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OT- has anyone watched Dirty John: Betty Brodrick

justmakingthebest's picture

I dont want to spoil the show for everyone, I still have the final episode to watch! (So don't read this if you haven't watched or know the story)

I feel so torn! Was she crazy or was she driven there by a gaslighting husband?

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Stepdrama2020's picture

This show highlights that gaslighting IS crazymaking. OR at the very least CAN BE crazy making I think it depends on the victims support system and most importantly the fragility of the mind. . Often gaslighters ensure support system for the victim is limited or the victim is isolated. Abuse at its finest.

 

AgedOut's picture

I hesitate to post this but to me it was a mix of a woman prone to mental issues, a man who gaslit her and a situation that was very volitile because of a bad divorce. 

FinallySkidFree's picture

I am Team Betty after watching this show. I know it may have been some version of the truth but the jist of it was pretty accurate. She supported that man thru every degree that his little whims decided to pursue. Bore him his children. Helped him become the man he became and then, when he found a new tight little piece of a$$ he tossed her to the side. He drove her absolutely crazy and instead of just being FAIR and splitting the assets that THEY created together, he hid the money, blocked her from getting proper representation, used his relationships to completely screw her over. She was probably always a little bit nuts but what he did to her was slow & humiliating torture. She made many mistakes along the way, but he really gaslit the sheeze outta her. It was pretty infuriating to watch.

Daisymazy2's picture

I can remember finding out when my XH informed me he was leaving for another woman.  Like Betty and her XH,  we started at nothing and were finally making some money. I sacrificed a lot for him. My XH did some gaslighting too. He was lying about money. He wanted to divide the bills 50/50, sell the house (we had bought 2 years earlier), I didn't even have a job.  I have never been that angry in my life.

I actually went to a therapist.  At first, I didn't believe seeing a therapist was going to work.  I couldn't let go of the anger and it would consume me at times.  She finally told me.  You either love to hate your X or you love your children. Chose one because you can not do both.  When she told me that,  It felt like someone flipped a  switch inside my head. I was finally able to control the anger and the anger didn't control me anymore.   Believe me, I tried multiple times to just stop it. I didn't want to feel that way.  

I didn't do anything crazy.   I did call him a couple of times and yelled at him but after seeing the therapist I didn't seem to care anymore.  I was able to turn it around.  I would still get angry at times but it no longer consumed me. 

Durning those few months, I was so glad I did not own a gun.  I was so glad I realized I needed help and went to a therapist. 

I can only imagine someone having that type of anger,  gaslighting ex, and maybe a mixture of mental illness.  It is the perfect combination for the perfect storm.  

If I had watched that show prior to my divorce,  I would have said she was crazy and she snapped.  Now, I understand the anger that was consuming her. 

FinallySkidFree's picture

I agree that when she put the kids in the middle of everything I cringed. I too had a crappy divorce from my 2nd husband. He cheated. He hid money. He had his GF driving the car that I co-signed on. I wanted to gouge his eyes out. BUT...one thing I was able to do was remember how much I loved my son. I never put him in the middle of our mess. Today, exH and I have a great relationship. BS and his dad have a great relationship, I never made BS feel like he was choosing one or the other parent. We were his parents before we were spouses if that makes any sense. 

advice.only2's picture

After watching the show I read Betty's book and I read another book written by an author who tried to stay as neutral as possible. I really truly believe she had a psychotic break and just never fully recovered from it.

Ispofacto's picture

The thing is, she's the only one alive to tell the story, and I know other tellings of it, so the show is very slanted.  She was diagnosed HPD and NPD.  Dan was NPD.  They're both aholes.  Good riddance to all of them.  But Betty seemed to make the worst choices again and again.  She was very stubborn and all about the money and revenge.  She could have had custody of the kids, but she didn't want them.

Satan is HPD/NPD and she is a nightmare.

ETA:  I don't believe she came home and found her house infested with rats.  That seems like a lie.

 

justmakingthebest's picture

I think she made so many mistakes- the 2nd judge was CLEARLY in her favor if she would have just played the game. Instead the kids were used as financial tools and in the end she lost them. 

Now, what her husband did, in my opinion was evil and like someone else said a slow torture. But she could have come out on top if she would have just behaved. 

