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grateful first time user

k1783's picture

This is my first blog, hi. I am so grateful that i stumbled upon this site. Just from reading other people's blogs, I already feel like some weight is coming off of my shoulders. I definitely feel the need to vent some feelings and even though this is as anonymous as can be, I feel incredibly anxious and that i am doing something 'wrong' in writing a blog here and guilty that i even have these feelings. on the other hand, i feel that once i start venting that i am not going to be able to stop!
I am dealing - trying to deal as best i can - with my STBH's 12sd who is a "golden child" and the biggest button pusher that i have ever been around. I really feel so guilty talking about this, but it's probably for the best to take it out here rather than relay any of it to her or the relationships here. I dont even know where to start. I do want to say though that i do believe that she is a good kid deep down and we do have our really good days when we are both just normal to one another. I dont expect her to treat me as warmly as she does her father, but i do expect the same treatment that she would give any other adult. I get extremely frustrated by her behavior and the way that she is treated by the entire family here. I want her to have a great relationship w/her dad and family. I want her to always feel welcome here (this is her home too!) and remember good times here and i want her to be able to act like the kid that she is, but not at the expense of me going crazy and her being able to get or do anything she wants with absolutely no consequences. The situation that bothers me the most is the "switch". When we are around other people she uses her sweet little princess voice and talks like a four year old. She gets waited on by everyone and really is spoiled. She rarely gets in trouble even for hitting, name calling, etc. However, when it is just her and I, she switches. The baby voice is gone and a sassy teenage attitude is out in full force. She has sat right next to me, looked me in the face and has said some of the rudest things. At first I was scared to say anything back to her because honestly i was too shocked to say "that wasnt nice" etc. Plus i certainly didnt want to be the one to upset the princess. If at any time someone catches her saying something to me that is absolutely not ok, she switches to her baby voice and says that it was an accident (she has thrown things at me) or that she was 'just kdding'. Right. Now? I am sick of it. I dont feel as though I have done anything to warrant rude behavior. Now i feel like everything is a test and i am at my wits end. he dad is the classic guilty dad and views his daugther through rose-colored glasses. I try to see things from her perspective; she's just a child, this must be hard on her too, etc. But my feelings of frustration, irritation, and annoyance still come through a lot. Her BM and BD have been divorced almost ten years now. Any suggestions on any of this? Also, what are some of the best ways to approach this subject with a dad that gets very defensive when it comes to this subject? Thanks for any help!


luvdagirl's picture

I am a very happy tech person. I have fortunately not dealt with the my child is an angel syndrome but if you have brought it up to dad and he dismisses it as if your exagerating then use a cell phone to record these things she says to you or a camcorder if you can hide it somewhere-The proof is in the picture.Don't put up with it either SD is not four and does know she can't treat other adults in this way then she is choosing to be abrasive to you and if you don't cut it short now then it will only get worse.
Welcome by the way!

Empty Risks's picture

I see it in my own SD (14). The baby voice is almost always in full swing when we're all together...then it magically disappears when it's just she and I, or she and my sons. She hurts people and plays it off like, "My bad." Throws stuff, breaks stuff, acts rudely, etc. Her dad is very defensive of her as well.

In my opinion? She is testing you. And until her dad sees for himself (and apparently that is the hardest thing EVER) I don't know how much can be done.

Luvdagirl is right; record this kind of stuff. In time it could be what opens his eyes. A 12 year old is not a baby who is only just learning manners and respect, either. She knows very well what she's doing. I am very sorry you're having to go through this! Good luck and know that this is a great site for support. Maybe none of us can "fix" or "heal" anything....but we can listen. Smile

k1783's picture

thanks to both of you for responding. last night i started confronting her when she was rude with me. she just turned her head and ignored anything that i said :(. so very frustrating. "empty risks", i hope youre doing ok. i just got up to date with all of your blogs yesterday and your hands have been FULL. i think that you stuck in there and tried a lot longer than most would have. write and let us know you are ok.

Empty Risks's picture

I'm doing OK, thanks for asking! Man, you have so much going on and you worry over me? What a doll!

You also have a full plate, and I'll be keeping you in my thoughts. I hope things get better with your SD very, very soon. My hope is that hers is a phase instead of a lifestyle choice like my SD. Ugh!

Take care....