The evacuation from hell
When I got home Friday I was really pi$$ed off and disgusted with dh. I packed up some clothes for dd and myself and loaded up my car. I was getting waters and snacks together when dh got home and I let him have it. He didn't try and defend himself at all he just kept saying I am not leaving my son. WHAT ABOUT OUR 2 YR OLD?? F him. I got my baby and left. I wasn't sure where to go because the path had changed so I called my mom and she told me to head north of Atlanta. By the time I got near Atlanta I was exhausted and dd had a blow out and was screaming. I stopped at a cracker barrel to get her changed and then I looked for a hotel. The only place I could find that had a room was a roach motel. It was disgusting but it was a roof over our head. I got dd settled and fell asleep for about 20 minutes when I woke up to dd gagging. She started throwing up and having diarrhea all night. I called dh around 3 because dd was dehydrated and told him I needed some pedialyte and some help. He told me I would need to figure it out on my own because he said if he left they wouldn't let him back in because of the mandatory evacuations in zone A and he couldn't leave ss. So I had to take my puking 2 yr old out at 3 in the morning and try and find a Walmart or 24 hour pharmacy to get her some pedialyte. She puked all over her car seat on the way and by the time we got to Walmart she had a blow out again. I got her cleaned up and then went back to the motel. On Saturday dd just laid around not wanting to eat or drink much of anything and I got concerned and took her to the ER. She was dehydrated and had a virus. I called dh once again and told him dd was in the hospital and I needed him but he said no, ss needed him to and he can't leave and that they would be headed to a shelter soon. Around 9pm they discharged dd and we went back to the roach motel, she slept all night and I cried. I don't think I have ever cried that hard before. On Sunday, dd woke up okay so I took her back to walmart to get her some clothes and some groceries and my bank card was declined. I used my credit card to pay and then I called dh to see have him look online and figure out what was going on. Dh pulled $1,000 out of our account just in case things got bad so he would have cash. Did he think about me and dd? No. He said he there was $500 left when he pulled that money out and he thought that would be enough for us. Well gas, motel and dd's $300 co pay at the hospital ate that up. He didn't think it was a big deal and told me to use my credit card. Sunday they cancelled his mandatory evacuation and when I saw that i called and asked if he would come up with us he said no he was staying with ss. Bm let him have ss and he wasn't going to drive through a tropical storm because with his son because I wanted company. So dh and ss played video games and ordered pizza on Sunday. I tried to head home on Monday and I got stuck in the middle of no where on a back road with a downed tree and no internet service to reroute me. I wound up sitting in a parking lot for 3 hours till someone answered their phones and were able to give me directions to get around the tree and back home. I will never use the waze app again! It took me off the interstate because of traffic and then I couldn't reroute it and was lost. By the time I got home I was mentally drained and needing a drink which is not something i usually do but instead of relaxing and cooling off dh and ss were 100 miles a minute. A tree had fallen on bms house on Sunday and crushed part of it. Dh feels 100% justified now on his decision to keep ss and nothing I say matters because if he would have left ss, he could have died and his instincts to protect his son were on the spot. Ss is staying with us and bm is staying with her boyfriend, yes she has a boyfriend her and ss could have stayed with!!, till her house gets fixed. I bet dh will still be paying child support during this. I hate all of them!
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Comments
I'm sorry girl, but why did
I'm sorry girl, but why did you not stay with DH......
I can understand him not willing to leave SS behind, BM was a bitch refusing SS to go, you could've said.. BM you and SS can drive with us, let's get out of here or you simply could've stayed with DH, SS and BM in the shelter.
You can not blame DH for this, you brought it on yourself in my opinion.
I know you do not like BM, (heck I hate mine) but if it boils down to evacuating town, I will assist BM and her hostel of snot noses, whether I like her or not, they are humans after all
Sorry to hear you had such a
Sorry to hear you had such a stressful time with DD being sick. I'm curious as to why your DH wouldn't have brought DH along WITH you when you evacuated? That would have kept him safe too.
wasn't he staying in a
wasn't he staying in a shelter with bm and son? he wasn't in her house during the storm, was he?
