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Letter to SS's school

justmakingthebest's picture

Here is what I have drafted that DH and I talked about. Let me know what you think and if I should make any changes, additions, deletions or rephrase anything. You ladies know our story as well as we do at this point! LOL

As SS’s father I highly disagree with multiple items in this report and also have concerns about how his IEP was handled this year. First, I am concerned that even though I was on the phone for this conference, BM's H was allowed to sign his IEP as “Dad” and legal education decision maker. Neither of those are true and I would like the school to address and correct that immediately.


As for his 504 action plan, SS does not have Dysgraphia or Dyslexia. There has never been an evaluation for either and simply taking his mother’s word is not enough. SS also no longer has POTS. I am attaching the paperwork from his doctor showing that POTS is now “resolved”. He is also not taking salt pills.


Before I can allow my son to be continued to be labeled with a learning disability that I firmly believe he does not have, a formal assessment and diagnosis needs to be documented. Considering that there is currently an ongoing case within the city of ____ over BM forging health department documents for my son, I feel that this request is not too much to ask. If you would like to have the police report please let me know.


tog redux's picture

Honestly - as someone on the receiving end of angry parent complaints, can I suggest that you word it differently? You catch more flies with honey, as it goes. Even though I've been on the other side, now that I deal with this as a professional, I can see how my DH made himself look "angry" with his responses, and that led people to dismiss him. 

So I'd say - Hello, I am SS's father and was on the line for the conference. I do not agree with many items in this report and would like them corrected, please. For one, I have not heard of any evaluations being conducted that have established that SS has a learning disability - if they have been done, please provide the evaluation to me, as I have not received them. I have attached medical documentation that shows he no longer has POTS and is not taking salt pills, so please remove those from the document.

Also - I am SS's legal father, CrazyPants's husband is not, and he has no legal decision-making power, so please remove his name as "dad" and include mine instead. I've attached the court order establishing my legal rights for you to review. 

Thank you. 


I personally would leave out the forgery stuff. Tempting - but not relevant and might make DH look like he's stirring the pot. 


ETA: "Until I receive the evaluations showing SS has a learning disability, I am not in agreement with including that on his IEP."


justmakingthebest's picture

I see what you are saying. I will make some changes and send it to DH.

Thank you for your help with wording!!

CajunMom's picture

Tog's re-write is awesome. I'm in a group of ladies who did the same for each other. We'd type out what needed to be sent, have the group review and then move forward. The biggest thing is to take the emotion out and make it factual. Less words is ALWAYS better. 

futurestepmomnowstepgf's picture

it is not the school's fault on these items, but rather BM and her husband. It is crazy to me that things are taken solely by word of mouth without presenting any proof.

Hello, Gypsy Rose is a great example of how this is a problem!

justmakingthebest's picture

We are currently watching The Act on Netflix and while BM isn't that bad, we truly believe that if DH wasn't there calling her on her shit all the time, she would be.

I will never forget SS at 11 yrs old, crying at the top of a waterslide at the Atlantis Resort in the Bahamas because he thought if he went down and his heart raced he would die. It took almost the whole trip to show him he was ok to be a kid, he is fine!

futurestepmomnowstepgf's picture

In the Act, clearly the dad is not at all involved so the mom just does whatever she wants

Oh wow, that is terrible!

thiscantbenormal's picture

DeeDee kept moving Gypsy further away to make his access difficult.  She convinced the dad and stepmom that Gypsy's care was too medically complicated to be away from her house.  DeeDee was difficult and high conflict to keep him from being involved.  

1dad4kids's picture

Does the school know about the case for the forgery? If not, I would rephrase that to explain that she has a case. I would also request to have BM's H removed from the school contact form save for maybe the emergency contact list. 

Before I can allow my son to be continued to be labeled with a learning disability that I firmly believe he does not have

I would change this to say My son does not have this learning disability and we will be seeking a full psychological assessment prior to continuing with these plans. Until then, please continue to provide SS with the same style of education as his classmates. Or something like that. I've been following your stories but I don't know exactly what  the discrepancies are.

justmakingthebest's picture

We can't seek a full assessments. BM was  granted medical decision making and the judge refuses to hear any parts of our proof for fictitious disease disorder. 

1dad4kids's picture

Well that sucks. But he does have a say in his education right? So technically they can't just put him in a program if he hasn't been properly assessed

thinkthrice's picture

In a BM-centric area, they will just go ahead and take the BM's word for it hands down.  Ask me how I know.

Exjuliemccoy's picture

I would delete the word "highly" in the first paragraph. It's a bit hyperbolic. Change "First" to "Firstly", and use "Secondly" and "Lastly" in the following paragraphs for better coherence.

The last paragraph is a bit wordy and what your H is asking for is not clear. Does he want testing for SS? I do love that he informs the school officials about BM's current legal problems. That's delicious!

justmakingthebest's picture

Yes, so what we are trying to say is Dyslexia should not be in his 504 plan if he has never been assessed and if BM wants to push it, show the proof. Have it documented by a doctor. 

I really want to tell the school too.... It is a really small town so YOU KNOW it will get around!

notarelative's picture

Tog had great suggestions. If I were you, I'd follow them. They get the point across which is what you want.

As tempting as it is to say something about the forgery, I would not. If it's a small town, when it hits the court docket, it will be known by all. It's the type of case people notice.

thinkthrice's picture

Write it in an inquiry mode as though you are curious or inquisitive about the circumstances.   You must come off sounding very innocent as though you were wondering why XYZ was done so that a neutral third-party could read the letter and not assume DH was angry with the school district and the administrators ( although rightfully so)

Livingoutloud's picture

A bit of confusion here

If he has an IEP, there was a formal assessment. No IEP will be given if assessment wasn't completed. Wont qualify for IEP in absence of evaluation and assessment. If his disability listed as  "learning disability" on the IEP, that means formal evaluation was conducted. When was his initial IEP? Dad jusf isn't in the loop, it doesn't mean kid was labeled LD without testing. IEP doesn't work that way 

Does he have IEP or 504? Cannot have both 

If it's a regular annual iep, not initial certification one, anyone who was present can sign it. Aunt, grandma, older sibling 

Letter is very confusing to me. 

justmakingthebest's picture

He does have both.

The IEP is only about his speech issues, which there is nothing else the school can do and it is even stated that the speech teacher can't really do anymore. It is just the BM's husband signed in 2 places- Legal decision maker and listed himself as "Dad" on the attendance page.

His 504 is his medical stuff that BM has made up. So we are contesting all of the things in there because they aren't true. The school said that they "Just take the parents word and don't require documentation".