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Update - Big Career Change

Lilywen's picture

I want to thank everyone who gave me advice on my last blog about my career change.  I decided to stay at my old company.  When I told the owners of the company that I was going to leave they fired the office bitch and gave me her position, matched the new company's salary offer plus a few grand a year (more than doubling my income), a company car plus all car expenses (gas, maintenance, repairs), and complete control over the functions of the company.   It's been 5 days. I have completely cleaned our office (office bitch was more into creating scattered piles of paperwork "to file" but never filed), we have begun construction on the office to make it more professional and we are in a better financial position then we have been in 4 years.  My first round of interviews for new office staff is today.  Gulp... I've never interviewed anyone for a job before.  

I really do like the owners. They are kind and generous as employers.  They just needed to get out from under that micromanaging office bitch. It was amazing to go through her office and find all the things she ignored to make time to supervise us the way I supervise my toddlers in the glassware section of a boutique shop. Expired licenses, ignored audit requests and oh so many unpaid bills.  But it is all cleaned up, straightened out and we are in a fresh start. My one boss and his wife stopped by while I was going through the office on a Saturday and the wife thanked me over and over, telling me my boss has actually been sleeping again for the first time in years. She gave me a generous gift certificate to one of the most famous restaurants in the area. Shrug, maybe I will take the H... in my new car... remind him of how much more money I am making than him just like he did to me for the whole time I have worked in lesser jobs so I could be the primary parent to our kids. Maybe. I don't know that I am petty like that.

H has told me he is proud of me and he has thanked me for how hard I have been working. I still do all the housework, child care, cooking every meal, taking care of all of our animals.  But I am, once again, questioning our whole relationship.  H did some painting for some extra money.  I stopped by sometimes and helped. On the last day he loaded all of his empty paint cans, paint garbage and supplies into his pickup. It was late when we got home and I told him we could get up early and clean out the truck. H did not get up early so I cleaned out all of the supplies and was going to dump the paint cans and garbage in one of my jobsite dumpsters. My day got away from me and i never got the garbage out of the truck. That afternoon it rained. The rain in the empty paint cans mixed up the small amount of paint in them and some spilled on the bed of the truck. H saw it that night and cursed me out. Told me how it is HIS truck and all I do is destroy it, etc. Then told me I can no longer drive HIS truck (we decided to get rid of my vehicle last year since he used a work van for work and has a motorcycle in a pinch).  I should have taken the paint cans out, but he has two arms and two legs. He literally did not carry out a single paint stir stick while I lugged ladders and 5 gallon buckets full of paint.  Joke is on him, I will not set one finger on his truck and he will not set one finger on my company car.

I wish he would take me out to dinner or send flowers to the office. These two men had so much faith in my abilities that they completely upended their entire business at my request and direction and I am killing it. H thinks giving me a hug and saying thank you for working so hard is sufficient. Maybe it would be if not for the fact that for years he has rubbed my nose in my income, boasted in public and private that he supports me, not lifted one finger around the house even as my new income make me the higher earner and I equally contribute to our finances. 

I bought myself flowers. I bought myself a very expensive bottle of wine.  I sat on my back deck with my flowers in a vase and drank my wine alone. Sad. Lol. But I am starting to think I prefer to be away from him. I confronted him and told him that he is verbally and emotionally abusive. He disagrees. I started treating him the way he treats me. When the lawn did not get mowed this weekend (third week now) I looked out the kitchen window as he was telling me a story that was clearly important to him. I interrupted him and said 'I see you couldn't mow the lawn, again'. He told me he was busy and went back to his story. So I said 'H, I just don't see what the f#cking problem is. You get the lawnmower, you start the lawnmower and you push it around the f#cking yard'. (Basically exact words he has said to me about laundry or cleaning or any of the other tasks I do). He got defensive and told me that this past Saturday was his first Saturday off since the beginning of summer (not true) and then suggests that since I am making so much more money now we should hire a lawn service. I told him that after years of him claiming to support me and mocking my income he wants MY income to pay for someone to come in and do the one thing he is supposed to do around the house... laughed heartily... added one more 'I don't understand how I can get so much done around here and you can't even push a lawnmower around for an hour" and walked away. I don't think he will ever change.

Oh, and while doing all of this... I slipped on wet grass one morning taking the garbage out. I broke a small bone in my foot and tore a tendon. H still doesn't help. I even walk our idiot 100+lbs dog on crutches. Weird how H was so angry about the Navy not being kinder and more helpful when Skidult had his fake bootcamp ending leg cramps but I have a broken foot and torn tendon and I can still muscle up.

