Am I a mask monster?
About 2 weeks ago I bought masks off Etsy. More so in case they become mandatory but I've been wearing mine to pick up things at the corner shop etc
I bought me and DH two and one for each of the stepkids. I bought them strictly for our household.
BM has been pretty reckless. This is of course outside looking in but their AC broke so they stayed at a hotel for a few days. Completely understood.
The kids ended up "making friends " at the pool. Normally blood would boil but I'm starting to let go. I have no control . DH won't say sh-- so I'll stay out of the drama.
BM also has a history of losing things at her house. I had lent them a phone without an SD card for mobile games. It was lost for 2 weeks at her place. When it came back I cleared it of my Google info for DH to replace with his. Jokes on him as one of the SDs spent 40 bucks on a Sonic game on accident. I digress
So the kids came over Thursday and I have them try on the masks to make sure they fit. SD4 REALLY wants to take it home. I felt like an ass but I had to say no and DH backed me. These are for here if you ever need to go with us for any reason.
I feel awful. I want them to be safe but I feel it's their mom's responsibility on her time and she hasn't really been all that responsible. Plus the masks will be lost or BM just won't use them.
Am I in the wrong on this?
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What would it cost to buy
What would it cost to buy another couple of masks for the kids? I imagine it can't be much. I would just let her take it and buy some more for your house. If she needs it and wears it at her mothers then potentially she is keeping herself safe and by proxy your household safe. If she looses it you are out a few dollars and in the same position as you are if she doesn't take it.
In normal circumstances you aren't wrong, but I think here I would make an exception to usual step "rules".
A lot actually. These were 9
A lot actually. These were 9 a pop.
Cheaper than medical bills
Cheaper than medical bills and time off work if anyone in your household gets sick.
TBH though, I am dubious as to the effectiveness or utility of a non-medical grade mask for a 4 year old. They are supposed to stop others catching the virus from the wearer of the mask, but a 4 year old is unlikely to follow instructions and not touch the mask or their face. At the grocery store the other day I saw most adults who were wearing masks had their noses exposed or had it tucked under their chin - if adults can't do it properly I doubt the average 4 year old can. Best bet is to avoid taking kids to places where they will be near anyone who they don't live with if at all possible.
If I were in your position I would just send the child with the mask because it seems like the easiest path to me, though $9 is not a strain on my household budget. But equallly I don't think you are a monster if you don't let her take it. The kid shouldn't need one and if she does, she does not need a specially sewn one from etsy, her mother can wrap a scarf or bandana around the child's face - it will probably be just as effective.
These times are confusing and contradictory! Talk to your husband, do whatever you both think is best.
I think it's less price point
I think it's less price point and more principle
BM has made bad choices. DH lucked out marrying me because I care. Often too much as my health has deteriorated . If I was their mom this would be the first thing to do. But I'm not so ...yea..
No - BM can buy her own if
No - BM can buy her own if she wants her to have one.
That's where my guilt comes
That's where my guilt comes in. BM has not been responsible or respectful to guidelines.
Will she use them ? Who god damn knows. I want the steps to be ok but at the same time I think their mom should be making these sort of moves.
It's a lose lose battle in my mind
You can't count on a 4-year
You can't count on a 4-year-old to keep herself safe if BM won't. She probably wouldn't even wear it at BM's. And honestly, masks have limited usefulness if people don't use them right.
I wouldn't let the masks go
I wouldn't let the masks go to BM's house. Who knows if she'd even know how to use them properly, or wash/disinfect them after use? If not used properly it could cause more problems than it's worth. Keep them at your house and let BM get some if she feels the need.
Currently sticking with this
Currently sticking with this until sh-- hits the fan.
SD4 REALLY wants to take it
Of course she did, she's 4. Four year olds want to take anything new with them. But, that does not mean she should get to take it.
I think the lack of
I think the lack of understanding makes it even worse. We had to have the tp talk ( no more than three if you pee) with oldest. Of course that went nowhere as I'll come to the bathroom with half the roll on the floor.
Its awful to have to tell kids these things. But if things get worse it's going to be a necessity.
Why is it awful to tell a 4
Why is it awful to tell a 4-year old she can't do something? If you can't say no to a 4 year old then what you'll do when they are 16 and demand who knows what. I am a very liberal parent but i dont understand why these little girls are calling the shots.
i don't know why 4 year old needs a mask and how effective it is. Why are they out and about? Where do they go so they need to wear a mask? they shouldn't be in public places where adults would need to go like grocery store and essential employees going to work. Where do these kids go?
If you have kids think of
If you have kids think of having to explain depression era tactics to them.
Are kids these days entitled to hell and back? Yes.
As a parent folks want to shleid them from the truly bad. Trust me I hate that parents these days won't let a ten year old see Jurassic Park. But explaining this situation is not easy. If it reaches to awful levels I have no plans on sugar coating
But yes explaining a pandemic to a grade school kid is not easy.
I’d not give parenting advice if I knew nothing about kids
Yes I have a kid and I work whth kids. Otherwise I'd not be speaking on the matter.
No it's not easy to explain things but I am not sure why you want to explain Depression era to a 4-year old. Going by what you share in your posts these kids make most decisions in the household. They just need to not make every decision
Yes most certainly kids need to be given decision making powers. But it has to be within reason. DH and BM seem to give all decision powers to the young children. It's like they wash their hands off parental guidance.
4- year olds don't decide about taking masks places.
Some behaviors are common sense and have nothing to do with pandemics.
Why are they using half a roll of tp? I never had that issue. No you don't need to explain details of covid19, they just need to know that they shouldn't be using half a roll of tp. They shouldn't be using that much paper under normal circumstances, nothing to do with covid. Why is tp on a floor? I raised DD and have two nephews and a niece. Tp wasn't ever on the floor. This is like basic. So they can't behave like this during pandemics but it's ok to act like this under normal circumstance? They seem to be raised free range by BM and DH. No one is doing any parenting.
I don't see how DH and BM can explain pandemics to them if they don't fully understand it themselves, constantly endangering their kids and everyone else. Now they want their kids to wear masks, possibly planning on taking them public places? They need to educate themselves on the matter instead of worrying how to explain pandemics to 4 year olds.
If she is only 4 she will
If she is only 4 she will likely forget all about it while you and DH agonize over whether it was the right thing. Kids have short attention spans.
Good point. She won't
Good point. She won't remember. It was the same when they were asked about food menu for Easter and the little one didn't know what was going and was thinking she was going fishing. Or they were told to plan to attend someone's wedding over a year ahead of time. They are too young for making plans. But they are too old for other stuff they do.
When I was raising DD, I was reading books on child development so I had an idea on milestones and developmental expectations as I was a very young mother, I needed to know what's scientifically reasonable to expect. I surely made ton of mistakes but I was making an effort to learn
Dad has to do some reading on child development and parenting.