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Introvert Revelation

Lillywy00's picture

How many Step moms or former step moms are introverts?

Part of the reason I left the home I shared with my ex (aka Disneyland Dad of the Year) was that his lazy layaway plan pr0stitute and feral spawns disturbed my peace in my home on a regular basis. When I said something I got dismissed. 

I looked back and thought to myself "was I too impatient/intolerant/rigid?" "Kids will be kids?" 
Now that I'm back to living alone (will bio is here but gone most times with schools, sports, job, friends) I realize I just simply prefer to live alone. I highly doubt I will live with a man especially one with plus1,2,3 etc....

It stresses me tf out living with a dude with kids who didn't clean, were loud af, stayed up all d@mn night, tried to come and go as they pleased, touched my thermostat, etc. 

At least with men you can sweet talk them into doing things your way sometimes but they act like their ferals are off limits for behavior corrections - like if you don't properly raise your kids then someone has to train them up right!

I hated the fact that he had an "anything goes" mentality. "Oh it's the weekend let them enjoy being kids doing nothing while we give them no rules and pamper/cater to them" 

NO mfer! I'm the one who sl@ved away 40hrs a week plus overtime for an employer and now I gotta sl@ve for some overgrown kids I help provide for?!? These kids better get off their lazy duffs and help us for a change. 

And just as I'm getting off work hoping to unwind - he pulls up with his domestic t3rrorists and they're all over the house so to get my solitude to recharge I have to stay holed up in my room praying he entertains his kids and gives me moments alone after work. 

Anyways I guess I realized I've never lived with that many people in a house at once and if my house rules (and boundaries in my space that I pay for) were respected maybe I could have been a better step parent / partner ? 

I think in the future I don't want to live with more than 2-3 people. (If ailing parents need a place then I'll have a guest house) because it's too much mfing work dealing with multiple people in one household. 

This article describes very much how I felt like something wasn't right for me living with a man with underage dependents

....and why I will NEVER live with a man especially if he got kids and ex wife

Never, never, never again. 

My new standard is keeping my own space idgaf if it's "expensive" ... peace of mind is worth the cost!

Most men want women to move in for the free domestic labor, on demand seggs, free live in nanny services, etc and most of them don't compensate adequately for these benefits because they are entitled af and so are their demanding ex wives and their bratty dependents. 


ESMOD's picture

I think it's great that you have been able to do some introspection and decide what you will and will not be able to tolerated.

I don't think all men are trying to be users... but I also do think that societally women are bestowed with the preconception that they are the nurturing side of the couple and that they are inclined to want to step in and do the kid care and home care etc...  I also think that many times.. we, as women, try to be the person our prospective partners want us to be.. we "interview for wife role".. cooking... cleaning.. caring for the kid.. acting interested in their kids.. etc.. because we want them to "like us".

I am also a bit further to the Hermit side of the scale.  I am fine with people.. but not all the time.. I want to pick and choose.. and it's hard in steplife when your partner has custody.. even when you don't feel like having your life overrun.. that you don't want to deal with the noise.. the just general chaos that more people in your home generate.

Lucky for me my SO "gets" me.. and is careful to not overcommit me to too much social stuff.. his kids are now grown.. and we are not the grandpa house at all.. I dealt with kids for over 10 years in my home.. I was pretty clear that I was not going to be the baby sitter type for his grandkids.. haha.  and he is fine with that.


AlmostGone834's picture

If I didn't need to interact with people to make money and survive, I would definitely be a hermit. I hate, hate, HATE interacting with other humans (the only exception being my parents and my brother). If I thought I wouldn't accidentally kill off my homegrown garden and have to come crawling back to civilization half-starved, I'd definitely live alone in the woods somewhere. 

Lillywy00's picture

Same! Weekends just me (and what I choose to do) are splendid!

So much that I'm realizing jobs where I have to deal with people are a NO for me unless I'm getting paid very well and the people are respectful. 

AlmostGone834's picture

I'm also an introvert. It's one of the reasons I never wanted any children. I need my quiet and solitude. 

I would rather live alone in a cardboard box than with a man who has kids. The drama, the noise, the extra work... well everything you said. No thanks. 

Lillywy00's picture

would rather live alone in a cardboard box than with a man who has kids

Lol!!! I know right! 

