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SO’s weakness with SS17

MissK03's picture

So tonight is another one is those nights that SO spots a vape wrapper on the boy's floor. 
 

I was downstairs drinking a white claw not getting involved one bit as he tears apart SS17's side of the room. 
 

SO comes downstairs empty handed. I say what's going on? SO says what's happening.. I say my guess it's somewhere because if it was actually his "friend's" as he claimed he would be flipping out... since he isn't flipping it's somewhere. SO goes upstairs spots in SS17's pocket. 
 

SO goes through his typical telling SS17 "he's done." Etc. SS17 tries getting out of it. (Only concerned at this point about the money SO was giving both SS's for cars) 

This is like the 5/6 time over almost 2 years that he has been caught with vapes. 
 

SD came downstairs with me because we were trying to figure out how to hand knit a blanket with chunky yarn. SO comes sits down, then SS17 follows. SS17 wants SO to come upstairs to continue their convo. SO is just like no we have nothing left to talk about... Two minutes later he goes up to their room to continue the same speech. 
 

SD and I figure out the yarn and she goes back to her room. I'm still hanging out downstairs and SS16 is just like "he's so stupid." I shrug and just say yeppp. 
 

SO comes back downstairs and is like what do I do? I just SO .. you have been been giving him this same threat for over two years now....you never follow through with him etc. I don't know what you want me to tell you. I go personally you shouldn't give him the 2500. I said he can save (he works and has like 3k in the bank already) he isn't going to actually have his license til June soooooo plenty of time to save. 
 

SO says yeah but he needs to drive... I said to him, the kid is failing half his classes, still vaping after you warned him of the consequences, but 30 seconds of you telling him "he's done" you are already debating whether to give him 2500. So, why are you instantly feeling guilty?!!?!?!!? I said, I don't think it's fair that SS16 and SS17 are the same field. SS16 is a great kid, causes literally zero drama, does what he is suppose to do, tries hard in school, list goes on. SS17 is definitely mentally behind but, has caused so many issues in the house I can't even explain. (Yes he has been in and out of therapy for years) So why do you keep rewarding him??! Why does SS17 get the same as SS16 with the whole car thing when SS17 does not deserve any of it.

To be funny I said to SO that he could give me the 2500. I think I deserve it lol. 
 

Now SO is all depressed acting and crap. He really has been waiting for SS17 to do this 180 and it still hasn't happened yet. 
 

I do feel bad for SO. He has tried absolutely everything with SS17. Nothing seems to stick. Genetics took over there. 

I really hope he sticks with not giving him this $2500. I'll believe it when I see it though. 

Comments

SteppedOut's picture

You say he has "tried everything" - but earlier in your post said he just gives him the same tired talk with no follow through. TALKING IS NOT ENOUGH. Clearly. 

No, he should not get car funds. His @ss should be on LOCKDOWN until he can break his nicotine habit. 

MissK03's picture

Oh I agree. 
 

I meant with past punishments like taking phone away, no xbox, no WiFi, trying to explain etc. 

When he was younger it became more of a punishment on the entire house when he got in trouble. 

Peach's picture

He needs to do nothing for the kid until he can act better.  But.... it is easy to say that.  If he keeps giving him everything he wants, then he will just keep doing it.

advice.only2's picture

He will give the kid whatever he wants regardless...So has shown you who he is and will be...it's time to change your expectations.  These Disney Dads don't change.  My DHs Spawn is on Only Fans and he believes it's nothing bad and he can convince her to be better...shrugs. 

tog redux's picture

Well, it sounds like he did used to give consequences and he's given up.

He should really view this as "SS isn't safe and responsible enough to have a car", not "he needs to drive".  He can learn to drive without Daddy helping him buy a car. Then he can demonstrate enough responsibility to be trusted with a car. In the meanwhile, DH can put the 2500 away for him, to be given once he's grown up a bit.

halo1998's picture

We had the same situation with SS...aka GWR.  He was vaping and found he was vaping weed.  He had a car and we took it away because we didn't want to be responsible should GWR get into an accident and hurt someone else.

Sure it was easier for us with GWR driving..but at what cost?  

In the end GWR noped on out of here to "mommys" house....and that ended that.

MissK03's picture

He told him that. That he wasn't going to be responsible if he kills someone etc.
 

 

justmakingthebest's picture

What he needs to do is give the car to SS16. Reward the kid that is doing the right thing and SHOW SS17 that his behavior REALLY won't be tolerated anymore. 

I got a D in Algebra right before I was supposed to get my license in high school. My parents REFUSED to let me get it until I had that bad boy up to a B. You bet your butt by the next interim report I had that grade right. It is call parenting- not best friend-ing. He is never going to help in life by just giving SS17 things.

MissK03's picture

Update kind of:

SO called on his break. He went to work at 5am and since he was all stressed last night I didn't really even talk to him.

He says he is at his wits end with SS17. I said yeahhhh don't blame you. He just can't grasp how dumb SS is. He says he is for sure turning off all devices until his grades go up. He is going to make him do a bunch of manual labor ( I've been saying this for YEARRRSSSSS!) EX- leaves all by himself, branches that SO is going to cut down, SS17 will be doing all the dragging into the back all by himself, stuff like that. 
 

I didn't hear this last night but, SO told me that SS17 said that since SO didn't let him smoke pot he had no choice to go to the nicotine vape. SO was like I just can't get over how dumb he is. SO is just like do all parents have this conversations?!!? I said no, no they don't. 
 

SO had texted BM last night because she would have found out either way and (this is comical) she wrote SO back and said does he have his phone? She didn't even try calling or texting SS17. 
 

I said to SO she's a deadbeat, doesn't want to parent, just wants to contact you. He's like why doesn't SS17 go live with her so mommy can take care of him. I had a slight chuckle with that. 
 

I told him that you need to work on you though with getting all stressed and emotional upset with SS17. He isn't who you want him to be. You have done right by him his entire life etc. Trying to keep him on the right path you have under a year left but, you can't change who he is. (Been saying this for years too) 
 

He says it is hard for him blah blah. I said,  I get it he's your kid but at some point it is out of your control. 

It was like a 20 minutes convo but those are some highlights. 

 

justmakingthebest's picture

Sounds like in the whole Nature vs Nurture debate, SS17 just has a nature that isn't the best. At least right now. 

I think we can all safely say that at 40 we aren't the same person we were at 17. He could still turn things around and do well with his life, but he is going to have to want to do put in the work. At least your DH seems to realize that nothing is going to change and hopefully SS17 won't be staying there long past high school.