I also hate the GF/new wife. I really do. I know it is the husband who pursued her and he is the one at fault, but the GF just added flames to that fire every chance she got. 

FinallySkidFree's picture

"If she just behaved." I think that is what bugs me, it was as if she had no right to be angry. Her husband had her by the balls. But I agree, she should have played the long game and kept calm and collected and not tipped her hand. She would have been able to get what she felt she deserved. The constant psycho voicemails on his machine were stupid. The vandalizing his home was also beyond stupid. But the GF was TOTALLY getting off on joining in on the tormenting. I also think the not showing up for court really screwed her up. That may have gone down very differently. The scene that really got me was when she had Easter planned and then he took the kids and didn't give them to her. That was hard to watch,

NotYourAverageStepMama's picture

did not have 100% attention the entire time through the show. I think honestly it is a 50/50. Yes, Betty and Dan started with nothing, she supported him through everything, bore 4 children with him and helped make Dan/Dan's business what it was so I think she was entirely entitled to being supported after he left her and having half of his business, etc. The fact Dan was able to deduct money he sent her based on her calling, etc. was very very wrong, but Betty also should not have been leaving those voicemails, etc. on his phone. I think Dan made her feel powerless and she was unable to express her frustrations about the situation in a healthy or productive way which each time she tried to express it her way just made it worse and worse.

I may of missed something, but it seemed as soon as her friend's husband cheated Betty convinced herself that Dan was cheating the second Linda started working for him. I don't want to say she drove him into the arms of Linda because I don't believe necessarily that was true, but her allegations followed by burning his clothes, etc. did drive the marriage to end. Dan did not end it properly in any way shape or form, but I don't think Betty helped herself in this situation either. Betty very easily snowballs when she feels powerless and throws being rational out the window. 

Putting the children in the middle of it was definitely wrong, but I think they both did it, just again Betty to more of an extent than Dan. All in all I think Betty felt she had nothing when Dan did leave her and so therefore she had nothing to lose when her life started snowballing out of control and once she started down that path she could not pull herself out of the destructive behavior. 

I also agree that the new wife did not help the situation in any way. Betty's parents put it in her head from a young age that no matter what you do, do not shame the family or them and that played a huge part in Betty's downfall. Dan had shamed her and in her mind there was nothing worse than being shamed. Again, this is mostly from Betty's perspective, but that was my take.

CLove's picture

Riveting, because the characters are so good, and the acting is so good, and the story is so relevant even today.

1. The show was definitely slanted to portray Betty as the victimized and tossed out bitter ex wife. I know facts are facts. They married young, she both supported him through TWO degrees and gave birth to 4 children while doing so. Once the money started rolling in, her lifestyle got better and better. Both of them got wrapped up in the money, but Ive seen that happen - especially after havinglived in San Diego for 15 years. I actually lived and spent time in La Jolla, and remember the people there and the lifestyle is sort of accurately portrayed - "ladies who lunch", kids in private school, designer everything from head to toe because you can, indulging in the "midlife crisis sportscar".

2. As much as the TV show paints a portrait of Betty being driven crazy, emphasizing the gaslighting using the phychologist to "explain" it to us, I think she was bona fide mentally ill.

3. As much as the TV show describes in detail the facts of Bettys support of her husband in the early years, culminating in his leaving her for a "younger model, wife appliance 2.0" (they do look VERY much the same!)  how he hid money and taunted her and gaslit her about the affair and then 'fessed up to it with an evil smile on his face, all that, she is still culpable. She had a boyfriend at the time (obviously not mentioned in the fictionalised account). 

She was, plain and simple, lashing out in anger and mentally ill. She put her children in the middle of everything, and left them on the doorstep to the fathers house. In effect, through her impulsive angry lashing out, she "gave up" her kiddos. She apparently continued to reject legal help from her lawyers then played victim when they didnt want to work for free. "My husband wont give me the $$$$!" Well, repercussions to actions, Betty, you continued to call and leave voicemails. You continued to lash out and vandalise the property. He gave direct repercussions to actions.

When I get angry, if I go to Toxic Trolls car and put a hammer to it, I should and will have repercussions to those actions.

Just because a person is angry and justified in that anger doesnt give them full license to take a gun and and shoot that person causing them pain. So, she is mentally ill in my book, and I do not see her as a victim.