Odd, isn't it, how as parents we want to encourage our kids to feel invulnerable, to feel safe and secure... and yet we want to wrap them in cotton wool and keep them securely tied to a chair so that they never get hurt!

Those trigger moments. A car accident, the death of a spouse - they change us, in ways we can't predict or understand. But also, I think, we are changed by small events as well. Some random conversation with a stranger while waiting for a bus, for example.

I agree - it's a job well done as a parent to know that our kids have the skills to accomplish their goals, and that they know how to be happy. I sometimes think about how I will respond to DD as she goes through teenage years, or her 20s. I don't want to be invasive and prying and judgement like my own mom... I'm going to work on being curious, and telling DH about all my crazy fears and worries!

I know my DH feels like you, like he won the lottery with me. And he did. I really appreciate and enjoy him.

Thanks

Shortly after DH and I got married, I mentioned having a kid. He said that he wasn't sure anymore. Man, did I freak out! One of his big reasons was what you've said - how to justify bringing more people into an already overcrowded world, into a world where we still experience wars and hunger and pollution?

A former roommate of mine was an environmentalist, and ofc in Canada resources for recycling are very good. She didn't buy coffee unless she brought her own cup, she composted, she avoided purchasing new items.

I believe that children are the future (no, not based on Whitney Houston, lol, but on my religious beliefs - I'm Baha'i). Basically, the best way to change the world, is to raise the next generation with different values than those who lead now.

In my own situation, I do a lot to reduce my environmental footprint, but I accept that I compromise for my own comfort. In my current city, there are no plastic recycling facilities unless I am willing to take my plastic with me on a 1-2km bike ride to deposit it. So I don't recycle plastic.

And I try to raise DD to be grateful for all that we have, to view herself as a spiritual creature in a material world, and to share our joys and happiness as much as we can. I think that's the biggest lesson, probably.

Hi there - well, one thing I've learned is that I probably didn't inherit those insecurities as much as learn them. My mind was trained to focus on the negative, on the problems, on what might go wrong... in my mom's case, her upbringing was miserly and strict because her parents felt children were to be molded and that since they were prominent community members, they should force my mom to be what they thought the community would find 'perfect.' My mom wasn't allowed to style her own hair until she left for university, for example.

I've focussed on my mom here, because she's alive and I still have a relationship with her. My father passed away almost ten years ago, and before that he didn't talk to me for almost a decade, because he was angry at me and I chose not to beg him to forgive me. So he had a huge impact on me as well. The man could do angry!

When I was pregnant, I realized I was deeply afraid of being the kind of parent my mom or my dad was. It made the entire experience increasingly upsetting. It wasn't until DD was about 8-10 months old that I started to realize that there is no risk I would be a bad parent. It's unlikely I'll be perfect (shock!) but I'm good.

Funny, I read something recently about how meditation or mindfulness can be quite traumatic for people unprepared for it. Could you imagine terrible and painful memories that someone works hard to avoid dealing with just popping to the surface?

But I've had some therapy, and I do both, and exercise - although I still have chronic pain and fatigue issues which can profoundly effect what I can or want to do. They all help. Mostly, the biggest help is taking care of my animal self - enough water, food, rest, activity, and sleep.

Hi anotherstep - well, you know how I feel about you! You're terrific and kind and so so smart!

I do wish I could protect DD from everything. I try to not do that, but I realized the other day - I do it anyway! I thought I was so brave, bringing her to the gym babysitting once a week, sending her to daycare two half-days per week... But really, she's not out of my reach for long. I'm one hour or a flight of stairs away at the gym, and about 20 minutes away from the daycare - and worse, my SIL works for the daycare and DD is in her group lol!! I basically have my spying eyes on her all the time!

I recently hired a babysitter to come over once a week to play those terrible children's games, you know, the one where the baby has a nap, then wakes up and cries, then drinks coffee and eats cookies, then flies, then jumps up and down, then falls down, then has a nap, then wakes up and .... you know. But I stay home and half the time, join in anyways! lol.

Lol. I have knee problems so we moved into an apartment with an elevator. LOVE IT!

I have a friend who is terrified of vomiting. She knows where the phobia came from, but it still has a huge effect on her life. She really wanted to become a doctor, but became an opthamologist instead because the risk of seeing or hearing someone vomit is so low. It even was a consideration when she and her husband wanted to have a baby.

She's ok with it now - phobia is still there but she has a lovely 1 year old girl. Funny what you can hate and fear and still get through when the other side looks so bright.