calls me Baby. He
DH only calls me Baby. He calls SD by her name, and that's it. He calls my DD by pet names, like Peanut, Cheeseburger, or Buckethead on occasion. Always with affection. He has never had a nickname for SD. It's weird, but I'm glad of it. Even though he loves his daughter unconditionally, he has never been overly affectionate with her, and she isn't with him.
My DH calls me “baby,” too,
My DH calls me “baby,” too, and it’s bothersome to hear him call skid that, too, lately. So much so that it’s a turn off for me.
My DH calls the girls either
My DH calls the girls either “sweetie” or their names... Bby would be cringe-worthy to me. It’s too much of an intimate term of endearment in my opinion...
sorry you’re facing that momjeans! It would bug me too!
I feel it is, too. Thanks for
I feel it is, too. Thanks for your input!
If your DH calls you baby he
If your DH calls you baby he should not call his skid that. Weird!
My thoughts exactly. Thank
My thoughts exactly. Thank you.
DH also pulled the whole “I call our 4 year old “baby,” so what’s the difference?”
Well, She’s young still, and I’d probably equally not be okay with him calling OUR, I don’t know... 8+ year old daughter “baby” as well.
For me, personally, this is a term of endearment for a very young child, or a lover.
Momjeans it is just weird. I
Momjeans it is just weird. I have a friend that calls her baby Mommy. WT! I asked her why she doesn't call her 1 year old by her name and she said her Mom called her Mommy when she was little . Ummm okay?
Queensway, this is funny. I
Queensway, this is funny. I have some Latino and Middle Eastern friends who do the same thing! When I asked them why they are calling their babies mommy, they said it's because they love their kids as much as themselves. AND The dads call the kids dad too!
Bleh!
Ewwwww yes. My formerSO used to call me that...I thought it was cute I guess....UNTIL I heard him call his daughter that (she was 16 at the time). After that it took everything in me to not make a disgusted face.
My thought is YUCK! SO calls
My thought is YUCK! SO calls me baby (or bae bae). He will sometimes refer to his little girls as his babies, but it's not the same. If he started calling one of them baby, I would put a stop to that. Just ewwwwwww to use the same term of endearment for your kid and your spouse or SO.
DH calls me baby and he would
DH calls me baby and he would call spawn pumpkin. One time he was all “hey pumpkin”to me and the look I gave him stopped him in his tracks. He knew how I felt about differentiating pet names. So he only did it that one time. It more bothered me that he referred to spawn and BD as pumpkin, because it made him look at them as if they were the same. Which they were not.
He should not be using the
He should not be using the same term of endearment for his wife and his daughter! That kind of "equalizes" the relationships.
That’s exactly what I told
That’s exactly what I told him. That logic is lost on him, apparently.
DH is holding on to his story
DH is holding on to his story that he uses “baby” with skid as a term of endearment so she “knows that she is unconditionally loved - always.” Also, shame on me for “sexualizing the term “baby” because I know that’s not what’s going on or what he means.”
Also, ALSO... shame on me for crowdsourcing and asking other women their thoughts on the matter. Apparently, that makes me a mean person.
Okaaaaay.
Seriously. Screw him.
OMG, I had the same thing!
OMG, I had the same thing! Mentioned this page and that other people agree with me (this was regarding my last post about him not checking with me before OK'ing sleepovers, inviting friends on outings, etc) and not only did it not give credibility to my point in his eyes, he got angry and said "F the people on the blog"! Like he is the only one whose opinion matters and we couldn't possibly have a valid point.
Its creepy, plain and simple.
Its creepy, plain and simple. If DH can’t or won’t understand that, you’ll never make him understand it. “If I have to explain it, you won’t understand it.”
Tell him to stop calling you baby, that’s about all you can do.
As for asking others about it, does he not see the odd looks he gets when he calls both his daughter and his lover the same thing?
I love Marilyn Monroe and her movies. I hated it in Gentlemen Prefer Blondes when she kept referring to the men she was dating as “Daddy”. It was soooooo creepy!
Baby?Honestly, it disgusts me
Baby?
Honestly, it disgusts me.
Who on earth wants to be infantilized?
If your sexual partner calls you "baby", does he/she have closet paedophile tendencies?
Really, this is the one term of common - and I mean COMMON!! - affection which absolutely disgusts me!!
Other unoriginal names like "sweetie", "darling". "dearie" grate on me too.
Are you that unoriginal and uninspired about someone you love that you call them this bunch of rot??
I have never used these terms with the people I am closest too.
Not even my pets.
If my SO / BF / DH called me this he would be an EX.
I dont have time for garden variety unimaginative morons who can not think of something as simple as an original pet/nick name for their SO.
Calling your kid and SO by the same term of endearment?
Lazy, inappropriate, unimaginative and a lack of boundaries - at the least.
I'm with you - but some
I'm with you - but some people like those pet names. I have gently discouraged it with my partner even though he has done this with previous partners - sometimes he's call me "Gorgeous" - and hey, I guess that's alright, if the shoe fits... But he has never attempted to call me 'baby' and I would not be ok with that.
I hate calling women and girls baby.
Meanwhile my YSS is known by a ridiculous nickname and that's what all family members call him all the time.
Eeew
No no no.
Imagine how confused that child will be in a few years. He is(unintentionally it seems- some men are just oblivious to what they would call "female" stuff) setting up a competition in btw you and her for his affection.
I do have to say that I call all people and pets i love " booboo" from time to time. And there is a diff between " baby" and other nicknames.
I am curious if he would be ok if somebody called his daughter " babe". Maybe an older boy who cuts your lawn?...
