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Clarity

Lilywen's picture

Hi all! Little update on my impending divorce and how I've been doing.  I told my stbx that I am starting proceedings... I had been holding off while I got all my ducks in a row but spur of the moment told him a little earlier than planned.

I was sick as could be a couple of weeks ago. I don't rest much, with 2 kids below school age and a job managing a multimillion dollar company, there are no days off. With a worthless slug of a life partner, even when I get home I am not afforded rest. Turns out I had pneumonia. I called stbx on my way home from the dr after work and told him I need to rest. NEED TO. He has to do some work around the house and take care of our girls... basically he has to be me for a day... but he isn't me. He is Worthless Slug Man. He tells me he got home from work hours prior and went to hang out with his loser friend. No way he could come home now. Sick as I was I ordered take out for my kids, cleaned the house up a bit, took care of the animals and went to lay in bed with the girls watching movies. 

The bastard actually called me at 12:45 am to say he was heading home and, in his infinite kindness, ask if I needed anything. At 12:45 am and after waking my sick a$$ up, I said "yes, if you see a man with his priorities on straight- bring him to me. Get an attorney. I already have one." (If anyone thinks my dearly beloved hubs was cheating and not just hanging out with his 41yr old friend who lives in his mommy's house- yes, I have recently caught him cheating but this time I detoured past the house and he was there with loser friend)

Cats outta the bag. It's been awkward. I want him to leave the house, he refuses. We remain somewhat cordial to each other in front of our kids. In private, he drifts unpredictably between his old abuse and half a$$ trying to rekindle some relationship. He will never change. 

I've gained so much clarity in all of this resolution. I foolishly married a man with severe mood swings thinking my calm and positive demeanor would change him. I got the two most amazing kids from it but it made me look long and hard at myself. I married him because I just wanted someone, anyone to love me. I didn't love myself and I settled and set my self worth on what this volatile, unstable, hatefilled man thought of me from moment to moment. But why did he marry me? Because he is lazy. He was raised to believe that he needed a woman to do woman work. I was as interchangeable to him as a dish sponge. He elevated his now adult son over me at every moment. Dangly bits equal power. Dangly bits command. No dangly bits and you better start cooking or vacuuming. He was on the phone with his father the other day and FIL was complaining that his little tummy has been hurting but his wife kept making fried foods. FIL called her a few choice names. I just called out in the background, "why not just get off your lazy ass and make your own damn food?" It felt good, really good. I've been marginalized by the males in his family for so long. You know what? F@ck them. I'm no filter now. 

Oh, and if you made it this far, skidult update too... skidult lives with his mommy who lives off of whatever penis she can find lying around. When the newest penis asked skidult to stop screaming at his video games at 3am skidult threatened him with a knife. Of course, the fool didn't even call the cops. Stbx talked to skidult with his usual parenting flair. He actually said it was 'stupid' to threaten BM's newest charitable sponsor with a knife because... you all are going to love this... because if he had gotten arrested then he would not be able to buy firearms. *shok* I said, loud enough to be heard, "yeah, that and it is wrong to do to someone who let's your useless adult ass live for free in his home for no reason other than he is dumb enough to want to climb on top of your methed out mom every night... that too." 

My God how was I so stupid for so long?!?!

Comments

justmakingthebest's picture

You poor woman!! Do you have any family that can come stay and help you with the kids for a couple of days? Pneumonia can turn incredibly dangerous very quickly!! 

I am so sorry that your stbx is such a douche. Hopefully he will leave your home soon. If not, what are your plans? What does your lawyer say about his behavior? Can you use this in court to keep him to supervised visitation with the kids until he grows up and becomes an actual man?

Lilywen's picture

Thank you, I am much on the mend. Family and friends have helped a lot with the girls and my bosses have been treating me with extra care. 

It is still early in my engagement with my attorney but I am keeping record of everything. Hopefully it will be useful. I don't want him to have necessarily supervised visitation, he is worthless, mean to me, and doesn't do much with the girls but he is their dad and he would never cause me concerns being alone with them. 

ProbablyAlreadyInsane's picture

Yay LIlywen!!! I'm so sorry about the Pneumonia... But I'm VERY glad that you're getting out fo that situation. You deserve so much more than that! Especially when someone can't even be bothered to help when you're THAT sick!

StepUltimate's picture

Love your clarity, thanjs for the update.

Proud of you & counting down until you're free. 

Aniki's picture

Kudos to you, Lilywen, for making the best of a bad situation. Hope you're better soon and ol' poopie head is GONE.

CLove's picture

Great update. Love your humor and wit. Glad you are skedaddling, and with all the lessons learned, you WILL find peace, serenity and definitely someone who will love you for you, not what you "bring to the table".

Take a nice long breakie. And take care of YOU!

Glad you are on the mend too, take care of your health, and get the "H" out of that relationship (H is for husband...)