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Worst Car Ride

luwh033's picture

So my bf is mad at me...for a number of reasons but let's start with because yesterday I kind of sort of forced him to go with me to palm springs after work to get my dog. But technically didn't force because I gave him a choice. When we met I had a dog he's always known about this dog we've had many conversations where he has clearly stated that once we got a bigger place I could bring my dog back from my dads. We finally got that place and my dad has had my dog way longer than he agreed to so I said let's pick her up. I'm 5 months pregnant and was nervous to drive by myself  for 2 hours since my car isn't the best so I asked him to come so we could take his car. He said no but I kept pushing and eventually he said yes but it would be later in the day which I agreed to. He then ended up working and I asked if I should just go alone or wait for him and he said to wait then he tried to use the fact that I didn't answer as an excuse to get out of it so we got in an argument about how I would never do that to him and I could have just left this morning and went by myself if I knew he was going to act that way. And how he doesn't want a dog and he shouldn't have agreed to this and doesn't want me to pick her up. Anyways we didn't speak the entire drive up there then on the way back it turned into a convo about all our other crap. He starts bringing up how sd10 doesn't speak to me anymore and how it's my fault and I must have done something or acted a certain way towards her and I was honest and said I really think she is just a little jealous about the new baby and is taking it out on me. And she definitely wishes her parents were together and constantly brings up her mom so maybe she just resents that Im here instead of her mom and resents that I live with her father full time and she spends 50/50 with us and her mom. She's been asking to stay longer a lot lately. Doesn't even want to go back to her moms which is weird. Idk all I know is all of a sudden after I was pregnant she started treating me different and having this attitude and she just turned 10 so maybe she is experiencing adolescents who knows.  Either way I was very offended that he would talk like that about me and blame me when I have been the same way towards her always. Yes I've been a little more quiet and withdrawn towards her because I don't want to be pushy when she is feeling so different. Then I bring up how I notice he always waits to have convos with her mom until he's not home and how I don't like that it seems shady and he says that he does it on purpose because I dissect every single thing he says when he's talking to her. He says that I am too judge mental of their conversations and because I request that convos strictly be about their daughter and not about their day or what is going on in their lives that I'm am being controlling. She'll call talk about her daughter and then change the convo to Oh she's at the car wash and doing this and that and I'm sitting there like wtf go call your boyfriend we don't care what you're doing. Anyways he thinks they need to be nice to each other so that she won't try to use his daughter against him because apparently she has in the past. He says I am too difficult and it's too much on him. I don't know what to do or if I am in the wrong for the things that I comment on. I don't mean to always speak my mind but I am an open book and just say literally whatever I feel whenever I feel it. He's not good at handling that. So now we aren't speaking. We barely spoke today. We just laid quietly next to each other as he ignored me and my dog. 


OKtoStep's picture

My BS20's dad was the same way. Like, you could be describing him. He left me in the Atlanta airport overnight, 6 months pregnant, because my flight was delayed and he "thought I wasn't coming back". We fought often, he cheated on me every chance he had and finally kicked me and the baby out when I had the audacity to buy my own furniture for our apartment.

In hindsight I should have let my mom buy me a plane ticket back home that night and never talked to him again except with lawyers.

shamds's picture

fall into the trap of playing nice for the sake of maintaining good relations with the ex so they act like they’re a cluple and about their day, what they did, where they went etc

newsflash, this mentality always backfires. The fact he can’t just deal with direct facts on his daughter and has to listen to unimportant talks of bio mum ranting, shows that she is not someone he can really be civil with. 

He says you dis something to his daughter to make her uncomfortable but if he has acknowledged and seen her ignoring you, why did he not address with her why she is shunning you?! Instead he has blamed u as the adult..

again this is a stupid way of addressing it because plenty of skids here are abusive, their parents are just too blind to see it ordon’t Want to admit it