Too many expections, doormat-level sacrificing, and every weekend/holiday (or whenever the breeder gets tired of them)  eliminated bc it's his turn to parent. 

Now that my kid is on the verge of being grown and mostly out of the house.....I'm looking forward to the benefits of an empty nest

la_dulce_vida's picture

I'm a socially adept introvert. People used to think introverts were shy and socially clumsy. It's not true. I've learned that it's about where you get your energy from. If people with people invigorates you, you're an extrovert. If being with people drains you and you need solitude to recharge, you're an introvert.

Being with people drains me, but I love being with the right people. I'm very gregarious and I make a lot of friends, but I don't want the kind of friendship where we're always up each other's butts. Most of my friends are the types to be okay with talking every couple of months and getting together once or twice a year. My closer friends I see a couple of times a month. The only person I'm in daily contact with are two of my friends: My BFF and my one online gal pal.

I did NOT like sharing a house with XH2 and his 4 sons. They would rotate in and out of the house, flip flopping between their mom and our house. They would leave messes, bring friends over, sneak girlfriends in, smoke pot, drink underage, eat all the food and not contribute a damned thing. XH2 loved it. Typical guy getting off on "providing" for his sons (which I was involuntarily subsidizing by having them under our roof) and feeling like he was winning over the BM by buying their love.

He defended me once or twice but most of the time threw me under the bus. I would get yelled at or given the silent treatment if I maintained boundaries.

The worst was when his 16 year old son was LYING to get alone time in our house with his 16 year old girlfriend. My XH2 colluded with his son to get him laid. I found out and interfered because HER parents thought there would be adults at home. I new different and canceled plans to be around the house. This pissed off SSthen16 and XH2. Then they tried to pull it a second time and XH2 lost his damn mind.

He's a vile person and his sons will likely be as vile as he is and objectify/use women for their own purposes.

With XBF, his daughter lived on the other side of the state and is older than my kids, so I never lived with her and only saw her a couple of times a year. And my XBF was even more introverted than I am.

I get it. I haven't lived alone for more than a few months here and there. I've always had someone to live with and right now it's my DD30. Now that she's working, it's easier for us to live together. She's out of the house most of the day and we only see each other in the evenings and some on the weekends. I get a lot more time to myself and I like it.

CLove's picture

Im halfway between extrovert and introvert. I love being social and get energy from it, in the moment.

I am also happy being on my own. Certain people suck me dry. I feel depleted and heavy.

PetSpoiler's picture

I am definitely an introvert.  I don't necessarily want to ever live alone but will never want to live with anyone other than my husband, bio kids and maybe a few guinea pigs and parakeets.  Being around people drains me.  Being around the wrong people sucks me dry.  When SS came to live with us it was a nightmare for me. I felt like my space was being invaded.  It only got better once my daughter was born.  

I dread the day that I will have to go back to work.  I can only hope that I can work from home and not do video calls. I don't want to work in an office again.  Or deal with people.  I had one job a long time ago now, that I actually liked.  I worked for a drug distribution company and my position was working in what they called the cage. (we sold to pharmacies mostly) There were the stronger meds like xanax, the narcotic pain meds, etc.  I was able to work by myself for a long time and I loved it because everybody left me the h3ll alone.  Until they decided that I needed another person in there with me.  Not my idea and I didn't want or need any help.  They sent someone in with me that I didn't like.  I felt like she was trying to take my job.  I went to the big boss and with the right approach, I was able to get that woman out of there and I got the lady that I requested in there with me.  She never made me feel like she wanted my job and we worked well together.  I never felt like she was invading my space.  I left because of the hours but I liked the job itself because I didn't have to be around a lot of people.  

I'm becoming more like my mother.  She won't even go in a grocery store anymore.  She orders online and picks them up.  She says she hates people.  I don't but I don't like a lot of them.  Too many have shown themselves to be complete jerks or fakes or something.  

Elea's picture

I am an introvert but I am also very social. I enjoy a bustling house as long as everyone minds their own business, is courteous, and knows how to take care of themselves. As I get older I enjoy solitude and quiet more than I used to. I raised my own BK's and now I'm enjoying being an empty-ish nester. I have no desire to raise any more kids, especially not somebody else's kids.

I grew up with a big extended family that was FUN to be around.

