Is it all worth it?
September 11,2012- Well here we go. I found a place where I can let it all out. Every evil sorted detail. This blog post is my first, therefore I will have to start from the begginning. There will be alot in this one...but others will be much shorter obviously. Are you ready?? You're not alone out there people!! Listen to this!:
I am 32 years old. I got married in 2009 to a nice man that I barely talked to and had nothing in common with. After a string of bad relationships...he was "safe". Our marriage lasted a year and I left him in 2010 with my tail between my legs having to admit that I made a huge mistake. My ex(Bob) and I work together. I met my current boyfriend (DH, 42 yrs)whom I also work with. DH had been married as well and was going through a divorce like me. Get this....his ex wife(BM) ALSO works with all of us. DH and BM have 2 beautiful little girls (SD6 and SD10) DH and I were both hurting and going through a hard time when we first met. He was still seeing BM and the girls for "family" days. Not to mention BM would guilt him into coming over and fixing things around the house and doing all the "blue" jobs he always did before!!
Now get this---back story...BM left DH for another WOMAN that we all work with. She humilated him and made him feel like a failure as man. She even BLAMED him for leaving him for a woman. It makes me sick to my stomach to even think about it. DH is the most caring, loving, amazing, affectionate, considerate, gorgeous, hard working, amazing father I have ever met. No kdding!!!
So when we got together...I knew it was going to be tough...some days I wonder when will it end still...but hey..that's why i'm blogging baby!! To let it out.
So BM found out that was DH was with me and moving on...well all Hell broke loose. BM emailed me, texted me " to go have my own kids."...then joked that "oh wait he cant cause I had him fixed!!!"(he had a vasectomy) things like that. DH was in a bad place. I knew I loved him but she was so manipulative. She would use the children against him because she knew that he would always cave. He loves those kids more than I have ever seen (side note....we get them 3 days a week. EVERY week and usually more cause she wants to go out and party) and he cries everytime he drops them off!!!!!
DESCRIPTION of evil BM: A 37 year old aging wrinkly tanned washed up party girl who dresses and acts like she`s 20. All her friends are in their 20`s and she would rather spend time with her many men and or women (thats right, bf`s and gf`s!!!!) then her kids.The kids are both in School full time and `princess`evil only works like one day a week. DH pays 1400 a month in child support and she has a brand new (mansion) that doesnt even rival our little house!!! Like WTF! She thinks the world owes her everything on a silver platter but does nothing to work towards anything.
So far we have endured thousands of text messages to him and a few to me. Thousands of emails....she sends him names of `songs`all the time she wants him to listen to and makes him CD`s. She will not accept that we are together and we are happy. She dates a diffrent man or woman every week and disgustingly introduces them to the kids every time. (kids tell us) it makes me so sick. I love those kids....she disgusts me.
THE KICKER:
BM went after my ex husband Bob. They were dating and hanging with the kids. The kids would come to our house and say things about Bob and his cute dog (MY OLD DOG) ....I cried. It was all so twisted. They wanted to get us back...it was sick. Bob finally left her when he realized she was certifiable and faked being pregnant!! I have cried so many hurt tears. I just never knew that such evil exsisted in a `functioning`human form. What is wrong with people. SHE LEFT HIM FOR GOD SAKES... but she still wants her cake and eat it too! She has men pay her bills, buy the kids clothes...sorry women too...it makes my head spin. DH is healthy now and we are in love and in a good place where we are talking marriage....and Im the one who cant let go of her evil. He ignores her texts and calls unless it has to do with the kids..my blood still boils when I see her name on his phone because of all shes done and continues to do with the kids....I need help to get healthy about it and truly just realize shes a psycho. Hopefully this blog will help!!! I know that DH and I being the stable world for the kids is all we can do....I love him. He`s my soul mate and best friend. He`s something that I never thought i would ever find. He just comes with some èvil`baggage!! (Not the kids...theyre an amazing bonus) HER!!!
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Comments
Its all good....we dont work
Its all good....we dont work in the exact same `sector``...and shes a lazy biatch who only works one day and parties away the rest with our child support money.
lol
I struggle with letting it
I struggle with letting it all go too. DH can tolerate her dumbass but I hear her name and my blood boils. It is actually not healthy at all but I dont know how to let it go. Maybe because it is never ending with her bullshit and drama!
