I did a little of this back several months ago. SD11 was giving BM a very difficult time, talking back, yelling and doing as she pleased because BM was sick. I could not let it continue and DH was enjoying it I think because the tables had turned and SD wanted to be with dad more than mom for a change. I invited BM over to talk with DH and I about all this. This was the first time this had happened, truth be known were just cursing at each other months before so was a true shock to all that she agreed. I facilitated the conversation and told both DH and BM that things had to change with SD or all hell would break loose in a few years. BM really needed the help and as much as I can't stand her I felt it needed to be done. She has called me once or twice since then and once called DH and started spouting nonsense that I never gave him messages from her so I snatched the phone and asked her to tell me what the problem was. She immediately stopped crying and began to vent her frustrations about the situation. I listened until she started talking about DH in a negative way, I told her that if she wanted my help that she should keep her negative opinions of my DH to herself. It was so petty what she was upset about but once she couldn't make DH feel guilty and had me to deal with we were able to easily work out he problem. She is very dramatic and I don't do drama. I hope this works out for you if you choose to take this path. Keep a cool head and don't allow yourself to be drawn into any drama. Good luck.

~Evil

Our greatest glory is not in never falling but in rising every time we fall.
Confucius

I can deal with her directly just fine on boring, paperwork stuff... insurance claims, doctor's bills, etc. We've been able to have civil email contact about presents for kids and stuff like that. When it comes to visitation, DH almost always works that out with her husband and that's great because he and BM just CANNOT or WILL NOT talk to each other. I have been able to work with BM and DH has been able to work with SF, but when DH and BM try to do anything themselves, all hell breaks loose. If you keep it drama-free and she does, too, then it could work.

~ Anne ~

"Nobody can make you feel inferior without your permission."
-Eleanor Roosevelt

I tried this and it has turned into a nightmare. Here are a few of the examples of problems I have faced from trying to be the mediator: If I'm not what bm considers to be 'nice' enough in her opinion on the phone, then she'll call bf and tell him that I have an attitude problem and either he better deal with it or she will. She has also recently turned things that I have said completely around and used them against me and made up things that I have supposedly said. She then called bf's parents (along with most of the town)and told them all the horrible things I had "said" and what a horrible step mom I was. Then, when I suggested that she and bf talk and just leave me out of it she didn't want to do that, she WANTED to talk to me. In her own words "to keep the lines of communication open". In other words, so she could continue to manipulate the situation by turning everything I said around. So just be very careful in what you say and how you say it so that it can't be turned around and used against you when bm wishes to do so.

I kind of think that it would work for us if BF would let it and if BM could control herself. BM's biggest problem is that no one will give her the information she wants. BF is unable to speak to her without exploding, but I can. If she didn't constantly have something up her sleeve, I think it would really benefit our situation. Unfortunately, she is incapable of just letting things be, and continues to manipulate and try to ruin our lives.

One of my friends, however, has great success with being the intermediary between her husband and his ex wife. She is a very aggressive person and one of those who doesn't take sh$% from anyone. It really works for them because her husband is kind of a pushover. The BM doesn't have her husband's cell # and they have no home phone, so the only number she has to contact them is my friend's cell.

*~So sayeth Nymh~*