Parents having issues with you being a step parent
Thanks for the support step talk!
Since my last blog DH has got an awesome job and my step daughters to be have been great.
Only issue is my mother. When we lived back in Chicago she refused to meet my bf now fiancee.
She will be out here in July to see a friend and wants to spend 3 days around me. She told me seeing DH will be a "hi bye" experience .
A bit upset here. While I love my mum she does have a slight mental issue of not seeing me as an adult and refusing to recognize my future husband and step kids.( I told her about my SD's recital and she immediately tried to talk about mine which was 18 years ago)
Younger step parents and those with clingers - what should I do here?
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Comments
Has she given you an actual
Has she given you an actual reason that she doesn't want to meet him? Have you asked her why she doesn't want to meet him?
Kind of
There is a large age Gap between DH and myself but everyone else in my family has come to terms with it and his as well after everyone was introduced
Sounds like she 'wants better
Sounds like she 'wants better for you'. Did you leave a good life, like job Etc to move so your husband could chase his ex-wife? Are there issues with the BM being high conflict or ?
Not at all
I kept my job ( I work remotely) and while I'm not BMs biggest fan everything is going smoothly there.
He was considerate when asking me to move and we did weigh the possibility of staying but Chicago is more of a "nice place to visit" definitely not to live in lol
Meh. It could have nothing to
Meh. It could have nothing to do with your choices. My mom has shown extremely little interest in my life in general, so it was no surprise that she had nothing to do with my husband and his kids. She still didn't know my skids' names after we'd been together six years. We've been married 9 years, together for 13 years and she has never once given them so much as a card for their birthday. She's seen my son TWICE since he was born, so her involvement in my life had nothing to do with my choice to marry a man with kids. She is simply too self absorbed to really be interested in anyone else.
I'd honestly prefer that
As my mum is constantly interested in me but just wishes my DH didn't exist. She's overly clingy.
When I was growing up, my
When I was growing up, my mother always punished me by taking away affection if I didn't do what she thought I should. If I didn't act how SHE pictured in her mind I should. If I made a choice that didn't fulfill HER wishes and desires. Mind you, I was really responsible and had a good head on my shoulders. It was just always about her.
It is hurtful, yes, but also selfish and a bit toxic. If you are happy and your DH is treating you well, have a healthy relationship, etc. then you have done nothing wrong. It is your life. If this is what you want and you are satisfied and happy, then your mother should be happy for you.
You married an older man and moved to be with him. Big deal...I married my DH who is 19 years older than me. I moved from the Chicago area to England! DH and I originally met on the internet. We are happily married and it's all worked out nicely, despite not meeting in a traditional way with a traditional age gap. If it works, it works.
Mommy dearest needs to get over herself and just be happy for her daughter.
So, it is the age gap that
So, it is the age gap that she does not approve of? That is too bad. You would think that she would want to meet him to see what kind of a guy her daughter is with, regardless of his age.
I wouldn't be thrilled for my
I wouldn't be thrilled for my daughter if she was in this kind of relationship either. I'd be the kind of mom that knew my young beautiful child free successful daughter could do better. I'd also be tentative about the 3 step grandkids, it's quite the expectation to think your mother should get excited about the recital of a child she's never met.
She may think (secretly hope) this is a temporary situation for you and doesn't want to get involved or attached. If she's anything like most of us moms she wants to see you with your own man and own child(ren), not someone else's. Your fiance and his children are not her family and she'll probably never see them as such. I'd respect her boundaries and not push for a relationship. Maybe she'll come around, but I wouldn't count on it, and please don't punish her for her indifference to your partner and his children.
Really? You sound like the
Really? You sound like the crazy BM's we usually deal with. She is not with someone else's man, he is divorced. Her mom will never see him as family? He is someone else's man? What next, she's second partner so second best so doesn't deserve her mother's support and basic decency at minimum?
Unreal.
I would say she meant the
I would say she meant the children as being someone else's.
Is this how she typically
Is this how she typically treats you when you do something that she doesn’t like or agree with?
There is a difference between a mother wanting what’s best for her child, being concerned that the child isn’t making good choices and a mother who punishes you for not listening to her or behaving the way she wants you too.
She sounds very much like BM or Cooookies mom, as she posted above. If My skids don’t listen to BM she rages at them, gives the silent treatment, lays on the guilt, whatever she thinks it will take to bring them back in line and do as she wants.