Exactly...she was messaging
Exactly...she was messaging him this morning trying to start `conversation`` with him that had nothing to do with the kids. If they didnt have kids she would be told to go `you know what herself`however he cant do that....sigh. Its sooooooooo drama!!!!! I dont hate anyone...I hate her! Boo
Mine never stops so get
Mine never stops so get ready!
Neither does ours, some weeks
Neither does ours, some weeks it's ALL DAY EVERY DAY about the silliest of things.
OK OK people!! We need to get
OK OK people!! We need to get something straight. The kids are wonderful and love me very much and i`m with the man of my dreams. I`m in too deep to run away....I need coping skills. I figure its like this.....the `higher ups`said here Lynn; heres everything you ever wanted. A wonderful man and family, but you still get some time to yourself and independance.....it comes with a price though....BRUHAHAHAHAHAHA (evil laugh) ...you have to deal with Satan every other day and watch as she tries to screw up her kids for life. Its so not fair! Like life isnt tough enough without Mrs, Evil Banshee up my ass. If she wasnt the kids Mother I would lose my mind on her. I hate biting my tongue (it hurts! lol)
The best coping skills I can
The best coping skills I can offer you are the following, but I also want to be very honest with you - I understand you not wanting or being willing to leave, and that is understandable, you love him and he is worth it to you, nothing wrong with that. However:
1. I would first drop the "love them like my own", this is only going to be a kick in the teeth. What I mean is, A. You don't love them exactly the same as giving birth to you very own biological child and THAT'S OKAY! B. It muddies things with a territorial BM even worse. Instead, I would suggest saying "I care deeply for his kids and want to be warm and welcoming to them" when talking about it.
2. The kids are little right now, but they will choose Mommy over you in a heart beat and may be pushed to turn somewhat. Be prepared for this and don't feel slighted or unappreciated when this occurs. Might not, but with the BM you are describing, I would bet money on it. Doesn't mean that they aren't great kids, but they are kids.
3. Care for the kids, but do not try to step up and provide parental caregiving in your home. Steve is a great Dad, let him do his thing. You can help out on occasion when asked, but start out healthy and this will save you drama and problems in the long run, I promise. Do not try to be a fill in mommy in any way shape or form at all.
4. Look for counseling for your feelings about BM as well as blogging about it and receiving feedback on blogs (sometimes its affirmative and sometimes its not what you want to hear but may need to hear). I know, I know, I get my hackles up when someone suggests counseling to me, like I "have problems" or something, and this is in NO way any form of insult. I honestly think proactive counseling is so healthy if you want to be able to start out healthy in this relationship with Steve and make it work in the face of BMs Evilness.
5. The kids are BMs and Steves, you should not be putting in as a "third parent". He can handle these things. You cannot save them from their horrid mother, she is their mother and always will be. Accept and respect that and let go of that whole mess. How you would parent is not related to the kids no matter how much you care about them. If Steve ASKS for an opinion, then by all means give it, but staying out of parenting aspects is going to save you a lot of drama, the kids a lot of drama, a lot of resentment, anger, and all that for you, Steve, and BM. Why is this something you want to prevent for BM??? Oh because like a hornets nest, don't go poking the hive. Nothing worse than a new girlfriend/spouse spouting off how she's a better mother to kids she met a few months ago than the mom is to her own kids, no matter how stupid or thoughtless the BM is. Stay away from that.
6. Do not read any texts or emails sent by BM to Steve. He's a good man, you said, and he has dealt with her for years, trust him to be capable (rather than enabling him to turn codependent on you - this will just weaken him so to support him, you have to NOT participate). This leaves you to be the haven of love and happiness rather than him having to deal with BM THEN turn around and deal with you being mad about dealing with BM. BM is his baggage, let him vent if he needs to in private to you, and let it go.
This is my opinion on coping techniques from what I read in your OP, intended as something to provoke thought for you and hopefully help you in your endeavor to have a happy, healthy life as a wife in a loving, happy,healthy marriage and to have loving, caring relationship with stepkids that has healthy boundaries from the beginning that you won't end up making mistakes of millions of new stepmoms because you got to think about it and know before hand!
Best wishes and congratulations, I wish you only the best and look forward to hearing update blogs full of progress towards happiness and peaceful loving home!
Thank
Thank you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!