At a loss

Last night BF & BM talked and BM said she was still on the same page with the whole finding out how to get the 14 y.o. removed from the home for awhile to get the much needed help. BM said the two youngest could stay with us until Wednesday. o.k, o.k.

No. An hour later she calls demanding the girls come home first thing this morning. WTF??? BM starts going on about how SHE never had a chance to talk with the girls about the knife incident. BULLSHIT. She had the girls all day Saturday. All she did was bitch at them that they told us and not her.
We find out that BM told the 14 y.o. everything that was discussed and decided. BM wants to handle it herself. A huge fight ensued. I won't bore you with the details. Let's just say it was really ugly.

The BM is protecting this disfuntional child with little regard for the safety of the others. BF & I feel like we just fed the two youngest back to the wolves.

I feel sad and beaten.

Little Jo's blog
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You know what

I can understand how you two may feel. Document things in case you need it. Incidents times dates all of it. I feel that you are going to possibly need it. This BM sounds off her rocker. If one of my children were in danger from another whether it was with me at my house or at dads I can tell you my mouth would be spouting off.

About the youngest two just reassure them to come and talk because you will both be there for them. That way they do not close up. Which in light of situation just may happen.

WOW..
I am so sorry...

thank you

I feel so sad about the whole thing. Last night I tucked those girls into our bed and reassured them everything was o.k. Things got so out of hand last night. There are staying here, then there going home, then there staying here. This am BM called demanding again they are to go home. I felt like shit this morning as I kissed them both good-bye.

Document as much as you can

I agree with happy. Document, document, document (what the skids say and what you know for a fact). We started documenting when things started to go bad for the skids at bm's house (oh my are things horrible there but that's a different story). We know we need the various information from documenting if we need to do something drastic about the current living situaiton. We document every non-returned phone call (where voice mail has been left, etc.) just in case we need any of it.

We feel like we send the skids back to prision when we send them back to "her" house. Hang in there, the girls need you to help support them and to be their soft place to fall.

don't feel bad Little Jo

You must be doing a lot right here if these girls feel comfortable coming to you with these issues...they trust you and they are showing that they know they can count on you to help. With any luck these issues will get resolved without any physical harm to anyone. Hang in there and keep up the reassurance to the younger ones.. it might just get them through the next few days that they are back with mom knowing that you and dad are there for them even if she isn't.

Good Luck and Hugs

Now I want to cry.

That's just it. They DID trust me. They told me. I handled telling their Father. BF was supportive and reassuring. BF handled telling their BM. BM & BF made a plan and BM broke it.

I feel like we let them down. I feel like a complete fucken failure.

You are there own peace..

Do not feel like a failure. First of all you, gave them some piece of comfort for them coming to you. Secondly if anyone is letting them down its there mom. She is not being a true parent to all involved. She is parenting to the one who caused this. They obviously are happy at your home and feel safe there.
Do not feel like a failure. You are being a wonderful MOM to these two. Smile you did nothing wrong and to be perfectly honest you did the right thing. They came to you with something and you tried to protect them. I think you are wonderful.
DOCUMENT everything. Get BF to sit down and write everything down that occured last night on the phone. Times, dates.. Everything..

You haven't failed them though!!

It is not your fault or in your control what the bm does here. I think it is a cry for help that they told you what is going on, but just by listening to these girls and not shuffling them off like their mother has you are the one who is there for them right now and of course their dad. They are going to know from all this that you and dad tried, and bm failed here, and if you stick by them and listen to what they need they will not forget it. It is such a shame that in these cases the only recourse is putting yourself in financial jeopardy to fight for the right of a safe homelife for these kids. Hang in there!

agree with loonybonus

Little Jo, have no control over other people's actions especially when they are just being spiteful and vindictive. BM is bent on raising hell despite her kids welfare being in serious jeopardy. You feel like your hands are tied coz you have done all you know best for the kids and BM does not realise it, probably she does but choses to disregard it. Document as much as possible and if push comes to shove, contact CPS. Its heart breaking to see young kids go through such ordeals coz of one parent's warped mind. Wish you all the best with skids. You are in my thoughts

Thank you.

I really needed to hear that. One thing that BF said to BM last night really scares me. When he realized BM was going to shut him out on this one, he just screamed at her, "One fell of the roof, one had a knife to her throat, what are you waiting for, one of them to get killed".

