Update on SS situation
First of all let me say thank you so much to all of you who have supported me and helped me to realize that I did right.
To answer a few questions some of you ladies asked:
DH has wanted me to put him in a bootcamp for a couple of weeks now so when I called him about this to tell him, he stands behind me 100%. See, two, maybe three weeks ago, I had to take a trip out of state to get SS9 from my mother, who was keeping them for two weeks like she has every summer that I have had them, because he was threatning to hurt my 3 year old brother. (Long Story)
So as far as DH is concerned, he is happy that something is happening with SS9 since he is gone a week at a time.
Some of you commented on me taking him to the police station, you bet I did, ladies, someone had to tell me what my options were and I figured who better, besides, what he did was breaking a law, so who deals with criminals?
Now for the update:
My in-laws have decided that now my DH nor I are fit parents and have spent a majority of the day calling me trying to get me to agree to sending SS9 to live 18 hours away with someone else in the family. They do not believe that SS9 would do such a thing even though they have witnesses first hand his temper. I listened to this for about 45 min from 2 different people and finally told them that I didn't care what they thought, that SS9 was not going anywhere other than where he was and forgive the hell out of me for wanting to keep my baby and SS8 alive and well.
Then I find out that they have been calling DH all day, and he's in another state working this week, to try to convince him to see things there way. Dh says he told them a flat no. That he agreed with me. But still, who do these people think they are? And where the hell where they while SS9 was home acting like this? They knew but didn't care. Now they care? Please, only because the other half of their family, the rich ones, frown on that sort of thing? Oh well.
I just can't stand the fact that they "imply" that I am such a weak horrible wife and mother, so when I read all of your comments, I felt so much better, especially after the day I have had.
- laughterandtears's blog
- Log in to post comments
Comments
There is not doubt here....
You and did dh did the right thing.... and cudos to your dh for taking a stand WITH you... at least you don't have to fight him along the way. I'm glad to see that you and dh are united.... with the both of you working together, your ss may be okay at some point.
I hope so
I want him (SS9) to have a happy life. This is one area where I am very glad I didn't have to fight DH b/c my answer would have been to pack mine and D's stuff.
IF IT WAS EASY, EVERYONE WOULD DO IT.
I apologize
I apologize if what I said offended you or made you angry, I didn't mean to upset anybody. I just felt putting SS9 in a mental ward was sort of like a "big deal" and it will remain on his person/record for the rest of his life. And I am sure he will always wonder if he is crazy.
And I agree 100% that you shouldn't have him around your baby or other SS8. Believe me when I say that I know what you are going through. I have a SS age 15 who was exactly like your SS9 when he was that age. Luckily we did not have a baby at that time when he was that age but he would hurt his sister (5-yrs younger than him)and my son (3-years younger than him) along with the neighbors etc. and he was always sneaky about it. One day I walked in to find him pushing my sons face to the tile, kicking him and slapping him in the face. Of course the kids did not tell me that this sh*t head was attacking them. So, I went after him like a Pitt Bull & off to his bio-mom's he went, I even tossed out BF when he tried to defend him.
If you read some of my past entries my SS15 would be a future Coumbine "ticking time bomb" but luckily the school board expelled him and he is no longer in the school system & he was placed on Probation until he is 19 for tossing a huge bag of marijuana around the classroom. Yes, there is a short wire somewhere in this kid.
My course of action was always sending him back to his biomom. And when allowed back in my house, it is run like a military camp or jail. I check all of his belongings "he was a theft", I also watch all kids like a hawk & make sure that he is never ALONE with any of them. Except now that he is older, he does skateboard outside with the kids and I do 15 minute checks to make sure he does not have anyone in head lock. I have a baby age 16 months, believe it or not he is a good brother to the baby but I keep my eyes on him at all times and assure him if he touches one hair on any kids heads that he will be off to jail. He is 15 yrs old and I believe he is old enough to know right from wrong. But at 9years old they are not all that mature. I just wonder if your ss9 knew what he was doing/would kill baby?
You say he was abused, perhaps his BM did things like that to him or worse. I just think that you should take your inlaws advise and turn him over to them. After all if they think they can manage him & change him at least let them try. And he will not be hurting the other children or your baby. I just see no good in a mental ward. Perhaps you could turn him over to inlaws and your husband and self can take him to a therapist weekly. Or if inlaws are so far away have them take him - he needs to get past the abuse his mom put him through if she abused him.
It's like a dog "If you kick it, abuse it, don't feed it & one day it attacks people" you can understand that it's just reacting to what he knows can cause abuse. And if his dad is gone a week at a time maybe he feels abandonded and angry.
