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Cosleeping and PAS

Lady.Tremaine's picture

So the girls were over tonight. We all went grocery shopping. They ate their favorite foods. We got them fruit and ice cream which they ate happily.

Went on a walk to look for frogs. Found a few. Everything downstairs is set for them. Child Catcher texts if she can say goodnight

This is always a loaded question for us. The youngest has crazy PAS at this point . But at the same time we thought it was fair.

Well youngest of course wants to go home. Fine. We are honestly so used to it. 

The shocker was oldest. Her reason is she hates sleeping downstairs and wants to sleep with us. 

This me thinks is child catcher feeding her answers. She has slept alone downstairs with little issue for over a year. We have set healhy boundaries for her so she'll become an independent person.

Child Catcher still cosleeps with them both. Mind you when DH left back in Chicago they both slept in their own room without issue. Her allowing this is causing problems . Plus I do think she uses them as a crutch and they cosleep because she's never tried to parent

I have an odd feeling they'll be slightly messed up and we'll have to clean it up in the future

For now this works as we are going to see weird Al tomorrow and they'll be no drop off drama. But when we get a house SD6 said she'd want her own room. Lol no. You'll share that with SD4. It's healthy sleeping habits here as we don't need to depend on you for emotional support

Poor kids really. They'll end up dumb as a bag of rocks and codependent in every relationship

Punchline- BM has a self published self help book on parenting and being concious . I love pulling it out to laugh ..

 

 

Comments

Lady.Tremaine's picture

Oh trust me it's tiny and no one reads it. I bought a copy for laughs and court fuel if need be

thinkthrice's picture

Helicoptering 101?

MommyT's picture

A lot of families co sleep. I am personally uncomfortable with it but I know many people who are not. BM still has ss12 sleep on a couch in her room while her hubby and son sleep with her in the bed. Not my cup of tea but we can’t control them and you can’t let BM control your home environment. We limit contact with the other house to one phone call a week and that is reciprocated. However in our case, ss feels sad whenever he talks to the other parent and would rather just leave it alone. To each their own.

Lndsy747's picture

I have an odd feeling they'll be slightly messed up and we'll have to clean it up in the future

I'm not trying to be mean just honest but I doubt you'll have to worry about fixing them. Sadly I'd bet money that they'll go no contact as preteens if this continues. I think cosleeping goes along with the enmeshment that is common with PAS.

SD still sleeps with mom at 17 years old. She never mentioned she had any issues with not sleeping with us and I met her a week after she turned 6. BM told us a few years ago when SD went no contact that part of it was because she didn't feel comfortable staying with because us she wasn't allowed in our bedroom. I'm sure that this was one of the many ways BM convinced SD that her daddy didn't care.

Lady.Tremaine's picture

Lovely BMs. But with things in the forum it goes either no contact or "daddy please give me money'

If it's the latter I'll be damned. But hopefully things will be better by then

Cooooookies's picture

The BM2 I deal with is certified psycho YET she is a highly qualified psych nurse with a Masters degree.  The irony...

Lady.Tremaine's picture

That is my favorite

" I want to help people but I'm a train wreck"

Lndsy747's picture

BM here has a master's in clinical counseling and worked as a family therapist for a while before switching her focus to substance abuse. 

Not sure how she could possibly help anyone with family issues since she doesn't get along with any of hers and has kept her daughter from having relationships with both sides of her family. I feel bad for her clients.

DHsfamilyfromhell's picture

Many years ago i used to wake up to find my three year old son had crept in and placed himself at the foot of the bed. I would return him to his own bed whilst he slept. There’s nothing wrong with co sleeping when they are little. But they do need to learn not to be clingy. Personally I wouldn’t co sleep with a girl older than six - by the time they are eight or nine they can start developing features... and I would find it a bit disturbing if my daughter was co sleeping in a bed at that age with two parents in it. I found a good way round co sleeping (at the time I was a single parent). When they were about primary school age I would pop cartoons on in my bedroom for thirty mins and they would be at the end of the bed and chuckle away together. Then quick story and bed. I wouldn’t say it’s better than co sleeping, just an alternative. It doesn’t have to be tv either it could be reading or the radio something. 

tog redux's picture

I will say that my nieces, who didn't co-sleep, had a hard time sleeping on a different floor from their parents when they were young.  Your SD might really have developed some anxiety about that, it can happen even if she's been sleeping on another floor for a year.

If there is a way for her to sleep on the same floor without co-sleeping, you might want to do it.  My sister and her husband moved guest room upstairs so the kids could move downstairs.

momjeans's picture

I am pro cosleeping, but NOT WITH OTHER PEOPLE’S CHILDREN. 

BM used skid as an emotional tool, in the beginning, because she still coslept with skid at home (unless BM had a “friend” over for the night), and wanted DH to do the same. I’ll NEVER forget the time BM called DH enraged that we wouldn’t allow skid in our bed, and put an emotionally hysterical young skid on the phone to tell daddy that she wanted to sleep with him. 

Maria10's picture

Even between siblings.

I used to cosleep with my mom but always wanted to sleep on my own. Always felt like it ws more for her than for me.

My two ss used to cosleep. Ss12 asks to cosleep with ss7 every once in awhile. It is very weird. The little one likes having his own bed but still sleeps with a stuffed animal.  Both the moms coslept. BM2 still babytalks to ss12.

Ss12 was given his own room bc puberty hit. He is happily sleeping in his room.