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DESPERATE...but will it work?

kim1960's picture

Ok so court has ordered mediation on all of BM's violation of the JPA to try to "correct" her and on whether BF has to keep paying the chiropractor and couseling bills. We have spent $$$$ and basically will now be spending more to make her abide by the agreement. She will get the charges dropped by playing nice in front of the mediator and go back to the same old thing. So we have been discussing this plan. BM gets great joy in racking up extra bills for BF to pay in addition to the child support. Just last month besides paying the child support ($800 per month) he had to pay over $200 more for his half of the chiropractor (she takes him there to prevent ear infections) and insurance doesn't cover any of it and for co-pays and prescriptions because BM had to take ss-4 to Urgent Care for, YES, YOU GUESSED IT! TWO EAR INFECTIONS! I guess it has never dawned on her that not smoking around him might help. DUH..Anyway,BF's mother has a large amount of money that is to be split between ss-4 and my four other skids. Can BF notify the mediator that he will continue to pay these bills that BM-2 racks up but that they will be paid out of the money that ss-4 is to get? Basically every time she takes him to the chiropractor or decides he needs counseling with out notifying BF or is sick and doesn't tell us and we find out when she gleefully hands us the bill, every violation she makes of the agreement, the money comes out of ss's account. If she abides by the agreement, notifies us, consults with us etc. it comes out of our account. There are two things we hope to accomplish with this. One, to take away the pleasure she gets at running these bills up and sticking it to BF and two, to teach her that every time she witholds information it is going to cost her son money and hopefully she will stop. You know, kind of like what scientists do with a rat and a cube of cheese when training them. We can actually make up the difference in money by adjusting other accounts that the skids will get but BM doesn't have to know that. But I imagine that big smile will dim a little when we have to hand her a check and her son's name is on it along with BF's since he controls the account. There is nothing else to mediate therefore the mediation will not be needed. Every time BM screws up she knows it is not just costing BF money but ss also. Since the judge won't fine her for it (in my personal opinion that would have corrected her behavior) we will be in away. Can the mediator or judge do anything about this. After all they can't tell BF or his mom what to do with the money. In the divorce ss gets 1/4 of the life insurance policy and tht is it. Does anyone think this will work?


happy's picture

might.. Have BF talk to her about it. and see what happens. She cannot tell his mom what to do with her money. Hell Grandma could call and tell her that there is a new arrangement with SS and his counseling bills, and chiropratic bills, they will from now on be paid by me and my money that I am leaving to SS, so if its really a need that he go, I just want to tell you will deplete the account pretty fast. I cannot say that a judge or mediator could or couldn't do anything about this. Cuz I don't know, but you can certainly tell her and see what she does then?

" make sure you tell the people you love most EVERYDAY.. Its important not only for them to know but for you to tell.. Life is to short to be miserable..

Hanny's picture

papers that she has to get your BF's approval on all above and beyond CS expenses, i.e., braces, camp, doctors?


Anne 8102's picture

No one can tell her how to spend it or not spend it. It's not "owed" to SS or his mother. It's HERS to give or not give as she sees fit. However...

If Dad wants to pay for this extra stuff out of it, then I would recommend that Grandma give the money solely to Dad, and not to SS jointly with Dad. Otherwise, it will appear as though Dad is using SS's money to pay it and no judge is going to like that. Dad will be setting himself up for more heartburn later on down the road when he's forced to reimburse the kid's account.

If Grandma is willing, then have Dad pay BM out of Dad's own personal account and have Grandma reimburse Dad. That way, Dad is not taking money out of child's account to pay the bills. As satisfying as it would be to send her a check coming from son's account, please DON'T DO IT! Her lawyer will be able to argue that Dad is using son's money to pay the bills instead of his own money and that could be disastrous for you guys. The way a judge will look at it is that you're making the kid pay for his own medical bills and for having a mother who lacks judgment. Nothing wrong with the money coming from Grandma, as long as it doesn't appear to be son's money.

Your best bet, if in doubt, is to run it by your attorney first.

~ Anne ~

We are the masters of our own fate; the architects of our own destiny.

kim1960's picture

We had actually figured that out yesterday Anne but THANK YOU! We are just deesperate to find a way to solve this with out spending a ton more money and with having as less stress as possible. Any ideas would be greatly appreciated. We are ready to just give up!