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Just Angry Today

justmakingthebest's picture

I really don't need advice or anything today... I am just angry.

I am angry that BM is getting away with her behavior.

I am angry that GAL isn't responding to DH.

I am angry that SS is being a little shit to not only us but to his grandma.

I am angry that I can't even bring myself to hit "Purchase" on a plane ticket when it was finally below $400 (vs. the $883 it had been) because I am afraid it is a loss.

I am angry that no matter what we do SS is lost.

I am angry that if we do nothing I will feel like a failure.

I am angry and heartbroken that my husband, who I love so deeply, is hurting so much.

I am just angry today. 

Comments

ProbablyAlreadyInsane's picture

Buying the ticket shows good faith in the court system... It may be a loss, but better the $400 than $883. I'd buy now before they skyrocket back up! I know it sucks! But then you can tell the GAL how ready you were for him to come out! That can't hurt your case, only help!

I'm sorry BM and SS are being such brats!!! And I'm sorry about your hubby's heartbreak.

Hang in there! I know you don't need advice! But let me know if I can do anything! You deserve some support right now too!

tog redux's picture

I struggle a lot with anger. You are in the middle of it, so it's to be expected.  The only thing that helps me is to detach and try very hard to realize that none of this is personal. BM here is disordered and doing what she thinks is right and can't see her own behavior. SS19 is caught up in her vortex of toxicity and also doing what he thinks he needs to do for himself.  It's awful and toxic and hard to endure, but it's not personal.

I've been dealing with it for years, though, and I still don't have a handle on the anger.

justmakingthebest's picture

Tog... I don't know how you have done it. I am just in the begining stages and knowing a little of your story makes my heart just hurt. So much pain inflicted for nothing.... For pure cruelty. 

tog redux's picture

Honestly? The part you are in is the worst part.  Seeing what is happening and being powerless to fight it, knowing the court system doesn't really see what's going on and there is nothing you can do about it.

The first year of total alienation was hard too.  But then ... peace came. We had two years of no contact with BM, nothing from SS. 4 years of no court.

And now is not as bad as before because SS speaks to DH but doesn't spend time at our house much. It's like "Alienation Lite".  He talks to DH but he's not around much.

justmakingthebest's picture

I guess once this is over... whatever "this" last fight that was postponed in court is... it will be over for us. We aren't going back after this, at least with a lawyer if she takes us back to court. We are just done. This was our last shot. 

CompletelyPuzzled's picture

It must be something in the air today.  I am also angry today.  Angry that we can't break BM's hold on SD12, even though she lives with us.  Angry that she is acting like an ungrateful brat.  Angry that my DH is destroyed by her behavior.  And most of all, angry that I am 4 weeks away from having a baby and cant even enjoy this experience because my DH's ex is always in our lives.

PAS sucks and so does stepparenting!

justmakingthebest's picture

I am sorry you are dealing with anger today too. I hate this feeling. I don't like to let things that I can't control eat at me, but I can't stop this one. I just affects my family so deeply that I want to fix it and I am powerless and being powerless makes me angry.

Harry's picture

Screw the kid,  If does not want to go on this cruise and you force him, He going to make it the cruise from he**. You will be fighting with DH the whole cruise because of SS. He wants with BM, to play there game. Makeing  you go crazy!!! . And you are playing along.   No that was it, no cruise, DH will get over it. Blame BM. If you never see SS again no big lost 

justmakingthebest's picture

That is where DH and I are stuggling. Yes, we can, as of right now force him. He is a minor child and we have a court order. If that court order is changed than that is what we will follow. As of right now, there is an order, by a judge, that states SS will spend his spring break with us. I am not a fan of negotiating with terrorists. He will do what is ordered or we will file contempt and BM will be told to pay us back for everything. So, in that case he is really f**** over his mommy since she will be the one responsible for this in the end. 

If he wants to be a douche on the ship we will leave him to it. I hope he spends the time in his room. If he makes the other boys (SS18 and BS13) miserable we will move him into our room and DD can share with her brothers. I am 5 ft tall but let me tell you, ALL the kids know not to cross me. I am constantly told by coworkers how intimidating I can be. I will show him a true evil stepmother if he wants to go down that path.

Or.... He can get on the ship, throw a smile on his face and we can all have a fantastic vacation! The choice is his!

Chmmy's picture

I am angry every day. I know I am responsible for my own happiness but like I told DH I don't even want to be happy right now. I could let all this roll of my shoulders but like you said it's unfair. Unfair that BM & her husband travel kid free while DH & I struggle every day to have uninterrupted time together. We have had sex twice in the last month. We are newlyweds! We never get 8 hrs uninterrupted sleep. Either a skid comes in the room or texts at 1130pm...where are my leggings? Mind you we set the alarm for 440am. Who cares SD16 needs her leggings. I want to be angry and I want to be miserable because when I try to be happy it all crashes down on us.

justmakingthebest's picture

Oh lord... I would not be giving up sex. If a kid walks in the room without knocking, guess they get a show and if they do knock, "Sorry! We are busy, come back in 30 mins!" 

Aniki-Moderator's picture

I'm sorry, hon. Even after disengaging, there are times I still feel angry about all of the BS. {{{hugs}}}

TrueNorth77's picture

I told my SO about your situation last week (in vague "someone on the SM website" terms), and how you text SS asking if he wanted the soda package. I said you have the patience of a saint because I would have said, listen you little shit, you're not getting any soda at all because you're being a little dick. He laughed and agreed, but also raised his eyebrows at the whole situation, because it's hard.

I get the anger, that was me yesterday. Sorry it's so hard.

justmakingthebest's picture

My husband thought it was pretty funny and then said- welp, guess he gets nothing! Hope he likes that water in Mexico! LOL

advice.only2's picture

It is very difficult when you are fighting against a broken system and a parent who is fully entrenched in PASing a child from their other parent.

Purchase the airfare, and when he doesn't go, sue BM for breach of contract of the cost of airfare, add it to the pile of never ending sh@t that will continue to grow until SS ages out.

justmakingthebest's picture

That is our plan, I think. It is just so hard to hit purchase under these circumstances. I mean, in reality if we took the cruise without him it really wouldn't have made a big difference. The 3rd person in the room was only $179. Sure that is currently listed under SS18's name but we would have had 2 rooms anyway. The flight is really the big ticket item-- plus excursions. So... I don't know what we are going to do. We might just have me do those with the other kids and DH and SS spend that time working on their relationship on the ship without us there.