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A conversation I asked him if he was ready to have..........

lovedbyone72's picture

SD pulled some shit last week, and it got under my skin, and SO knew it annoyed the hell out of me. He asked the silliest question "What's wrong? What did she do NOW?" and I responded "Are you ready to have this conversation?"

So, thanks to ST, and all of you awesome people, as well as finally getting to the point of wanting to leave, I was finally able to have that conversation that most of us are terrified of. I was 100% honest with him. I listed every single reason as to why I didn't care for his precious princess. It honestly felt so good to say these things to his face. The downfall of this convo was seeing how hurt he was. Mind you, about halfway through, I realized that I was most upset with him. It is his lack of parenting, as well as BM's, that have created such a boring, robot of a child. He did not take kindly to my words, but then I don't think I would take very kindly to someone telling me what a shitty parent I am either!

Results of this conversation:
~He will work much harder at seeing his child for what she is, and then make the appropriate corrections.
~He will STOP the Disney Dad voice, actions, and so on.
~He will engage with his child.
~He will stop excusing her behavior as "she's different." She's selfish, lazy, and can be very cruel.
~He will MAKE her try things, rather than allow her to be a shut-in.
~He will not let HER decide if she wants to play a sport, dance, etc. He will actually PARENT his child.
~I've asked him to force her to try things because I feel it's better to fail at trying than to succeed at nothing!
~Any behavior that isn't up to par, will be handled the same way he handles it with my bios.
~He will not treat her as a baby any longer. She is old enough to entertain herself, and can be spoken to as a person, not a baby.
~He must make a decision as to where SD is going to live for the school year, as the schedule he has now is in no way beneficial for his child. No friends, no play dates, no activities to join, and so on. Neither he, nor BM will put SD in any single thing because it means committing to their child instead of their own lives. If that means committing to another court battle, so be it. SD isn't a pawn, and shouldn't be treated as one.

~I've been asked to try harder in engaging with SD. This is tough for me, as SD has absolutely zero qualities or interests that I can relate to, however, I said I would try. (I really do mean nothing. There isn't a sport, girly things, non girly things, reading, writing, --ANYTHING that interests this child.

I'm happy to have this weight off of my chest, I wonder if he will truly follow through. He was good this past weekend about not babying her, and making her find things to do other than sit around watching TV all weekend, so we shall see.

Comments

RedWingsFan's picture

Glad you got it all out there. I remember that conversation with my DH as well. Hope it all works out for you guys!