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and this is why!

littlegrlzx4's picture

So DH and I had an extened convo/fight about his kids and how I parent them. Mind you this was after sd8 was being a little sh*t and I let him deal with it.

"You're just so much more patient with your kids. You have more time and engery for them. Why?"

We talked to no conclusion but continued to circle the issues that his SD's don't respect me, are brainwashed by BM to not accept me, have behavioral problems, etc. I get all of the hard work of being their "mom" half the time and none of the reward.It was really hard to give a specific instance of when this happened, but tried to explain the best I could.

This morning, that thought became crystal clear. We were on the way to school and I asked the girls to make a project (card, poem, etc) for their Gramdmas during the week. I said they had a lot of them, and we counted together 3 Grandmas and 2 Great Grandmas so they had some work to do.

SD11 then says, "Yes, and we have ONE mom!"

Like a knife to my gut. Here I am talking about Gramdams (4 of the 5 are connected to MY family, thank you very much) and she had to throw in that one little factoid, oblitering my existance. Not we have one mom and one SM. Just that we have ONE mom, even when we weren't talking about her in the first place.

Any wonder that it chips away at any sort of bond with these kids? I know she's a kid and it's her personality to be right/exact/know it all about everything but this just plain hurt today.

Stupid Mother's Day.


FallingfromGrace's picture

This will be my fifth Mother's Day with the skids (boys 10 and 11) and I have yet to ever even hear them utter the words "Happy Mother's Day". It really sucks.

"God grant me the serenity accept the things I cannot change; the strength to change the things I can; and the wisdom to know the difference."

belleboudeuse's picture

I would be so tempted to just quietly decide I was done doing any parent things for that kid. No more shuttling her around, no more helping with homework, or anything. Then when she asked, I would want to say, well, you only have one mom, you made a point of that to me today in a very deliberate way. It hurt my feelings that you said that, especially because I was driving you to school at that moment.'

I don't know if I'd actually say it, but I would want to very much.


- You are not second best, you are not second class. Do not ever let anyone make you feel that way. (2Bloved)

littlegrlzx4's picture

thankfully DH was very sympathetic when I called to talk to him. We're going to talk to her tonight about stupid the whole thing is. Its just funny that my step mom is NOT her step gramma, just gramma. My step grandma isn't her step, just her gramma, etc. I don't think she'd enjoy being treated like the STEP rather than the daughter, but hopefully I won't have to get there to prove my point.