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Constantly All About SD

luwh033's picture

Just need to vent. So my baby is now 4 months old. Things have been going good. BD finally started seeing what I was dealing with my SD11 and put a stop to it. But one thing hasn't changed. Him putting her above everyone else in the house. He has to try and convince her now that my son loves her more than anyone else lol and that he only looks at her a certain way no one else except me only when he's breastfeeding. I'm like wtf are you even talking about? Like why is that necessary. Why do we need to be all extra and put others down or make mom feel like all she's good for is feeding to try and make your daughter feel special. I'm just sick of it. I've had enough. It's like a constant praise fest him praising her and saying shit like this in regards to the baby to try and make her feel good because she's jealous of the baby. Keep telling him that's not the way to do it. Just have an honest conversation with her stop trying so hard it's just hard to sit through the entire time she's here our whole lives revolve around her and what she wants. No she's a kid we are adults we make the decisions and I'm sorry she's having a rough time but you are just rewarding the bad behavior and attention seeking. I try to just keep to myself when I can but most days it's just me and her while dad is at work and her talking non stop and asking for things all day and not cleaning up after herself. Anytime he is home and tries to hold the baby she comes and plops next to him and tries to get attention and anytime one of us has the baby and starts snuggling or kissing him she asks to hold him. If we're just sitting there doing nothing she won't but if she sees him getting affection she must interrupt and act out to get attention. And she's kinda ruff with him we constantly have to remind her to be careful he is a baby. Anytime I have to remind her "she forgot". I do so much for everyone and yet it's too much for me to ask them to do their own dishes or even put them in the dishwasher. Anytime ask for dishes to go in the dishwasher after I have just cleaned the kitchen no dishes until her or dad go put one, it's "i forgot". It's easy empty sink either do your dish or put in the dishwasher. I've been saying this since forever but we choose to act like we forgot because we don't feel like doing our own shit. Gets paid chore money to do nothing. Room is always dirty laundry always stacked high and does no dishes puts away no dishes takes out no trash doesn't feed the dog nothing. It's crazy. No teaching on how to respect and appreciate others only teaching selfishness and self absorbsion. Idk it's just not how I want to raise my son. 

Comments

caninelover's picture

Not good for her future.  At 11 I understand SD would need to feel loved and reassured with the arrival of the baby but this is not the way to do it.

SteppedOut's picture

Everyone wants to feel loved. At age 11 a kid should be able to process this better. The only reason she is acting this way, is because it is not only being allowed but catered to as well. 

Sheesh. What is happening is diagusting OP. Do not tolerate it. 

Dogmom1321's picture

My SD is 10 and will be 11 when our baby is born in April. She is already jealous and negative about the baby, saying things like "No fair I don't get a stroller." "I don't want to share MY bathroom. etc" DH has tried to have an honest conversation with her and try to do some more one-on-one activities with her... but she just likes to complain. Same reason. She is just attention seeking. Crazy how the WHOLE vibe of the house changes when she leaves. Family/friends have tried to be positive for SD and say things like "Big sisters get to read to their baby brothers. You'll get to help out, etc." SD wants NOTHING to do with him. She says things like, "That's not my job. He will be annoying."

She can go pout all she wants. But I won't have DH change HIS behavior in fear of SD10 reaction. Not fair to the baby or YOU. 

Wicked stepmo.'s picture

Maybe try reverse psychology. At 11 kids enjoy the freedoms they have. I would go above and beyond to be as sweet and loving as possible with SD and tell her that you would never want her to feel as if she is loved less than the baby or treated differently than the baby.

Then treat her exactly like the baby. Baby has nap time, SD has nap time. Baby has to eat SD has to eat. Baby has to be watched 24/7 for safety SD cannot go anywhere unsupervised or play alone because it's too dangerous. She has to stay within your eyesight at all times. 

When she starts to get upset about it. Tell her you are doing it because you just liove her so much and are making sure you spend an equal amount of time with her and treating her no differently than the baby.

I can assure you if you overplay it enough she will quickly get annoyed with you and take it upon herself to tell you she is not a baby and to stop treating her like one. She will also likely start to distance herself from you at that point.

ESMOD's picture

It sounds in some weird way that he is trying to make her more accepting of the baby by making her feel like she has a connection with the baby.