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OT - Contemplating a serious career move

Lilywen's picture

Completely off topic but I wanted some impartial opinions (seems like everyone in my life has a partial one).  

Years ago I was laid off from a highly paid professional position.  I was recently married, H was making enough to support us both at a really rough time for me.  I have always been hardworking and self supporting.  Jobs were scarce enough with the economy and my particular profession was worse off than most.  Eventually, I found what I would describe as an entry level job in a completely new field.  Think like finance, but for two completely different kinds of entity.  I kept this job because we had decided to start a family and there was a lot of flexibility.  Since then I have been working at a lower level than my capacity becuase I am the primary caretaker for our two toddlers.

My current job is great.  The pay is decent for the work I do, my bosses are great and I have whatever flexibility I want.... but in my office is a micromanaging b!tch who has been with the company since it's start and didn't realize I was smarted than her when she hired me.  Like I said, I have this job because its flexible - I am grossly overqualified.  This coworker is controlling and rude.  More than that, she does her job terribly and my bosses do not know because they are so nonconfrontational that she controls them as well.  I have pointed out many business ending mistakes to them behind her back, they will say they want to get rid of her but do not.  They make slight changes though, enough to let her know that I have been talking to them and make a nice, competative, always looking for a mistake of mine to point out no matter how insignifigant.  Its like telling someone they have cancer and need to aggressively remove it, but the patient doesn't like confrontation so they just nicely ask the cancer not to spread.  

Recently, just for fun, I put my resume out to a few jobs more along the level of where I should be.   I interviewed for all of them and was given several offers.  One is among the most highly innovative and well respected firms in this area.  They made me an offer that would more than double my income.  I would have to work a full time week, where now I work only 30 hours, but they are flexible knowing I have children.  Long story short, with both of my girls I was back to work within a week of their births.  I took them to the office in baby slings and became somewhat well know in the field for what I was capable of doing while wearing a newborn.  Lol.  This new company had heard of me and offered me some flexibility upfront. 


Doubling my annual income is great.  We are not struggling, but we have goals.  My kids will be in school soon and I never wanted my whole career to be only "mom".  I could grow here, but I would be leaving my cozy space.  I am so torn, its hard to explain... instead of being excited and patting myself on the back when they offered me the job it was almost like my heart sank.


ESMOD's picture

Have you asked the new firm whether they would be willing to hire you on in a "almost" full time capacity vs full full time?  They sought you out.. so they obviously feel you would be an asset to them.

Toxic coworkers would be something I would get away from.  Your bosses have shown they will not support you here.

Between the more money and the opportunity to do bigger things.. I think you should take it.  UNLESS... you have heard bad things about their work culture and beleive they may be blowing smoke when they talk about being flexible.

Lilywen's picture

The toxic coworker was the driving factor in my looking elsewhere.  I could do her job, and do it right in less time.  I know I am capable of more and part of me hurts for the reputation of my titles of yesteryear.  Lol.  Plus I have shown my bosses mistakes that are costing this company over a million dollars in the past year, not to show her up but because I care about them, they legitimately have been lied to and this is not a company that can sustain those kinds of loses for much longer.  It wasn't like I was expecting them to fire her and put me in her position... but I expected something.  Now I just have bosses that are more aware of their dire financial straits and a big ol' target on my back with the office b!tch.  


I do believe this company will extend flexibility, not as much as I have now, but it is an outcome oriented job.  It isn't a big deal how long you are physically present, so long as the work is complete and accurate.  Flexibility is common in this field.


I guess it is the evil you know for the evil you don't.  

ESMOD's picture

My personal feeling is that we spend too much time at work to put up with crappy coworkers.  Unless you were truly trapped in a job you can't leave.. I think you should go for the devil you don't know.  Sometimes you can look on sites like Glassdoor to see what others say about the company.  They may have a reputation one way or another.  You also might ask if you could have a meeting with the people you would be working with.. to guage compatibility?

It sounds like it will be  a challenge.  Your current employers are unwilling to take the steps needed to fix the problem.  You might not want her fired but it sounds like she is better placed in another job.. if not another company.

SteppedOut's picture


Why would you want to stay with a B for 1/2 the pay? 

Are you scared of change? Scared of failure?

Seriously take it and be SUPER happy!


ProbablyAlreadyInsane's picture

Personally I would go for it! From how you're tlaking about it you sound way more excited about this! It gets you away from the mess, it sounds like they'll still have some flexibility, AND th emoney will be a bonus! 

Too often people will settle and give up careers "for the kids." But honestly if you work hard and show your kids how to work hard, I think that's going to benefit them in the long run just as much, if not more!

