Feel like a bad BM, and a frustrated SM
My exH was still on my cell plan and my auto ins. I informed him yesterday I was removing him from both, I gave him a day on the cell to get his own cell plan so he could keep his #, and a month on the insurance (he's paid his portion every month and the auto is good till end of the month)He handled me informing him of this well (usually it would of been a tirade of name calling and me just trying to screw him) but he also realized I could of just screwed him shut his phone off and kicked him off the ins THEN told him. So yesterday was a bit long taking care of those things and added SO to my cell account which got to me more than having him move in because it's our first official financial tie. Everything of course is in my name cause well I have control issues.
So now why I'm a bad BM. exH gf is refering to my kids as her "babies" this twists my panties she's been around for 6 months she sees them eowe at their dads where she lives. She doesn't raise them, help with school, or do really anything for them according to the kids she sits on her butt and makes them clean house and do all chores while they are there. (Now I'm all for chores but they get there at 6pm and first thing outta her mouth is "kid xyz get the dishes done for me would ya hun") so they do their dishes that the kids had no part of dirtying. Accourding to my son she "picks on" my daughter makes sarcastic remarks, and ignores her otherwise. Makes me want to smack her for calling my kids, the ones I raised, I take care of day in day out the ones I birthed, I help with homework and bullies, and friends and she calls them her "babies"! Grrrrrrr. Call them something else GD it! I know what I'm told comes from the kids and I just tell them address it with their dad and her not me but it still ticks me off.
As for frustrated SM; SO and I have been together almost a year, in that time his ex SD has came over once at Christmas. Never calls or wants to talk to him on the phone he's invited her to do thing with her siblings when they are with us and nope she doesn't want to. No prob it's not his kid.
So last night his ex aggreed to let him have his kids extra this Fri/Sat, and she says his ex SD is coming too because she "wants to get her easter basket from him and see her grandparents (SO's parents). Um NO! I will not have her kid expecting gifts being the only reason she wants to see him! He almost text her back ok till I pointed out we were not getting her a basket, nor was his family and that's the only reason she NOW wants to come over. SO text back it was not ok for her to come expecting gifts there were none for her and would be none, she will not be a holiday kid. BM flipped out told him he was mean leaving her out blah blah blah. He informed her if his exSD wanted to visit some other non holiday time that'd be fine but she's not coming this weekend. Of course I had plans for Friday since we are supposed to be kidless after dinner at my parents now I have 4 kids to take to my dads, 2 extra they will have to feed and SO will be stuck at home with his 2 cause I'm not changing my plans because he didn't think to ask me before agreeing to get his kids friday instead of Sat morning for his family thing. I'd of at least been able to remind him of dinner plans so he could think to let me ask my parents FIRST before tossing 2 other mouths to feed.
Maybe I'm over reacting to everything and I'm getting PMSy or something I'm usually better at letting the little stuff not be an issue.
- Lalena75's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
Oh man the dishes thing would
Oh man the dishes thing would drive me nuts. I would tell my kids not to wash them. I would let ex know what I told them and why.
You are so right on the money
You are so right on the money about children and loyalty issues. I would really not take all they say for the honest truth. My skids made up all sorts of awful lies about me, they also told us lies about BM.
...I am hesitant to pass
...I am hesitant to pass judgement on your exH's GF--do you know for sure that she's making them do chores like that? (You did mention you're only hearing it from your kids--maybe you can make XMIL go over one day and see if that's what really happens...)
I only ask because I have seen kids play both parents against each other for their own gain, even relatively young ones.
They ar son 10 and daughter
They ar son 10 and daughter 16. That's why I have them attempt to address issues there on their own because they are old enough to work on conflict resolution and if I try to talk to their dad he gets huffy says I'm accusing him of being a bad dad and I can go F myself. SO and I expect 1 or 2 chores minimum out of the kids at home except the Sunday they come back from their dads cause they shouldn't have to clean up after he and I when they haven't even been there. My dd has already a few times refused to go over there and her dad says he won't make her but I'm still hopeful he'll salvage his relationship with his kids so I put my foot down that she will go and do her best before giving up. She's pretty sure he won't have any contact with her once she's an adult. They can't stand his gf even though I encourage them to be polite and use their manners regardless she's rude to them. Kids think she's jealous of me and that my kids like me as their mom. She's given her daughter to her ex and when her daughter asked to move back in with her she told her no she didn't want to live with her now she can eat crow (she's 12) who says that to their kid? Sorry to rant on I just want my kids to be happy have rules but be respected as human beings not treated like crap cause I'm their mom.
She gave up her own child now
She gave up her own child now wants to claim yours???
I try to take what they say
I try to take what they say with an understanding they could be playing houses against each other. I was a stepkid and did similar but also had a very cold mean heartless stepmom who I still try to have a relationship with as she may be a step but she's my dads wife and my kids grandma regardless. Its why I don't address issues with my ex and remind the kids its his house they have to take it up with him. They are free to vent to me but I will listen and not comment (though sometimes I really want to) I've had exH's cousins comfirm some of the issues the kids have and tell them the same the kids are old enough to discuss it with their dad. I'd like to see them at least have a decent relationship with his gf simply out of respect for their dad, but he's done so much to push them away (he does this to family as a test sees how far he can push them away before they abandon him he's done it to his parents his siblings me and now his kids). As for my SO's ex SD SO has tried to keep a relationship with her asks when he calls his kids if shed like to talk, she won't, invites her over with her siblings, she doesn't come, even invited her for a couple lunches just him and her and she refused. Last time he saw and talked to her was christmas she came to get presents and was upset he had none for her (he didn't know she was even coming) and so she got what his parents got her. They know he doesn't see her so there's nothing for easter either. His ex is ranting on that he has to take her and should go get her a basket. BM doesn't know who her real dad is (or won't tell who he is). So since she was 2 my SO is the only dad she's known so I feel bad for her but she just expects gifts.
Excellent advice for both
Excellent advice for both situations thank you. I think it'll help my kids, and SO with his exSD. At least with your approachhe has a way to give her an opportunity to stay a part of her life if she and BM choose that over gifts. And I get a diffrent way to word things to my kids to try and look at their dads gf in a diffrent angle to see if she can be a positive person in their lives. My ex and I always had a lot of very close friends we and our kids considered family so I can maybe add in for them to try an see her like that. I can feel good knowing they know its okay to let new people be part of their lives. I know I'm a good mom and I know they think so too (my DD even has commented that though I'm stricter than some of her friends parents she likes that she knows there are rules and boundries rather than kids she know that are rude wild entitled brats. Id be horrified if my kids ever treated someone the way some skids treat their families.