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Why is it so hard for him to stop letting BM run everything!

missangie1978's picture

Well last night fiancée got to sleep on the couch because I blew up, couldn't take it anymore. BM's been calling the last 3 weeks spouting all kinds of crap about me and making up false accusations and threatening to move back and take ss way from fiancée and it's pretty much been hell. This all started because she wouldn't sign the final custody papers (the same ones she agreed to before she moved) and she didn't file a response so our lawyer is filing for default and we go to court this Thursday.

When she got the letter telling her we were filing for default all hell broke lose and it was like that until Saturday. On Saturday she calls fiancée and asks him if he can send ss down for Spring Break because she now has her half of the airfare. Spring Break is the first week of April and she waits till now even though we've been trying for weeks to get her to let us know what's going on. We even had to cancel our trip to NY because we didn't think she was going to take him.

The reason she's now being nice and civil is because she's past her 5 day period to file a response to the court in regards to the custody paperwork so it's going into default on Thursday. She has no leverage anymore so she's now trying a different approach. What gives her the right to waste our time and money by not signing something she was never going to fight and waiting till the last possible minute to ask for ss to come down.

I told fiancée that I wouldn't put up with this anymore. After the custody paperwork is finally filed he needs to have stipulations added such as at least a months notice if she is or isn't taking him on her designated visitation dates and that she can't call just any damn time she pleases but has to at a designated time on a separate cell (that we'll buy for ss to keep at home).

He agreed to all that and even said that he wasn't sending ss down because she waited to late and we now have other plans. Well I was fine with that because I'm tired of BM wasting our time, money and treating us like crap and than getting her way…she needs to grow up and start acting like an adult. Bet you are now all wondering if things ended on this note that what's wrong?

Last night (Sunday) BM calls and wants to talk to fiancée. She mentions Spring Break and I assume that fiancée is going to tell her that he's not sending ss down. I was wrong again…instead they discuss pricing and he looks up flight options etc…I was PISSED. When he gets off the phone I told him that he better but ss to bed because I needed to talk and I didn't want ss to hear what I had to say. So after ss is in bed I let fiancée have it. I told him that I'm sick and tired of her getting away with murder and bad mouthing me and he not sticking up for me, wasting our time and money and making our lives hell and now that she has no other options playing nice…until next time when she goes psycho again.

His excuse was that he was doing it for ss (he's 8 years old and HATES going to visit his mother so this is so not true) and that the next visitation wasn't until summer break so he was trying to be nice. We've been trying to get her to let us know if she's taking him for summer for almost 6 months now because we were planning on eloping in Hawaii while ss was with her during the summer so I asked him, "Is she taking him for the summer?" Same answer as always…she doesn't know. I was not happy with that answer I told him right than and there that he had better have something drawn up that said she needed to give us notice by the end of May and if she didn't than he would not be going down and that he better stick to it or I was moving out come May. I told him that I was sick of her always getting her way and that if this continued that I would be leaving. I also told him that if he was sending ss down to his mom for Spring Break that he needed to have her reimburse the money we already spent on ss going to Cali to visit my parents.

I'm sick of everything being on her terms and his allowing it…how come she gets to be a total b*tch and still gets everything she wants

Comments

Bonus Wife's picture

not knowing things til the last minute...It's very inconsiderate...I still don't know what we are doing for Easter and it's two weeks away...i still have to let MY ex know whether he is taking our daughter that day....This whole blended family stuff is getting to me.

Cruella's picture

Words to bring your blood pressure up. I am sick of my Husband being nice and not standing up for us. For example when the BM calls she asks a ton of questions for the kids to ask their father. Always putting the children in the middle. I told my husband he needs to just take the phone and flat out tell her if you have to ask me something talk to me directly period. I have had posting about Adult Siblings not related to my husband come over when they feel like it and whatever time they feel like it and go through our house like they own it. My husband sits there with his thumbs up his butt not saying a word. I sat there fuming. I don't understand what controls these BM's have. I told my husband this morning if he doesn't start being more assertive about his rights then he will lose me period. This is my home and I don't want this evil woman having any say so what so ever regarding the rules in my home.

The DH's have to start standing up for the Step Moms. It is not fair for us to be all stressed out in our own home. Being nice is one thing but overstepping bounderies is a whole other issue. I am on a wait and see mode.

Anne 8102's picture

I'd just forget about waiting for the DH's to get assertive, I'd just start asserting my own rights in my own home and if the toes of unrelated strangers who don't even live there get stepped on, tough shit.

~ Anne ~

Ladies and gentlemen, take my advice: Pull down your pants and slide on the ice! -M*A*S*H (Sidney Freedman to the OR staff on dealing with stress)

Little Jo's picture

Sometimes a good hissy fit is in order. I hope you didn't waste your breath and he starts making some changes.

Sometimes it takes alot to get those balls to grow back.

Hang in there and keep us posted.