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Today's ridiculous remarks

Happycamper's picture

Another day...I just get so tired of the skids being on another level than my kids. Quick run down...My bio kids are 21 and 25. Skids are 19 and 16. As long as I've been with DH, he's considered my kids SO much older than his. Yes, my older one  is, but not a ton of age difference between my younger and his older. Now, I've always noticed how him and BM treat their kids and they have always babied the skids...so much to the fact that they are immature for their ages.  Always have been, for years! I can remember the day my DD turned 18. DH went on and on about how she's an adult now. She should be able to handle this, and that, blah, blah, blah. Well, he was talking about today how excited he was to hand with his kids. He picks both of them up once a week and takes them to dinner. He made the remark how he knows I get excited to see mine too...yes, it just ends up being 5-6 months in between because of where we live. Then he says...well mine are still "babies." WHAT?!? I'm about over the babies thing. I'm like wait...one is 19!!! She's been out of high school a year now!!! When mine turned 18 you said she was an adult. He immediately CLAIMS he never said that. Isn't it funny how these guys get amnesia when it comes to their kids? Yes, his are like babies because they treat them that way! The 19 is not going to become a functioning adult unless you guys make her work and do something! I wish that she would actually get a boyfriend. Maybe that would change things. Dad would rather her be a spinster than see her with a boy. Anyway, that's today's rant!!! My kids are better than your kids rant of the day! Lol! How am I not crazy yet???

Comments

warenb82's picture

It’s true even though they don’t like to admit it! My SO always throws my 18 year up in my face about his flaws. How his kids aren’t going to do that yada yada yada!!! 

TwoOfUs's picture

It is so weird. I don't have any bios, but I've had a similar experience with my DH and my youngest sister (who is 13 years younger than me) and with my niece and nephews. 

With my sister...she's only 3 years older than my OSD. Right now, she's 26 and OSD is about to be 23. DH and I have been together (dating, then married) since my youngest sister was in 8th grade. My dad died when she was 15, and she had a really hard time for several years and leaned on me a lot. DH used to CONSTANTLY talk about how it wasn't my job to "rescue her" and how she needed to grow up and be more mature...etc., etc., etc. 

And I'm like...your daughter literally can't order for herself at a restaurant and she's 16. She literally still hits and scratches her younger siblings. AT SIXTEEN. She'll literally go to the store with us and just say one word over and over again if she wants something rather than asking in a complete sentence. She'll literally crumble her food at the dinner table and leave a huge mess everywhere...

Meanwhile, my sister is 19, has just been through a major trauma at a very young age...but still graduated high school a year early with enough AP credits to go into college as a sophomore...and went 15 hours away for college on a full scholarship. She entered college as a sophomore at 16 (the age your immature daughter is right now). But sure. My sister is the one who needs to "grow up" because you think she calls me too often to ask for advice/help....

OK. 

 

Monkeysee's picture

‘Babies’ at 16 & 19??? I honestly think I’d puke if DH ever said that about the boys at those ages. Me being me I wouldn’t stay quiet about it either, but instead tell him ‘no they aren’t babies & you’re doing your kids a huge disservice by still thinking they are. Way to be a ‘great’ dad, DH’.

I’ve got no time for Disney daddee crap, it literally grosses me out. I’d call him out on both the double standard & his terrible parenting & go about my day. If he gets mad it likely because it hit a nerve & somewhere inside he knows you’re right. 

Happycamper's picture

YESSS!!! When I called him out on it, he says they will always be my babies and I will treat them that way. You aren't taking that away from me...I've totally given up on this. The 19 year old still sits in dadies lap and jumps and wraps her legs around him when she sees him. Yes, I want to puke every time I see this!!! This is a battle I have been fighting and lose every time. They will be 30 and I will still be hearing how they are his babies and he has to see them every week or more often than mine because they are SO much younger than my kids.  UGH!!!

Monkeysee's picture

She still sits in her laps & wraps her legs around him??? Omg. I honestly wouldn’t be able to handle it & would like end up saying out loud & in front of them ‘that’s disgusting, you’re 19’, or ‘I hope you realize I’m the one having sex with him’.

Would it be the right way to handle it? Nope! But it’d be more than I can handle so I’m not sure I’d be staying in that relationship anyways. Does your DH not realize how gross & inappropriate his behaviour would look to literally anyone else???

Happycamper's picture

I try to point these things out. He's oblivious to anything when it comes to his kids. Seeing someone else do it, he would probably be grossed out, but there are no rules when it comes to the skids. They are in a league of their own.

Winterglow's picture

Post photos of them doing this on FB, for instance, with a caption that says "Isn't this just too cute?" or something similar and then wait for the comments to roll in. Remember to tag both of them on the photo...

Youi'd be surprised how making things public can shake things up.

Want2's picture

I think today’s society sucks for raising children into adults. I mean look at the Little House books, pioneer girls were teaching school and getting married at 16. It’s like we’re evolving backwards or something!

My 16 year old joined a sport and got a part time job this spring and it’s been great for her. It leaves no time to get into trouble and her grades have actually gone up! She seems happier and likes having her own money. My FH was afraid I was babying her and I admit she was getting a little lazy and mopey. We’re off that path now thank god.

ProbablyAlreadyInsane's picture

"Babies." I mean in the sense of "they'll always be his babies." MAYBE. But in the sense of reality. He!! no. They grew out of the baby crap at like 12. Yes he'll still be excited to see them I'm sure. But he definitley shouldn't be used the "babies" excuse. Especially for the 19 year old! She should be employed, in school, doing SOMETHING productive!!!

I don't get the babying your kids thing.... A parent's job is raising them to be PRODUCTIVE and helpful members of society.... Some parents have really lost sight of that in the attempt to be the "friend" or "protect" their child.

MommyT's picture

SS12 is soooo babied by BM and his stepdad. I remember when he was 6 years old, the stepdad was carrying ss to his soccer practice. It’s hard to look tough when you are being carried like a baby. My 6 year old girl does chores, reads chapter books, and actually gets disciplined and I see a major difference in the humans they are becoming. SS is very sweet but he gets horrible grades and he doesn’t know how to do anything by himself. There is a lack of motivation to succeed or do anything special in his life. My daughter, I know much younger, just seems more driven. I do believe it is parents and how they nurture their kids. We teach our kids that to succeed you need to work hard. BM teaches her kids that mommy and daddy will do everything for them. It drives me crazy!

Happycamper's picture

You will continue to see a huge difference! I've been with DH since my kids were younger than his are now. His are so behind in maturity, school, anything. I know it's because they are so babied. Now the 19 year old is even babied more than the 16 year old. I've seen the 16 year old doing things for the 19 year old that she should be doing herself. I even saw her helping her with her homework in high school! No one wants to make her grow up. They will continue to do everything for her. DH and I got into a huge fight now long ago because I feel like she needs to be working. She works a few hours a week and has already decided to take the summer off the have fun. She has NO friends so having fun is sleeping all day and being a sloth.

Cbarton12's picture

Ugh. His kids are not babies. his "babies" sure. But but can't be coddled the rest of their life! 19 is still young and a lot to learn but they will never mature into a grown adult If they're still treated like children at 19. 

 

That's really weird that she still sits on his lap etc.

shamds's picture

loss... anytime shit gets real because he disrespected me and knows he tried to cover it up he claims selective memory loss. When he lies to me when i told him i don’t want to be at a family event sd’s will be at and would stay home hubby knows sd’s are coming all along or they’ve confirmed within 30 mins of me telling hubby and hubby refuses to tell me. Claims he forgot. Lying is lying, you can’t sugarcoat it