I've been thinking, I really want to call the State Police just to talk to an officer about what legal options we have if we feel there is an emergency.

And I will start documenting. I promise.

Call CPS anonymously

You can call anonymously and ask questions without having to make an actual report. They can tell if you this situation warrants some kind of intervention or not, but I think it's pretty obvious that someone needs to so do something before one of these kids gets hurt. Let us know what happens.

~ Anne ~

Ladies and gentlemen, take my advice: Pull down your pants and slide on the ice! -M*A*S*H (Sidney Freedman to the OR staff on dealing with stress)

CAll child protective services

The kids are in danger more then you think. Those are just the things you know about. I say call you can be anonymous.. Trust me I have called them once.. I would call and state what is going on and you fear for the younger ones safety that way they may go and check things out and they will not give a name on who and it will give you some peace..

Call

Yep, I'd call Child Protective services if I were you (so it is documented that either you or bf called out of concern in case there are more questions later on). Don't feel like a failure. You did something with the information the girls told you, therefore you did not fail them. They may be young, but they know who they can go to for help and they chose you once. They know they can open up to you and they really need that right now.

That IS want I feel like doing.

The last 5 days have been so crazy. We had 3 girls Thursday night. (The night they told me). 1 girl Friday night. 2 girls both Sat. & Sun. night. BF gets out early today from work. I spoke to him a little while ago and told him we need to talk to tonight. He agreed, as we haven't really had a chance to since this all happened.

I feel I do need to tell him I do want to call CPS. I don't want to keep anything from him. I think BM would know it was us that called. BM is flippen nuts. I'm afraid she would disappear with the kids. She has done that twice before. Once for 3 weeks and another time for two weeks.

I do not have any experience with CPS. Will they just make things worse? It's bad enough BM is making the girls feel bad for not telling her first. I don't know if they would tell a stranger.

I am very much disliking this situation.

Yikes

I know that in my situation, SD's psychiatrist advised against contacting CPS when SD was in danger in the recent past. I was horrified by that at first because I just wanted to do everything I could to help save SD, but she was right. Her reasoning was that CPS is completely overrun to the point of being corrupt and useless, and that the fallout from BM could make things even worse, knowing that she is capable of just about anything and that this would piss her off to no end.

For us, we just had to wait for the chips to fall and when things got so bad that SD was unable to function, her psychiatrist recommended Family Based Therapy to come into the homes and evaluate her relationships with BM, BF, me, her baby sister, etc to get to the bottom of things. We're just starting this now and they could eventually recommend to the courts a change in custody. FBT is much better equipped at handling these types of situations - is there anything like it in your area? Are any of the girls in therapy already? If not, I think the best thing you could do for them is to get everybody into family therapy - and quick!

I agree with the idea to

I agree with the idea to call CPS! I have a daughter who at 15yrs old thought it was OK to pull a knife on her younger brother. All of the kids felt unsafe around this child. I "sentenced" her in our home with the same fines and improisonment that the law would give if this was an incident outside of the home so she would get the point that it is not acceptable. This was along with letting her know exactly what I thought of her and her actions and what she brought out in our whole family.
Cps was also involved..At my request...There were no consequences to me or the other children but there was intense counseling and intervention for the offending child. It was necessary and very productive and the other kids once again began to feel safe.
Your situation is different and I believe harder to deal with but if you make it clear to the kids that you will always be there for them in every way you possibly and legally can, any time of the day or night, they will know that YOU DID NOT FAIL THEM. They will find comfort in you.
You might also be able to express your concerns to the CPS worker about her disappearing with the kids and the worker will make that an impossible issue, Talk to a child guardian or lawyer and see if you could get temporary custody of the children until the investigation is over. Or maybe tell the BM that you miss them and want to see more of them so without her feathers getting too ruffled you will have the children under your care more often and they will feel safer.
BF may resisit calling CPS but if you make it clear that it is for the protection of his children then he will hopefully accept it more willingly.
Keep being there for them I am sure they feel your love.
Good Luck
Lisa Dawn

It was your daughter?

if so, that's where this is making me want to scream. There own Mother is not helping and not asking for help. Well she is, but who the fuck knows what crap she is telling them. BM is classic 'woe is me'.

I do fear what Caitlin said. What if it backfires?

