OT - gift giving
This is a bit strange, but here goes...
I have always been of the opinion that, once you give a gift, you "let go". You have no say over what the receiver does with that gift. But...
What about when you give a gift to a group of people and one person makes a selfish (IMO) decision about what happens to that gift?
I took a box of my imported sweets to my favorite coffee shop so they could sample the treat I often talk about. The owner was out buying lids, but I chatted with the 3 people there and let them know the goodies were for all of them.
Stopped yesterday evening for a late treat and spoke with the owner (only one there as it was almost closing time). I asked if he tried the sweets I'd left. He said, "No. I took them home and let the construction guys eat them." I was a little surprised, but thought maybe no one wanted to try them.
This morning, I ran in for a latte. My favorite barista told me that no one got a chance to try them. Shortly after I dropped them off, the owner returned. She told him I'd brought the sweets for them to try. He said, "Nice", grabbed the box, and left. Huh?!
I admit I'm kinda peeved. The baristas don't feel like they can say anything because he's the boss. Part of me wants to say something to him and ask WTH. Part of me wants to get another order and wrap up individual bags for each barista. These sweets are only available online (imported) and not cheap.
My question is... Is he the arsehole? Or not?
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Umm yeah that was a selfish d
Umm yeah that was a selfish d*ck move on his part, but he was also rude about it, he didn't even try them, he just gave them off to somebody else!
Knowing that I would just do something individual for the baristas in the future.
I thought so, too, AO. Then
I thought so, too, AO. Then wondered maybe I'd missed some gift giving protocol where what the boss wants takes precedence (even when it's d!cky...).
I certainly will NOT be giving an individual gift to Jack(wad).
Arsehole move, and I'd likely
Arsehole move, and I'd likely tell him as much. You're a very loyal customer, and he did something that turned you off toward his business. He needs someone to check his behavior, and you're an expert at that.
LD, that's nice of you to say
LD, that's nice of you to say. Working on it...
Honestly, if I didn't like those wonderful baristas so much, I wouldn't go back.
What a jerk! I used to
What a jerk! I used to receive generous treats from people in my prior position - and ALWAYS shared them with the team. I mean, they work hard too!
I'd do individual gift bags for them and give them out to the while he was there, noting that you were sorry that they didn't get any of the box you left for ALL of them.
Cover, great minds think
Cover, great minds think alike! I just posted above...
My approach will be direct and preferably in front of him... "Ladies, I'm so sorry you didn't get to sample the sweets I brought for everyone so I brought a little something for each of you. Your names are on them. Could you please make sure the ladies who aren't here get theirs?"
Yeah he was a dick, no
Yeah he was a dick, no question.
Sometimes people at my work bring in treats or donuts and leave a note for what group they are for on the box. If there is no note or one that simply says enjoy then everyone can have them. The point of the note is to make people from other groups leave them alone and to spoil the box for anyone else trying to take the whole thing. Only exceptional jerks would be able to take a box that says "for my favorite baristas" home to give to their family or contractors.
If you give group gifts in the future to the baristas or any group for that matter I would use this tactic so everyone knows exactly who they are for. It's a shame is comes to this.
Oh, I believe he IS an
Oh, I believe he IS an exceptional jerk. I handed that box to one of the three baristas with whom I was chatting, so they knew it was for everyone working there.
There was shrink-wrap around the box to preserve freshness, so it would be quite easy to "lose" any note on there.
I will make individual gifts with their names on them. Sheer packaging and the name right on it.
Yup, total knobhead.
Yup, total knobhead.
Kes, what a polite way to say
Kes, what a polite way to say it! *kiss2*
Bring another batch in WHILE
Bring another batch in WHILE HE'S THERE, and give it directly to the baristas. "These are for you ladies!" If you know their names, write For:__________ on the box. And give him the stink eye.
Exjulie, I have some sheer
Exjulie, I have some sheer goodie bags. I can wrap the treats individually and put their names on them. (See above.)
Sound find my stink eye intimidating... *dirol*
ALWAYS give to your team and
ALWAYS give to your team and those below you. I never took stuff for myself when I received gifts. Dude is ignorant and rude.
DPW, I totally agree with
DPW, I totally agree with everything you said!
In my experience if a client
In my experience if a client came in with a bottle of wine for the boss, it was left on his desk. If they came in with a platter of cakes for the staff we left it out the back for the staff to descend on it like a flock of vultures. Sometimes if someone is on break they might miss out but there was always a shout out at gift drop and then first come, first serve. What we DID NOT do was not give staff gifts to the staff.
And on your topic of "once you give the gift away you let go" - BM and DH were friends with a couple who took BM's side in the divorce. Their wedding gift to BM and DH was an antique desk that DH solely used for 20 years. After the divorce they asked for the desk back because apparently they'd spent quite a bit of money on it and it was a marriage gift and the marriage is now invalid. WTF?!
TU, that has been my
TU, that has been my experience, too.
Wowzers, that couple had some audacity! Not nearly the same, but it reminded me of when I divorced psycho exh. He insisted the he got custody of the quilt his mother made for ME (birthday gift). I was happy to let him have it as I wanted to keep NOTHING from him or his family.
I could be generous and see
I could be generous and see this as a communication issue.
The owner knew that you had talked about these sweets with him before and assumed they were for him. The baristas didn't want to correct their boss about your specific verbal instructions. The owner was perhaps just being friendly when showing interest in your sweets before but for some reason (?? not idea why) didn't want to try them (or wanted to sweeten up his construction guys?). Perhaps if you had left a written note with the sweets that specifically addressed the gift to the whole team or if you had personally handed the gift to the owner with your instructions that they were for everybody then the owner may have acted differently...
I know that this is a generous interpretation.
BethAnne, I appreciate your
BethAnne, I appreciate your generous interpretation, but...
I'd actually been speaking about the sweets with the baristas, the owner overheard, and chimed in. At that time, I said I would bring some in for everyone to try. EVERYONE. The girls were excited!
The owner definitely an assumptionunit honestly believe if I'd handed the gift to the owner, the baristas would never have known.