I learned so much & I'm done
I think I aged ten years in the last 3 days. it is impossible to make any headway with this nut job.
I now completely understand why BF shut down and gave up. She is relentless. She can rationalize anything. You can't say one thing to her that doesn't get twisted around. She truley believes she deserves praise, credit and sympathy for the way she handles the girls.
Last night I had DK's brother and his girlfriend in my ear almost all night. All they kept talking about was how abusive my BF was to his kids. How he needs to own up to the emotional scars that will forever haunt the girls.
Ok, I do know that he was the one to disipine. She never did. When the kids where bad, it was always, "wait 'till your Father gets home". I know he was tough on them and did put his hands on them a couple of times. He has already talked to the girls about it, apologized and pointed out 'it's a new begining for us'. He and the girls have gotten along beautifully in the last year.
Part of the problem is that now that DK has a reformed alcoholic as a boyfriend and now going to Alonan meetings, she wants the girls to use this crutch.
I was laughing with BF last night. OK so lets say you make this huge scene of 'whatever they want', is that going to suddenly get SD14 to past the 8th grade. Is that going to get SD16 to get a high school diploma.
Last night while getting my ear chewed off by DK's brother, he brought up something stupid from like the first two years of their marriage. I said, "Oh my God, you want to go back that far in time?." He got pissed off and hung up on me.
This mornings e-mail from DK said that she will discuss some of what I said at her Alanon meeting tonight. And that she is leaving things with her higher power.
Thank you for letting me vent.
- Little Jo's blog
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Comments
RE:
Most of this I can't really comment on, because I have never been through it and don't really know a lot of what you're talking about. But I DO know what it's like to not be able to rationalize with the BM, or when she turns every single piece of information to her advantage or twists it to make it look like BF has done something wrong. You can't talk to her because she will use whatever you say against you somehow, or make it sound like it's in her favor when it's really not. Then, when you have her backed into a corner where she can't explain away something she's done to her advantage, she lashes out and starts slinging obscenities, lies and accusations against you or BF to try to take the focus off of what she did wrong. I also understand how it feels to watch as a mentally unstable person, or perhaps a person with plenty of flaws of their own to put it nicely, blames their ex for all the problems that their children are having which they themselves have caused. BM in my situation is driving her poor child into depression and gastrointestinal problems at the ripe old age of 8 and she blames all of his problems on BF. I don't see how these mothers can be so emotionally abusive and neglectful of their own children, then blame the problems that result on the other parent! They do feel like they deserve praise because they are the perfect mother who could do no wrong. It makes me sick, physically sick, to think of the things that she does to that poor child that I DON'T know about, when the things I do know about are so horrible...then she tries to act like everything is OUR fault. How could they be so blind? It makes me wonder if BM actually DOES notice the problems that she is causing SS, or is doing them on purpose, so that she can blame them on BF and let that be just one more thing she can use against him.
The best advice, or rather consolation that I've heard is that people DO see through BM's tricks. Every single person that I have talked to who is looking in on our situation as an outsider is appalled at BM's behavior. They see right through her and know exactly what she's doing (likewise, they understand that we've really done nothing wrong except try to be nice all this time and allow BM the time she needed to hopefully get over this bull and move on instead of just suing her for everything she's got from the very beginning like we could have). Everyone who is on the outside looking in understands that everything BM brings against us is just garbage. Hell, her own lawyer even admits it. I'm sure people feel the same way about your situation. Truly unbiased people know when someone is being legitimate or if they're just bringing up things to be vindictive.
I know it's not much of a silver lining, and it doesn't make things any easier right now...but things will get better with time and after she's shown enough people her true colors. Just hang in there. We're here for you!
*~So sayeth Nymh~*
Thank you.
It's highly frustrating. Instead of really giving them the help they need, DK just keeps giving them crutches.
it's ok you have, anger management issues, you are bi-polar, you suffer from depression, you have a learning diability, you are have hyperness, and now, you where phsyically abused by your Father.
I joking told BF this am, maybe she should just put the girls on permament disability, so they can walk around there whole life blaming everybody else for there problems.
And I am very sorry for what you have been dealing with Nymh. I pray that woman doesn't snap and run away with him.
Thank you and best wishes for you all too.
Jo