Caitlin THEY ARE !!

The crazy house has more couselors and therapists than I can count.
That's what pisses me off so bad.

Thank you Caitlin, I went from being sad to angry. Very angry. This damb dumb lying manipulative bitch changes her stories more than her flippin underware. Then again. I found out over the last few days the 9 yr. in given a bath about once a week. Maybe the bitch doesn't even change her underware.

I really think it is high time my BF gets the phone number to these 'counselors & therapists'. OH, and why have none of these counselors asked to speak to the FATHER. Because that lying sack of shit probably told them he doesn't care!!

Being very angry and fruastrated now.

BF needs to step it up

BF absolutely positively needs to be involved with these counselors and therapists. It angers me too when they don't get in touch with the fathers in the course of the therapy. Regardless of whether the lying sacks of shit say the fathers don't care, the therapists should reach out at least ONCE to judge for themselves, right? I just don't get it. Anyway, since that's not the case, BF needs to take matters into his own hands and contact them, share his/your concerns and make some changes.

I'm sorry you're angry and frustrated. But maybe that will be the impetus for change? I think you're the best thing to happen to these girls, Jo. Thank god they have you because BM sounds like she has a few screws loose and poor BF just seems like he doesn't know what to do - so he does nothing. Stay strong and let your anger be channeled into positive change for the girls. Good luck!

OMG I just realized something.

I was 15 when I pulled a knife on my brother in a dispute. My mom grounded me when she found out. But let me say I am not really a violent person, but my brother in most instances would drag me around by my hair and hit me and kick. SO this particular incident it was no different. He and I are only a yr 1/2 apart.. His friend was over and we got into a fight over records.. Little 45's to be exact. He first started to pull the records from my hands and in order to get me to let go he grabbed my hair and pulled me to the living room by it and threw me down and stuff anyways.. when he was finally done kicking my ass, I was just getting angry ok really angry so I pulled a knife on him. When my mom yelled at me she said what would you have done had you stabbed him in his throat. My response was "I don't care" and then my question to her was why did you give birth to an ass. That landed me more time.
OH my gosh. I did not think it was that big of a deal but reading all this I do now.. I am a jerk. My brother is the best person ever now. I think after that he did learn that I would not put up with his "abuse" anymore. That I too would kick his ass and take his name.. LOL.. Seriously though I am that kid. How scary.

No Happy.

Thank you for the laugh. Sounds like your brother needed to wake up. Next time you talk to him give him a grown up apology.
And your not this kid. at 14 she is a self proclaimed lesbian, who is sexually active,allowed to smoke in the house, is failing 8th grade for the second time, has half of her head shaved, wears the same pair of pants EVERYDAY, lip ring, brow ring but that's ok, she get to go on sleepovers, gets to go to the mall with her friends and complains that people pick on her. And hides behind all the disorders the therapist labeled her with.

Sorry, I needed to get that out.

OMG I just realized something.

Thank you, ladies

I really appreciate your feedback on this one. BF is on the way home now.
I'm gonna try to give him the nerve to call BM tonight and ask for the names of the counselors and therapists. Any bets on whether or not she will give them to him. I bet no.
Then I think he should threaten BM with calling CPS. I don't know.

Keep you posted.

yes, call CPS!!

Actually, I think most states now "require" indivduals with knowledge of child abuse to report it. (For more information, including statutes in your state, visit this link: http://www.childwelfare.gov/systemwide/laws_policies/search/index.cfm.
You report anonymously if you want from your local CPS chapter. Contact the National Resource Center for Child Protective Services (NRCCPS). Their web page is http://www.nrccps.org.

It will probably be the hardest thing you've ever done. But down the road, you'll look back and be proud of yourself for loving those kids enough to take that step.

Let us know how it all turns out. Best wishes.

I can't take the hurdles!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tonight BF & I talked and he agreed. Time to get in touch with the counselors & therapists. I got to talk with my best friend tonight too. She agreed with all of you. This is 'push comes to shove' time. The welfare of these girls is first and foremost.

So he called BM. Oh wait, new drama.....I'm so sick of it!!!!!!
BM got a call from the 14 y.o. who has been staying with her girlfriend for the past few days. The 14 y.o. has a 103 fever.

As it stands now. BM & the fucked up daughter are in the emergency room.
And no-one is answering at the house.

I could puke.

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