Congrats!!! It sounds like something you want! You should go for it!

queensway's picture

Two words, DO IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! If you don't one day you will look back and say what was I thinking. I would also like to add not to many women are offered something like this. Give yourself credit where credit is due.

CLove's picture

Go For It!!!!!

No reason to hold back, let your sun shine on! More money, no toxic biotch, growth oriented most respected company in your industry!!!! No question you need to take this.

Iamwoman's picture

I would definitely take the new position!

The difference between 30 and 40 hours isn’t too much in my mind, and they have already offered you flexibility, which means you will still be able to run out and pick up a kid or perhaps work from home one day while a kid is sick?

Speaking as someone who has stayed in a dead-end job for 14 years now just so I could firstly raise my daughter, and secondly put my husband through school (for a fantastic return this coming May), I wish I had switched careers sooner. I am now trying to find work in my career of choice and it is difficult to transfer my lesser skills into a larger job despite my qualifications.

Take and enjoy it! You can still be a mother with a 40 hour work week - there are a lot of us out there!

Merry's picture

What do you think is stopping you, if you think the new company will offer some flexibility?

Caution -- you don't know that there isn't a b!tch of equivalent crazymaking at the new place. But at least you'd be making more money and in a position better suited.

StepUltimate's picture

Super exciting! Go for it. 

One suggestion. If you take the job, and do an Exit Interview with current, consider writing your statement and reading it to them. Then, when micro-maniac-EX-coworker flares up with a new set of smears and it gets back to you, you can send that employee your statement, "for as-needed distribution." And that employee will spread it around & deliver some Gone, but Not Forgotten karma-action.

mro's picture

40 hours? 60 hours? If it's truly 40 hours how are the benefits?  My last couple jobs have been part time (by my choice) and there are absolutely NO benefits.  No PTO, sick leave, discounts,  nothing.  I am at the point in my life where I work more for the socialization but won't work more than 20 hours. Choosing between 30 and 40 hours would be a no brainer- I'd take the full time job.  When you figure in PTO there's not that much difference in the hours and then theres the difference in salary!

Harry's picture

Hire some type of child care person to tak care of your kids,  someone who. An be there for your kids untill you can get there  

lieutenant_dad's picture

Your current job is a sinking ship. While your managers May be lovely people, they suck as managers. They are costing the company money it can't afford to lose, and eventually the bandaid you provide won't be enough to stop the hemorrhaging.

Your current job is a dead end with dead end bosses keeping a dead end employee that will kill the company. Go spread your wings somewhere that is reputable and is offering you some flexibility. Worst case scenario, this new firm doesn't work out and you know other places would take you.

Do not stay on the sinking ship just because the lights are still on and the band is still playing. There is a lifeboat left with a seat with your name on it. Get in and row to the next ship. You said it yourself, you have goals, and you can't reach them when your dead in the water.

Congratulations. You EARNED this.

Exjuliemccoy's picture

I agree with Lt. It sounds as if despite your warnings, your current employers are going to go belly up eventually. This would compel you to find another job anyway, so go for it. Just make sure you CYA so there's no way you can be blamed for the B's poor performance.

Lilywen's picture

Thanks everyone.  I've been mulling it over all night.


My job is in high end construction,  custom design estates in the $10-20 million mark. It's super competitive and most of the great positions, respect and coin go to the people with the dangly parts because, eh, I guess women don't build stuff.   I oversee the builds soup to nuts from bidding the project to moving the owners in.  In this potential new position, I would be the financial director of the company.  Not just their construction division but architecture and home maintenance divisions as well.  I have not one day of accounting education. I was piss poor at math in school. My degrees are in social work because I guess between the ages of 18-23 nobody was brave enough to slap me, ask what the f I was doing and change my major for me.  I earned this from the ground up.  I did do public school business admin, but in construction, I am looking at going from answering phones to financial director in 5 years. 

New company is very different.  Much larger. Much more reputable.  My company now is a cluster f of mess, disorder and disorganization. Unprofessional and visibly so. New company plays calming zen music in a modern design, immaculate glass building on main st in one of the most famous resort towns on the east coast. Think summer white parties. Lol. 

I did earn this, damn it. I am going to go for it.

Gimlet's picture

Personally, I would much rather hire someone who learned an industry from the bottom up than someone with a fancy degree.  Most of the best people in my field have come up that way.  It also seems like most of the poor choices are made when leadership decides to listen to a sparkly new MBA with no grounding in how things actually work.

Don't fall victim to imposter syndrome.  The formal education pales in comparison to your experience and your well-earned reputation.  And we all know how well you write and what a terrific sense of humor you have, which is bound to be a plus no matter what you do.