I would not involve step kids. I had my ss up at the alter with us, he was 8 at the time, and I said vows to him. It made everyone cry, and it was indeed special to my dh and I. However, this was very hard on my ss. I had no idea our wedding was going to put so much stress on an 8 year old kid, but it really did. During the photos of our wedding, he could not stop crying. It was extremely difficult for him to manage his own feelings watching his dad marry another woman, and for that I am sorry I put him through that stress.

Knowing what I know now, and how children feel about their parents, I would not have had my ss in the wedding, I would have had him there with family, but not in the wedding itself.

One thing you need to keep in mind about children, is that their parents are #1 in their eyes, and it's a difficult pill for a child to swallow watching dad marry another woman, and vice versa.

Do what you think is best for all involved. Good luck with your decision, and may you have a wonderful wedding!

Candice

We had all four of our kids standing around us at our wedding. I don't think any of them was impressed with the solemnity of the occasion. SS12 (then 6) kept tugging on his dad's sleeve, asking, "Can we run down to the beach now?" BS9 (then 4) kept going, "Mama, why are you crying?" The girls, they're the oldest and were 10 and 9 at the time, pretty much just stood there watching. I wouldn't change a thing. I'm glad we did it the way we did... very casual, with us in a gazebo on the beach, all the kids and a few close family members. It was small and short, but the minister did talk briefly about us all becoming a family that day, not just us becoming husband/wife. It was very appropriate for us.

~ Anne ~

"Love, having no geography, knows no boundaries."
(Truman Capote)

Our SD was 6 at our wedding and still living with BM so since we did try to keep her from finding out about the wedding(BM that is) we had SD in front row and helped lead a prayer and hold dads hat(zuit suits- 20s mobster look) I wish she could,ve had a bigger part but we were right to not let BM know since 3 days later when she found out she flipped. SD did go to salon with me and got hair done and nails painted she did feel very much a part of the day just not so much the planning.

There is no reaon where logic does not exist

I should say first that our wedding was very casual and low key. But we did include all three kids and our two closest friends.

It's funny this comes up now because my daughter just asked me last week about the dress she wore that day! She was 6 at the time and almost 9 now... she THINKS it will still fit! LOL

It is what it is...

How much do you want her involved? That's the question... everyone is different, everyone has a different relationship with their stepkids. I wanted mine, but we couldn't involve my SD unfortunately. I wanted her to be the flower girl, but at the time, her mother was aloft somewhere with her, and well... it was more trouble to 'force her hand' to just see her.

My SS was our ring bearer. When you look at our pictures, he's very proud. He really felt he had an important role. We did keep specific information from him so his mother didn't cause us any drama. So, by the time she got the information, it was too late.

StepMom

Man has the intelligence to change his life,
Sometimes, he just fails to use it...