He was supposed to go to the
He was supposed to go to the shelter with bm and ss but the storm shifted west and they cancelled the mandatory evacuation. He asked bm if he could have some guy time with ss and she said yes and went to her boyfriends house and sometime that day the tree hit her house.
Yep, she let DH have SS AFTER
Yep, she let DH have SS AFTER you were gone. Because she does not care the least about her kid, she cares about splitting up you and DH.
I think it was more she
I think it was more she wanted uninterrupted time with this guy. I didn't even know she had a boyfriend.
My thoughts too. She
My thoughts too. She wouldn't let him take SS in the beginning but after she knew Laney is gone she allows him to take SS?!?! She is totally playing games, Laney's DH is allowing it, and BM is winning b/c Laney is going crazy.
I just spent a good hour or so reading your previous blogs and all the responses. I am so surprised that other's on here act like you just need to suck up a lot of this and it is for "the best interest of the child".
No way! I have a crazy meddling BM but if my SO acted like my feelings didn't matter in the beginning when I had insecurities (before I realized he truly couldn't stand her and he did do things purely for SD's best interest) there would be no way I would have stayed with him.
Your DH is all about his "first family" and dismissive of you and your child. Screw that! Get out now! I don't normally say these types of things but he is setting no boundaries with his ex and keeping his ex happy instead of his new wife or even working with his new wife to make her feel more secure! Screw that!!!!
Well at least now
Well at least now (unfortunately) you know what your DH will do in an emergency. If anything ever happens plan on being solely responsible for you and your child's safety and have an emergency fund/plan set aside for the two of you. DHs emergency plan can be "tend to BM and SS's needs". You can't count on your husband if it comes down to you or SS, as he just showed you and this must lower your expectations of him. Can you live with that? I don't think I could. If it were me I would be quietly making an exit plan.
I've already started. I am
I've already started. I am online shopping for apartments today and when I get paid tomorrow I will have enough to go if i decide to.
^^^This 100%^^^ I also would
^^^This 100%^^^
I also would be making an exit plan. Looks like you can survive as a single parent based on the weekend, so what exactly is dh bringing to the table? Other than heartache and misery?
Exactly!!
Exactly!!
I myself am mentally and
I myself am mentally and emotionally drained from the hurricane so I'm probably not as understanding as some. After all that, I know I'd be filing for divorce if I was in your shoes. The money from the checking account would have pushed me over the edge. His thought process was ridiculous- $1000 for a free shelter or $500 for gas, food and accommodations.
I'll add a rant to idiots who armchair quarterback who have never had a major hurricane that make stupid comments. I was told not to evacuate since I'm in a non flood zone and the roads were congested. My city sustained historic flooding that has never happened before. There is nothing more terrifying than watching flood waters rise up your backyard closer and closer to your home.
TBH, if he knew she had a
TBH, if he knew she had a credit card, he may have assumed she would/could have used that for her lodging... the fact that her child had a 300 dollar copay at the hospital wasn't necessarily something he might have predicted. I understand why he might have wanted some "ready cash". Shelters may not always be a good option. He may have needed the money to find alternate accommodations or to buy emergency supplies. The fact that in the end it wasn't needed is neither here nor there. In his mind, his wife and daughter were out of the danger zone where they were.
While I am not sure I agree with his decision to split his family, I don't blame him for not hopping in the car to drive however many states away to go buy pedialyte. I mean if he could have found the gas... and if he could have navigated the storm moving north (my DH drove through it and said even inland it was not good).. it might have taken him days to reach her which would have been useless. So, his initial decision put them in this bind (well along with the weather thing), but I'm not sure how the other things were all that horrible on his part.