So, all in all... new position at old company, H still being a b!tch, finally making enough money that I can consider getting out of this bad marriage. 


ndc's picture

Congrats on the new and improved job situation!  Sounds like it's your opportunity to get away from your abusive and unsupportive husband. I'd do it sooner rather than later so you're not tempted to stoop to his level and give him a taste of his own medicine for too long.  Best to leave on your terms with class.

Winterglow's picture

WOOHOO! Congratulations! I am absolutely, utterly THRILLED for you!

I am also disgusted that your lazy bugger of a husband can only see what's in it for him... Frankly, he doesn't deserve you. Never did.

You worked hard for this, you pulled out all the stops, you got your self esteem centered, and now you can look at the big picture and KNOW that you can have what you want, what you need. 

You go, girl!

lieutenant_dad's picture

WOOHOO! Now that is a company who is loyal and knows that they have it MADE with you!

Your H, on the other hand? Can him like the company canned the basic B manager. You're a smart investor in your own future - your H is a bad investment. Time to change things up if his performance continues to tank.

futurobrillante99's picture

I think the universe is giving you the means to cut loose that lead anchor around your neck.

I'm so sorry you're being treated like this by your spouse. I'm sure his man fee-fees are all achy from you being a more productive and competent human being.

Keep it up, woman! You're a rock star!! Smile

Iamwoman's picture

Wow Lilywen! That counteroffer from your bosses was a completely unexpected turn of events! Good things do happen to good people, and you got yours. Smile


As far as husband, he sounds a lot like my exH. That guy was an unfortunate blot in my life, and nothing but a stupid mistake on my part. He used to say things like “women should be kept busy at all times” and a host of other incredibly dumb phrases that he probably should have been clubbed for even thinking. 

Your husband sounds like an a$$. Berating anyone for not doing laundry is never ok. How on earth did garbage become YOUR job? An exit plan sounds like a great idea.

As far as treating yourself - you go girl! Do you have a good friend that might like to celebrate over dinner with you?

Your husband is more than just emotionally abusive... making you lug paint cans in the rain on an injured foot, and then yelling at you for not doing a perfect job, qualifies as physical too. If your husband is knowingly causing you to be in pain, repeatedly, I don’t see how it’s not physical abuse.

StepUltimate's picture

WOW I am so proud of you! So exciting and GRATIFYING the heinous office B got the spotlight of truth upon her and the owners likely saved their business by getting rid of that nightmare.

I am not an advocate of trigger-happy divorce, but your husband has PROVEN he is a mean, abusive, blame-shifting jerk. I love it that you are seeing clearly. I don't like what you see, either- seems like it's about time to cut the jerk loose to find someone else to both blame for every self-generated problem and return kindness with abuse.

Very proud of you and happy for your bosses because you are awesome. Pretty sad that everyone but the man who married and lives with you can't see what he's losing, but your bosses can and they fought to keep you. 

ProbablyAlreadyInsane's picture

Holy crap that's amazing!!! I need your employers!!!

Things seem to be looking up for you! I can't wait to see how they keep moving forward!

Step-girlfriend's picture

Wow, congrats!!! That is so exciting!!

But your DH sounds like a total D-bag. I hope your new situation makes it easier for you to find someone not verbally and mentally abusive. You will be living your best life in no time!

Harry's picture

Sounds like a great job.  Time to get a cleaning person. To do the heavery cleaning.  Gives you tune to more useful things.  Some you deserve 

hereiam's picture

That is awesome! Just think, had you not even considered that other position, this would not have happened, you opened this door.

And now, one jerk out of your life, one to go.

Siemprematahari's picture

Lilywen you can can do bad all by yourself and from the looks of it he is verbally & mentally abusive. Look at this as a new beginning. Increased salary, new position, new company car, and now you can reflect and consider getting out of this awful marriage to someone who does not appreciate you.

If you're doing all these things on your own, are not being treated well, and being put down by him..... what the heck do you need him for?

CONGRATULATIONS!!! Wishing you much success. You got this!

notasm3's picture

Be careful - the more money you make the less incentive for your DH to work.   I've seen more than one woman get a fabulous job only to have her DH quit his job because he wasn't "happy".   When the wife finally gives up on the marriage and sues for divorce she ends up having to pay BIG TIME alimony.   No wonder some people kill their spouses.

futurobrillante99's picture

PROMISE me/us that you are not depositing your new, doubled paycheck into a joint account for DH to make free with.

Please say you are saving a chunk of it for future plans - somewhere in cash and not an account he can claim 1/2 of if you divorce.

Pretty please. Biggrin