On the other hand, my Sdiablas26&24 can suck the air right out of any room and instantly kill joy with their angry demeanor and nasty attitude. They are exhausting. I feel for the fool that tries to be in a romantic relationship with them. No amount of lingerie is going to make up for their terrible personality.

Lillywy00's picture

As I get older I enjoy solitude and quiet more than I used to. I raised my own BK's and now I'm enjoying being an empty-ish nester. I have no desire to raise any more kids, especially not somebody else's kids.

THIS is exactly how I felt. 

Raising kids is HARD (and I did it for many years as a single parent). 

The ABSOLUTE last thing I want to do is give up my quiet empty nest for some Disneyland dad with a lazy manipulative ex-wife and kids with no-home-training. Because now I gotta expend way too much energy getting a family of 4 up to my standards. 

I know it sounds harsh but if I had to give up my empty nest to redo parenting for another x amount of years then it would be with an adopted or bio kid (because I'd have legal rights to the kid, no ex wife to contend with, and no guilt riddled Disneyland dad to battle with)

The only way I'd give up my solitude / peaceful empty nest to help with raising his kids is if he was a multi millionaire and compensated accordingly. I ain't about to be working for an employer 40+ hrs a week then work for some disgruntled ex and oblivious Disney dad and entitled spawns. 

Rumplestiltskin's picture

There's being an introvert, and there's not wanting to spend time with people you don't like. I have no problem being around SOME people. The thing about skids is you have to tiptoe or risk being seen as the dreaded "selfish" or "controlling." When they are your own kids, you can say how things are going to be. With skids, there's a lot of silently being uncomfortable. ETA things you say to your own kids that are viewed as "parenting", if you say them to skids it's "what a controlling b!tch!" 

Lillywy00's picture

The thing about skids is you have to tiptoe or risk being seen as the dreaded "selfish" or "controlling." When they are your own kids, you can say how things are going to be. With skids, there's a lot of silently being uncomfortable.


Then the Disney parents not only accuse you of being selfish but "you don't treat the kids equally" .... no numb nuts YOU don't allow them to be treated equally ... whoever steps foot in this house is going to get the same treatment I expect out of my bio. 

Disengage because of the Disneyland parenting then get hit with "you're selfish" bc you don't cower down to Disneyland-level parenting too. 

Lillywy00's picture

I'll be honest.

Maybe I didn't like their attitudes (especially when they kept touching my thermostat and he was so passive that nicely telling them not to do it had no effect, using my showers and not cleaning it, breaking my items, using my home office chairs without asking, yelling throughout the house constantly after passive dad kept reminding them, roaming around my house all hours of the night, eating in my kitchen late night after I closed/cleaned it, etc,) but their attitudes were formed by their Disneyland dad.

So it got to a point where I really didn't like him and it spilled over in other areas. 

Harry's picture

Being a step parent as something we could handle. That our SO would be normal. They would parent ,, they would treat you with respect and mage tge kids respect you.  What we forget is if they were that good they would still be married. We didn't get what we bargain for.  

Lillywy00's picture

You know Harry that's a good point. I remember thinking to myself "oh I have a kid so maybe I can handle this" .... 

Wrong! Little did I know (until after I found this forum) that I had a guilt riddled Disneyland dad who wanted on demand seggs plus free household labor to accept his scattered parenting style / help him raise with two mini-spouses while he continued to pay a lazy manipulative layaway plan pr0stitute for doing just barely above CPS report level child rearing. 

I know parents can argue over parenting the kids even if it's their bio kids together. 

I always wondered the REAL reason the divorced not just his one-sided "she was mean to me" reason. 

Because it's totally possible to repeat the same way of doing things that led to the divorce and without self-awareness those same mistakes will be repeated/continued which will destroy the future relationships too. 

Rags's picture

While I am definately an extrovert, I can go either way.  I have shifted as I have matured from way up front extrovert to more moderate extrovert perspectives.  People I care about I will engage with actively.  At a party I am an active circulator and engage with everyone.  I never meet a stranger.

Though I can also be perfectly happy for days on end in my space alone recharging and resetting.  Reading, napping, going on solo hikes, etc....


For me it is the quality of the people, and the quality of the interface. If those are not there, I do not care.

Aniki-Moderator's picture

I'm an Ambivert. Extrovert when with close friends and introvert the rest of the time. Social gatherings are excruciating as I need to work myself up to function and take 1-2 days to mentally recuperate.