And, I have my weather experience... I was without power for 3 weeks during Isabelle with over 100 trees down in 2 acres of my house with some resting ON the house (and on the well.. so no water ie no flushing toilet without hauling water from a pond). We have a home in FL that had damage from last August hurricane and had to fight the insurance company. Went through a Monsoon in Okinawa that drove water through the cinder block walls of our home. I've taken shelter in closets and have had to drive for hours to find gas, ice food. I've had a horse killed when the storm took out my fencing and she got into the road. Every situation is different and preparation is key. But sometimes even the best plans result in stories like the OP's.. crapy days in substandard living. Sick kids would be the icing on the cake.
Sounds terrifying - glad
Sounds terrifying - glad you're (mostly) okay.
I'm furious on your behalf.
I'm furious on your behalf. I don't know how long you plan on staying with your DH, but I would be making every second of it hell for him. You don't put your wife and baby on the road alone to evacuate for hurricane like that. You just don't. I want to seriously punch him in the ball$.
Yes! Every word of this! This
Yes! Every word of this! This guy sounds like a selfish douche. Sorry Laney.
It sounds like a horrendous
It sounds like a horrendous few days. I am glad that your daughter is better now and that you are all safe. If I were you I would take a little while to fully assess the situation before making life changing decisions. Perhaps you could save half the money for a new place from tomorrow's check and use the other half to treat yourself and de-stress somehow. A spar day, weekend away, night out with friends, visit your family ... then if you still feel that you want to leave your husband by your next pay check you already have half the money available. After such a stressful few days taking time out to recuperate and fully contemplate and assess where you want to go would be a good thing in my mind.
Yeah, you are right. My mom
Yeah, you are right. My mom is saying not to do anything rash right now and I need to de stress first and heal from this. My 15th check is usually my bill free check so I would have to wait a month if I decide to leave which is also weighing on me. I haven't been able to look at dh all week and he thinks I am over reacting.
I don't think it matters so
I don't think it matters so much at this point who was at "fault" in all of this. What matters is that you and your DH are not on the same page regarding family (you, DH, your daughter and his son)and priorities and it doesn't appear that you ever will be. I think this is where you decide what you are and aren't willing to live with and take action accordingly.
Wow! You have had awful
Wow! You have had awful situations lately!! Jeez!!!
A disney trip.
A gun for Father's Day.
And then this whole ordeal.
A $300 ER copay is horrible itself!!! Last time I used one, it was $50! Ages ago, for sure.
Hopefully this all ends soon for you.
Last year our co-pay was $250
Last year our co-pay was $250 and I am a state employee with insurance through the state. You'd think it would be cheaper.
Being the state employee, I'm
Being the state employee, I'm sure you knew what plan you selected and the co-pays, deductibles, blah blah.
While I am sorry you had such a rough go of it, I can't help but think part of the hardship was your own lack of a evac plan and preparation. And for what it's worth, you do realize your little would have gotten sick with her virus whether DH had went, you'd had stayed home, or there were no tropic storm at all. She had obviously been exposed prior to you fleeing Friday evening.
I saw your headline for your next blog (have not read it yet). You need to think long and hard BEFORE you make any decisions. For one, if you divorce, DH will be getting partial custody/visitation, perhaps 50%. You will be alone caring for your little one all by yourself on your time, and if she gets sick on Dad's time you likely will not be called over (unless in hospital). Sure you may get CS, but you alone will be responsible for all care and issues on your time. You will be expected to move on with your life and there will be no picking up the phone and calling your ex to hurry over and do this or that.
There will be the divorce with some type of split of marital assets, settlement on debt and who gets to pay what, then there will also be the many more times little one will get sick whether at your house or Dad's. If you decide to move away, there will be custody court issues. If Dad moves away, there may be times he gets entire summers with little one. If Dad pays CS and he gets laid off, CS could be downsized or temporarily cease. And remember BM , for SS, has first pull on CS. There may be times your paycheck will be all that you have (I bring this one up as you said there was a mere $1,500 in a joint account for this storm). There may no longer be a credit card lurking in your pocket to whip out when cash is low until next paycheck. All things to think carefully about and pre-plan for.
I understand. The $1500 is
I understand. The $1500 is what was left till I get paid tomorrow and we have a separate savings account that I didn't have a card with me for. I'm not rich but I could make it on my own.