Imagine how confused that
This. This is exactly what I’ve explained to him. Why in the world would he want to call us both a pet name/term of endearment? That it’s only going to cause issues the older skid gets. He’s setting her up to believe, in the very near future, that she’s on my level as spouse and the person who is intimate with him behind a closed bedroom door. And I don’t mean that in a sexual way, just an emotional one.
He looks at me like I have a third eye when I tell him this. He cannot wrap his brain around this explanation that I give to him.
I’m actually just fine with him not calling me “baby,” and have since put it out there that perhaps he should stop if he’s so adamant about calling skid that. And in fact, even if he does stop calling me that, I’m still going to want to vomit in my mouth if I hear him calling her that.
It’s hard to say how he’d react if someone called his daughter a pet name, but I’m pretty sure he’d half-jokingly try to throw his dad weight around with his dad voice - while on the inside feeling prideful someone is fawning over his daughter. I dunno...
DH ended-up throwing an epic
DH ended-up throwing an epic fit last night. He didn’t even sleep in our bed last night.
It went from me saying “Hey, I’m not a fan of you calling skid “baby,” and as a matter of fact I don’t like it in general. It’s inappropriate because of X, Y, and Z reasons. Can we work to change this?”
To DH accusing of me trying to insinuate that there’s sexual, weird undertones to him using that word. That he doesn’t appreciate the fact that I’ve ran this by other people IRL and online (all not in front of him - there’s no public shaming going on here...), in turn making him out to look like some kind of monster.
Huh?
I admit, I’m taken back a little. I never imagined he would turn into skid’s #1 fan so early and quickly. Coming out swinging and be SO defensive. But, here we are.
Holy crap, are you married to
Holy crap, are you married to my SO? This is exactly what he would do if I mentioned what you did.
He doesn't call me baby, but he does sometimes call his daughter that, or he will say "My little baby SD9", which actually makes me want to claw my ears off. Yes, lets continue to make her think she's a baby or a "princess" as he also calls her sometimes. I'm sure that will encourage her to stop actually acting like a baby or throwing fits when she doesn't get her way.
I am on the fence about this.
I am on the fence about this. I can see where it would be aggravating to have the same pet name as skid. Maybe just tell him to call you honey or sweetheart.
The term baby IMHO is not a sexual term at all. Do you think your DH sees his DD in a sexual way? Because you are so upset about this, I think that you are afraid your DH DOES see her in a sexual way. At least that is the way it comes across to me.
And honestly, if my DH told me that he felt I was sexually attracted to my kid, I would not sleep in the same room either. May not even want to continue a marriage with someone who thought that. I just would not make this such a big deal.
I don't know that the term
I don't know that the term itself is the issue. For me what I see is that he's using the same nickname for his sexual partner as he is for his child. It's the repurposing of the word for two VERY different relationships.
Though culturally the term baby is used for a significant other rather than a child. So that contributes as well.
I feel I need to reiterate
I feel I need to reiterate that I do NOT think, nor have I expressed to my DH that it’s weird in a sexual context.
What I do feel is that skid has reached an age where it’s... odd to be referred to as “baby.”
I do not have issues with “sweetheart” or “honey.”
This was a short lived
This was a short lived problem when my SD was little. EVERYONE called her "baby" as a nickname. It was weird as hell hearing a 7 year old SS call his 5 year old sister baby. But nothing was weirder than my DH calling her baby five minutes after he called me baby.
I told DH how it made me feel and he stopped doing it, but he still didn't "get it." So I let SS wear the cologne I bought DH (and told him how much it made me want to rip his clothes off). He did NOT like me sharing that with his male son. He "got it" after that.
Lol...ss that smells SOO GOOOOOD
Yeah...*yahoo*...he magically 'got it' after that.
I feel a little differently.
I feel a little differently. My dad calls me baby, and I'm 40. I call my younger child, baby, as well. I called my older child that as well, but it faded away as he grew older. I, and many people where I'm from call all little children, "mama" or "mami"...I don't see anything weird about any of it.
Maybe he was calling his daughter that before he even met you, and it's habit now. I don't feel it's any big deal.
Same here. “Little mama,” or
Same here. “Little mama,” or “Hey mamas” is *normal* for little girls.
I’ll sometimes say “Come get your shoes on, little mama” to our 4 year old, but I won’t forever refer to her as that.
I’m sure DH called skid “baby
I’m sure DH called skid “baby” before he met me. I recall him occasionally calling her “baby” from 5 years old on. He also called her by her name a lot.
But now, at almost 12 years old, and her obviously putting more effort into her appearance, etc... I find it inappropriate. Especially because he uses the exact same inflection and overly endearing sappy sweetness he does with me when he calls me “baby.”
Because of this, I put it out there that perhaps he should refrain from calling me that - and he flipped out.
I’ll say it again. I’m 100% confident it’s nothing sexual in thought or feeling, but that it’s uncomfortable hearing him speak to skid in the same manner he does me. I pointed it out and he’s choosing this to be a hill he’ll die on.
I call both my DH and all the
I call both my DH and all the kids honey. I even call my step son honey. I call my twins baby bc they are actual babies. If my husband told me he had a problem with me calling my kids honey bc I also called him honey and he wanted to be the only honey I would probably start laughing in shock bc I’ve never known him to be insecure like that.
I completely agree. I call
I completely agree. I call my DH baby AND I call all my kids baby. Usually I call them "baby girl" or "baby boy" and I just call him baby or babe. But it isn't a big deal.
Ironically, it does rub me a little wrong when he calls me Honey and then he calls my kids (both step and bio!!) honey. Hypocritical much, Stepmamabear6? lol - YES!
I have never heard my DH call my skids my love or baby
I have stepsons
If ot is appropriate for a child and not sexually differentiated like in your DH argument then I dare him to call another male baby. Just for the sake of argument.
You did not sexualize the term. The term is already sexualized in our culture.
Tsk tsk DH