DH upset i didnt get SD8 any gifts
But I told him 2 months ago I wasn't getting him or his daughter any gifts. I don't understand the blow up. What I did notice is that it took Christmas for him to notice that he has been pissing on my holidays.
Quick recap, DH and SD have made every holiday horrible so I stopped celebrating them with them this year. He didn't notice our birthdays (within days of each other) he acted like a jerk on Mothers day so I spent it away from him, not a thing for fathers day. She was defiant, ungrateful and bratty on each holiday. But he blew up about Christmas.
I ignored him. I simply do not care. I spent my holiday how I wanted to, with my family and I was happy not to hear him complain, not hear him whine about leaving early, not dealing with SD's inability to play with others or her breaking other peoples toys. It was great. I'll be doing it again real soon.
I was just tired of being the only one putting in any effort for the Christmas season. All they want is give me give me give me. I had to cut them out. When this dies down I'm going to work on him for celebrating the holidays separately.
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It was a big argument. He
It was a big argument. He scheduled his pick up time for SD at the same time as my church service. The same service that is 11 AM every Sunday.
For whatever reason it was my fault for not telling him that he scheduled it that way and I should have told him. Mind you, he picks up SD at 10 AM all the other Sundays and he and BM changed the plans for this Sunday. But I am wrong for having my regularly scheduled church service.
Then he asked if I even got SD anything. When I reminded him that I told him 2 months ago I wasn't getting him or her anything and that I had steadily for those same two months told him he needed to pick up gifts he said I ruined his Christmas. Big whoop de loop.
Does your DH understand why
Does your DH understand why you disengaged during the holiday? Or does he think you are just being petty/mean? You can't start working on him until he gets that HIS KIDS are the problem and not your lack of trying.
DH was aware I disengaged
DH was aware I disengaged from the gift situation and we discussed why, so although he was frustrated he only had himself to blame.
Next year he will be aware I will disengage from holiday planning and why. I will not take off more than one day from work if all I'm going to is cook and clean for people on my vacation...I know he was sick for two of the days so that's fine but if you are well enough to take SD13 shopping and have tacos for lunch don't whine to me about not feeling well enough to help clean the kitchen in the evening FFS.
I have told DH so many times
I have told DH so many times I've turned blue in the face. He just doesn't hear it until he sees it.
He got her a gift. He just
He got her a gift. He just thought I was supposed to as well. My mom got her a gift.
I don't know why he thought I was just blowing smoke when I said not gifts.
I tried separately for part
I tried separately for part of the holiday this year and it worked great! After 10 years of doing the shopping, the cooking, etc., I chose to spend NO time with the awful adult stepkids and had the nicest holiday ever.
We stopped exchanging gifts (me to SS and SDs and they to me) years ago. Nothing to buy, return or throw away. Yay!
My husband, brother in law and son spent Christmas eve together then it was just my husband, son and I on Christmas morning. In the afternoon, I went to my dad's with our son and then to my brother's house so my son could play with his cousins and we all had a great time. Meanwhile, DH hung out with the horrible SDs and SS at my brother's in law's. It worked so well, we even got home around the same time.
I am DONE with terrible memories of ruined holidays. I'm TIRED of resenting, regretting, crying, being fearful or sad or ganged up, feeling ignored or invisible. If I'm not there at all, then I don't have to put up with ANY of it, our child doesn't either and everyone wins.
It's not your job to buy rotten adult kids gifts. A gift is given to someone because you care about them and they about you. It's to let them know they value the relationship. If none of that is true, no gift needs to be given.
You told him. It was his job to listen.