Why would you even go back???
Why would you even go back??? That is grounds for divorce. There is NO CHANCE IN HELL that I would put up with my husband staying with his ex in the event of natural disaster and not taking everyone to evacuate.
This is the most extreme
This is the most extreme example of an H preferring his first family over his second that I have ever seen.
The way he put ss over us is
The way he put ss over us is almost unforgivable to me. I'm going to suggest counseling to dh but even then I don't know if I can forgive him for this.
Counseling will probably not
Counseling will probably not work. He is already set in his ways thinking that his first family comes first and his 2nd family is plain ol' dirt. He may pretend in front of the counselor that he is "working on it" then turn around and get even worse at home. I can seriously see him getting physically abusive with you. He treats you as though you and DD are a PEST.
Physically abusive? You have
Physically abusive? You have not met my dh, he is the farthest thing from an abuser that anyone will ever meet. Dh has never even hinted during our worst knock down drag out fights to be even a little abusive. If bm and ss weren't an issue he'd be the perfect husband and everything I would want. Unfortunately he refuses to put dd and I ahead of ss when we need him more and he is to friendly with bm for my taste.
Remember though.. he thinks
Remember though.. he thinks you want him to put his NEW family before his SS. If he really had reason to feel that his SS would need help that his BM wouldn't be able to handle and he knew you could deal with it.. then he prioritized where he thought there was the greater need at that time with the information he knew at that time. The fact that things changed later is not something he could control.
So, conversely one would say Laney wants him to put her and her daughter BEFORE his SS and that isn't necessarily right either.
I don't totally understand how each adult here got to their decision on dealing with the storm. It sounds like Laney may not have communicated that her plan was to leave.. while DH's plan was to stay. Laney could have decided to stay with DH and shelter with him too..but she got mad and left. I am not saying I don't blame her for getting out of the zone.. but it sounds like a huge breakdown of communication happened.
We were told that we had to
We were told that we had to evacuate and that it was going to be mandatory. Dh and I planned to take dd and ss and evacuate to some place safe but bm wouldn't let ss go so then dh wanted to bring bm with us and I said no so dh decided to stay. I took dd because I wanted her to be safe and if it was bad then I would have a place for her until electricity came back on.
I guess in this case again..
I guess in this case again.. your DH felt you had your daughter going to a safe place and he was going to stay and provide similar protection to his other child since YOU had it taken care of by leaving.
If you had allowed BM to leave too (which was a choice you had)... then perhaps he would not have stayed. But then, you would have had to dealt with her.
I honestly think he feels justified staying to protect his son because he didn't trust his wife to be able to do it. He trusted you to take care of his other child.
How do you think it would have played out if the storm had hit hard.. he had left with you and his son died. Your marriage would be over because he would never forgive you for making him leave his child.
So, conversely one would say
So, conversely one would say Laney wants him to put her and her daughter BEFORE his SS and that isn't necessarily right either.
I see no point to marriage if the family doesn't come first. This POS shouldn't have remarried, simple as that. SS comes before anything. He should have never made himself available on the dating scene because he is not available. I feel very bad for OP and the child she has with this POS. This man should have never had more children.
He pulled money for himself
He pulled money for himself and did not tell you????? Took more than half?????
He showing you what he thinks about you and your daughter. Believe him.
I would say bye bye to his sorry butt
He pulled it out of checking
He pulled it out of checking and he had no way of knowing I didn't have the card for our savings account, it's in another bank and has plenty of money in it. I am annoyed he didn't give me a heads up and embarrassed my card was denied but dh didn't leave me with nothing. I have a credit card with a $25,000 limit with a zero balance. I complained about it because it was just piled on to everything else I was annoyed with.
Your DH is one of the most
Your DH is one of the most disgusting POSs I've heard of. He still thinks you should have just swallowed his sh*t sandwich with a smile. He does not give a sh*t about you or your child.
He's basically told you that you and your child are not his problem. He unfortunately is your problem. You are in for decades of misery from this man.