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Disengage, Eff this!

luwh033's picture

Idk if anyone has disengaged from both partner and step child but I am doing so now. I spent the entire day cleaning the whole house by myself of course cuz no one else does shit around here. Partner thinks cuz he pays most of the bills he doesn't have to do shit else. I still pay half the rent and my car and anything for myself and most things for our son and half the groceries but he pays like the small bills alone because he requested it be that way. He said word for word "I can pay those smaller ones babe just let me know how much" I didn't ever ask I used to pay half of those two but now I'm noticing he uses it as an excuse to not do shit. "I pay most of the bills" lmfaoooo that is laughable. You pay a couple hundred more than me, big deal. I don't have a problem splitting em if it'll get you off your ass. Anyways I spent the whole day cleaning scrubbing the bathroom picking up all his shit wiping down everything dishes, fridge, floors, rooms, laundry everything. Cooked a nice dinner for everyone. Only to get a stiff cold hello when he walks in the door. No kiss no hug no how was your day no misssed you no nothing literally he walked in and said wassup like I was one of his friends. No affection whatsoever. For whatever reason it's always like this when his daughter comes to stay with us for the week he gets weird with me. Like doesn't show affection and acts awkward she always has to sit in the middle we don't ever sit next to each other barry touch or kiss or hug or anything or n front  of her it's really weird and feels very uncomfortable. Not sure what that's about. But yea cooked this dinner I left the dishwasher open so all they had to do was put their dish in there and Id clean up everything else myself. Well they at least said it was good. But they completely ignored the dishwasher open and put both their dishes in the sink even after I text him and said hey dishes in the dishwasher please he didn't respond and ignored my message and left the dishes in the sink. I was pissed because he did that teaching his daughter that it's ok to ignore me and do whatever and teaching her how to mistreat a woman. Don't show appreciation? You can't even put your own dish in the damn dishwasher while I do everything else. Literally all you have to do is sit on your ass and once you come home from work and one time a day out a dish in the dishwasher. I know it seems like I'm kinda freaking but it's about more than a damn dish. I'm sick of being taken advantage of. I do everything. Laundry I wash, fold and put away, cook breakfast lunch and dinner, clean the whole house except my step daughters room, take care of the baby on my own no one helps he doesn't even change a diaper. He's changed one since birth and my baby is 5 months. Doesn't wake up with baby ever, doesn't feed him nada. grocery shopping he gives half the money but I always do the shopping and putting away groceries, pick up everyone's shit from all over the house constantly even the trash and dishes left. I've literally just snapped. Lost it. I'm tired. I can't do it anymore. I feel beyond disrespected tonight. It's disgusting to have walked out and seen the dishwasher open and their dishes in the sink like a big fuck you waiting for me then when I spoke up he says in front of his daughter ok I'll do it when I feel like it. I wanted to vomit. Couldn't believe what I was hearing. Not to mention the trash and cups they both left around im the living room after dinner. I decided then and there I wasn't doing shit else. I'm disengaging. No more laundry do your own, no more dishes that aren't mine, I ain't cooking no more meals. Period. Not picking up no ones shit fuck that pick up your own. Let them see how good they've had it ungrateful asses. I'm done. I left all his laundry on the bed for him to take care of. Tomorrow he will ask me to pick up my step daughter from his parents I will say no. Fuck off and find someone else to do it since you think I don't do shit. Yea I pick his daughter up everyday also. Went and got her funfetti cuz she wanted it to make cupcakes and this is the thanks I get so fuck doing anything for anyone anymore. I'm over it. They're both fully capable of doing their own shit so I'm only focused on me and my baby. Sorry needed to vent. But really. Can't take the lazy ungrateful unappreciative, careless, fucked up attitude anymore. I hate arguing or fighting or being petty but idk what else to do then to be petty and leave his shit here on his side of the bed he will probably try to just sleep on the couch cool bro clothes ain't going no where. lol 

Comments

Wicked stepmo.'s picture

Good for you, don't let him take you for granted or take advantage of you. It sounds like you do a lot for him and SK he needs to respect and appreciate that.

tog redux's picture

He sounds like a real prize. Since you don't list one single thing that you like about him, I'd suggest packing up your baby and going to stay with family/friends for a bit. Decide if it's more work to be with him than to be a single parent. 

justmakingthebest's picture

Sometimes it takes a little longer to see the person you are with is really a crap partner. You can try disengaging for a little while- only take care of the things for you and your baby, but I think that will really only cause more fights. 

I suggest really sitting down and talking to him. Tell him how you are feeling and how this is not how you pictured you life with the man that fell in love with. If he can't step up after that, start taking on some of the household burdens, then move out. Life is too short to be resentful and unhappy with your partner. 

Azcat's picture

When my SD invites herself to our marriage house for spring break, I leave and take the week for myself! I won't tolerate being treated second best! Let him entertain her and cook! I'm really not given a choice because DH thinks we should just get along. So she coming to visit whether I like it or not.  She is daddy's little girl and has him wrapped around her little finger! He still will not believe me when I tell him she doesn't like me. I've told him she only pretends to just to make him happy! That only makes him mad and he won't talk to me for day. 

thinker's picture

Not sure this relationship is going to last as it doesn't sound like a good place for you in the longterm, but in the meantime, here are some ideas:

1. Just stop doing stuff for the SKID.  You don't have to explain yourself or do anything that could be interpreted as hostile, just make up a fake excuse and politely decline.  Eventually he'll stop asking. 

2. Start doing things for yourself that involve you leaving your baby home with him for periods of time.  Every new mom needs breaks, and you have to take what you need. 

3. Buy your own laundry basket and only do your and baby's laundry.  No explanation needed.  Clearly it is a source of resentment, and you're not his mother, so you don't need to do it anymore.  This is how we do it in our marriage and it's a non-issue.  

4. Stop cooking if that's another source of resentment.  I really like a particular meal delivery service that DH hates, so I often just do my own dinner and let him do his.  It's actually a non-issue - he gets that I like to eat healthy weird food and has no problem feeding himself on those nights.

ndc's picture

If you're going to disengage from your boyfriend, why even be with him?  It doesn't sound like he adds much to your life.  Maybe it's time to make an exit plan.