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How to Move Out of State?

mndblwn's picture

DH and I are thinking about moving out of state. I am working and DH is a stay at home dad (family choice. totally fine). What steps can I take about getting a new job and a new home before having to go to court to remove SS (we have primary custody) from the state? Do I apply for the job and get set up the way? Do we go to court first and get the permission then apply for jobs and find a home?

DH won't give up custody and I don't expect him to but the place we live is drowning all of us and we need a change. My job has limited openings in the country so I have to jump on them to support the family and keep medical insurance. All the help is greatly appreciated to know how to come about this in a smart way and not burn bridges with potential employers.


Willow2010's picture

Is SS's mom not in the picture? I advise against taking the kid away from the other parent if she is involved.

The court is likely to tell you that you and DH can move but SS needs to stay put.

mndblwn's picture

BM is in the picture but truly uses SS as a tool. She just recently lost joint custody and has been doing things that could make her lose more.

overworkedmom's picture


mndblwn's picture

This move isn't about BM at all. Our life where we live has no family support and my job isn't working out well. If we move I could get a better job, have family support and BM would have different visitation ( all of summer and every other holidays). There is a lot of back and forth with visitation now so it would not only benefit SS because he could be involved in activities for kids but help BM with traveling expenses even if she has to buy plane tickets.

Bio-Step-Mom's picture

I hear you...but you having family support and a better job just doesn't trump his relationship with his mother. Sorry :/

When DHs kids were younger, BM moved. He was young/naïve/unaware(??) and didn't know he could stop it. A few years ago when she tried to move EVEN FURTHER away for a job...DH fought it and the judge agreed.

If she has regular visitation with him, IMO it isn't right to move him away from his mother (or father when BM is primary).

simifan's picture

The assumption for or against a move varies by state. I would start by feeling out BM on the idea to see what a fight you will have on your hands.

mndblwn's picture

Thanks for all the comments. I understand what each and every one of you are telling me. If we had the typical BM/SS relationship then I get the taking him away. However BM left for 4 yrs with hardly any visits with SS. It wasn't until DH brought me into the picture that her "I'm a mommy" came out. She doesn't help us provide SS with anything. Just the 1/2 of court ordered medical bill payments. She doesn't take him to doctors visits, help pay for medical insurance or have him on medical insurance, pay for school clothes or supplies for the year. She does get most of all breaks at this point. I was a kid in a divorced family. I know what the visitations are like but my dad knew that sports were important as a kid and stepped back. This woman can't let her child be apart of any sports activity because she doesn't want to exchange time or be apart of that activity. SS goes to child care more than he is with her. DH has ALWAYS been the primary supporter for hid child. BM has not.

No employer wants to know about the drama in your life and no one should take a job and burn a bridge by not being able to leave the state. That is why I think it's important to get the answer