It's just a thought and I am sure that it basically will all be the decision of your husband and his ex since step-parents really don't have much say unless adoption has occured - that is what I was told by BM of my 2 skids. My only recourse to her is that I own the house and if I say her kids are not welcome that sticks! So I apologize if I made you angry, it was not my intention. It was just an opinion. Take care
Julie (31)
Bio-Children - Son under 1 with BF, Son age 11 from previous relationship.
BF - Son under 1 our's together, Daughter age 20 from prior marriage, son age 14 & daughter age 10 from previous relationship.
Julie30
While I can understand what you are saying about knowing how I feel, I must say that I am even more sorry for you. The problems you describe are exactly what we are trying to avoid in the future. SS9 does not think he is crazy, in fact, he thinks we are crazy for not seeing things his way. Yes, he knew what he was doing could hurt the baby, we have been over it before.
My inlaws have had him before, when he was just 5 years old, right before I came into the picture, and they could not handle him for longer than a week. His grandmother cannot handle him for more than a few hours.
At the risk of repeating myself, SS9 has been to so many counslers and they have said he refuses to speak to them and all he does talk about when he chooses to talk is how he can beat up everyone.
At he end of the day, you have to do what is best for you and I respect that, but I cannot see overlooking any idea that will help a child to become better. Yes, he has to work through what his BM did to him, but he refuses to do so in a regular counseling session.
As for whose decision it is, since the kids are in my care, the BM is not allowed by court of law to have ANY contact with the children, DH or myself, and I have Durable Power of Attorney relating to anything to do with DH or SS's, I believe my decision carries quite a bit of weight. Oh, and I am in the process of adopting the SS's as well. Believe me when I say that in my house, whaqt I say goes, period and the only person who can even think about questioning it is my DH. I do not have the option of sending SS9 back to his mother, she will not take him and the courts wuld find me in contempt.
~THE EXERCISE THAT REALLY CHANGES YOUR LIFE IS WALKING DOWN THE AISLE~
Still feel like you did the right thing Laughter.
Lovers do not finally meet somewhere, they were with each other all along.
Regardless of what the inlaws think, I just dont believe that they are equiped enough especially where their age is concerned, that they could be of any benefit to your ss, nor do I feel like their age would help them in being strong authority figures to ss.The actions of your ss was not a one time deal, and therapy once or twice a week is not going to help him as much as daily therapy sessions by qualified doctors will. Again, I told you in my last post regarding this issue, it takes a great deal of love to make the decision that you and dh have made. It would have been so much easier and looked better to other's if you both had kept ss in your home, but the love you both have for him show's greatly in that you both know you have done all you can for him and love him enough to do the hardest thing any parent can do and that is to hand your child over to someone else who can truly give them the help that they need.
Thank You
What you said is exactly right. Keeping SS in the home would look better. But I have never been concerned with how things look and always been more concerned with how the kids are doing. You are so right when you say it is so hard to hand over your child to someone who can help them, not b/c it looks bad but b/c then you know nothing you have done is good enough and no matter what the kids the do, you love them still.
~THE EXERCISE THAT REALLY CHANGES YOUR LIFE IS WALKING DOWN THE AISLE~
I think that more parents
should put there kids in BOOT CAMP. I stand behind you 100%. I see a lot of parents who instead of being a parent turn a blind eye at everything and its funny to them. Its sad to me. How can you live in a home where you do not feel safe yourself let alone your other children feeling or being safe. That is not right. And he is only 9 years old. WOW. I think your in laws mean well with what they wanted to do in there own way. But then again, they are not there CHILDREN, and we all know that grandparents treat grandkids differently then they did us there own children. SO going there would not be a good idea. I mean my mom had my two the other day, daughter 11 and son 8 and she said oh I am making them there coffee, I said what, I don't personally allow them to have coffee, but can remember my granny letting me do things my mom wouldn't so, I go with it.
In my opinion your SS needs an attitude adjustment, point blank. i had a few of them growing up and it must have worked..
I am here for ya.. and support you 100%
Happy
" make sure you tell the people you love most EVERYDAY.. Its important not only for them to know but for you to tell.. Life is to short to be miserable..
Happy, Thank you
Boot Camp is our next option but we keep hearing how, at the age of 9, we have very limited options. So when he turns 10 or 11 and keeps on acting like this, right to a Boot Camp he goes. I am glad to know that there are other parents out there that feel the same. Kinda makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside!!
~THE EXERCISE THAT REALLY CHANGES YOUR LIFE IS WALKING DOWN THE AISLE~