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Is BM still not over your BF/FH/DH? Especially 3 years AFTER their divorce??

Milomom's picture

I need your help, ladies (and from the guys, too please!). Also, if any ladies on here are both BM's & SM's, please chime in also.

Despite the fact that BF & I have been together for over 6 years (living together for 2), there have been some inappropriate comments made by BM (my BF's ex-wife) to the skids (SD15 & SS12) that, LUCKY FOR ME, skids have actually been telling BF & I about!

1. From SD15: "Daddy, when Mommy picked me up from your house yesterday & she saw you outside by the garage, she said "Damn, SD15, your Dad is such a good-looking guy." I think Mommy thinks you're hot, Daddy."

2. From SS12: "Daddy, when Mommy picked us up, she saw you &
Milomom going out to the car, she said "Oh, it looks like Daddy is growing a moustache or a goatee (sp??)...does Milomom say if she likes it or not?"

Some background: my BF was married to BM for 10 years, they had 2 kids together. After the skids were born, BM cheated on my BF during the marriage, stayed out partying all night at clubs or spent all night online on various different websites (vampires, etc...) "role-playing" with strangers, guys, etc..., 5-10 different get the idea. Why not? She sat home & didn't work & was "bored" and complained that my BF was "never home" as he worked 2 jobs trying to bust his ass supporting her & their new family! Hello?!? So they agreed to legally & physically separate after 10 years. BF & I met and started dating within a few months of when they legally separated and BM dragged their divorce out for almost 3 more years once she realized that BF fell in love with me and was happy & didn't want to deal with her cheating, lying, unemployed, lazy, weirdo, wicca-worshipping ass anymore.

WOULDN'T THESE COMMENTS BY BM ABOUT YOUR MAN PISS YOU LADIES OFF?? Of course, when the skids said the above things to BF, I was right there, but I didn't react at ALL - I just went about my merry way & let my BF deal with them (I don't believe he gave any reaction to them, other than just laughing...which is always what BF & I do, LAUGH at BM). I never let the skids see ANY reaction from me - and trust me, I do this because I wouldn't give BM the satisfaction of showing that her comments affect me whatsoever. Who knows, maybe she's putting the skids UP to this?!? I feel so stuck in high school when I have to deal with this stuff.

Please, please give me your thoughts and what YOUR reactions would be to all of this (and what you would do/say to YOUR BM's if you found out she was saying this about your man). I am really tempted to confront her (she'd probably feel like such an ASS because I highly doubt she actually realizes that the skids would come to us & TELL us what she's saying about my BF) and tell her how totally & completely INAPPROPRIATE her comments are...that, of course, would be AFTER I kicked her ass and told her that HE'S MINE, SHE'LL NEVER GET HIM BACK, GET OVER IT & MOVE ON YOU FAT, UGLY PIECE OF TRASH!! OK, lol, I'm just saying that here with you - I'll never let her see me sweat.


ChaiLatte's picture

She is definitely complimenting him to the kids knowing full well that it is going to get back to him. This is not only inappropriate but manipulative, and cruel to treat children like pawns in her sick little game. I think you are handling things perfectly by not showing that this gets under your skin in front of the kids. No reaction is the best reaction. As long as you can trust your partner, then I wouldn't feel the need to make a big deal out of what she is trying to do. I would silently keep an eye on things, and watch his reactions to her comments, making sure he doesn't seem flattered or defend her shenanigans. As long as she is not a real threat, and BF would never consider cheating with her, who cares if she wants to make herself look like a pathetic and desperate fool.

"There comes a time when you have to surrender the idea of what your children could be to the reality of who they are."

Milomom's picture

Chai, thank you for confirming that it's not ME & I'm not nuts - that her comments to the skids are totally out of line (and most likely intentional).

Thank goodness I can say with 100% certainty that BF would NEVER, EVER consider cheating on me EVER...and definitely not EVER with her. I can totally trust him (what a wonderful feeling it is) - even if he was in a room full of naked women, nope! He's a trustworthy, honest guy and has NEVER cheated on anyone in his lifetime (nor have I ever done so in this or any of my previous relationships) - this issue is something the both of us have a VERY strong commitment to - FIDELITY.

My BF agrees with me (and with you) that she is so manipulative and desperate that she's totally pathetic. He laughs and sometimes he'll say to me, joking around "See, Milomom? I guess I've still got it after all these years!". I think he just wants to minimize to me what she's doing so I don't get mad.

Or he'll say something to me like "Oh well, even if she does want me back, it's too bad she'll NEVER get what she wants because I DON'T WANT HER & I wouldn't touch her ever again...I'm with YOU, not with her, and I love YOU now & for always."

He thinks her comments are totally ridiculous, but he wouldn't go so far as to call her or confront her about them because we both know that's what she wants - a REACTION out of us. She looks like a fool all around...

But I must honestly admit, Chai, that she better hope that she never runs into me in a dark alley where it's just the two of us...I might just have to open up a can of whoop-ass on her.

Even classy women like Milomom have evil thoughts of torturing BM's once in awhile when they act like this....but I handle her with grace & class - two qualities that she will NEVER possess.

Totalybogus's picture

Your reaction is seriously opposite of what mine would be. I certainly wouldn't be pissed. That little devil on my left shoulder would be saying naner naner naner.. he is mine, eat your heart out.

It would give me great pleasure to know that she realizes what she lost.

Bradybunchmom's picture

LOL, my BM told the ss8 that she was going to come over for his birthday and stay at our house, stay up late with her and daddy to wrap presents together and then be hear when he wakes up to open them with him. Talk about setting him up for thinking they are going to get back together. No wonder he still draws pictures of just him and his dad and mom.

She also texts that she loves him to him, and the other day called up to ask him the title of a song, which she sang to him, cause she couldn't remember the title, which was a getting back together song. Gee, you think that was set up? lol

He pretty much just ignores her calls now. And has told her to stop saying untrue things to the skids or stop calling.

Milomom's picture

OMG Bradybunchmom, how long has it been that they've been separated/divorced and how long have you two been together? Your BM sounds even more pathetic than mine.

OK, so I'll take your BM into the same dark alley that mine will be in with me and take care of this problem for both of us....grrrr

Milomom's picture

To all my fellow Steptalkers...anyone else out there in Steptalkland dealt with a BM like mine??? Need advice...