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justmakingthebest's picture

A idea that came into my last thread about BM refusing to discuss the HPV vaccine, was that since SS13 is in our state visiting, we just get the shot. I am pretty sure it is a series, even for boys. He will be back this summer and then at Christmas so I am sure we can get it all done.

Have you ever gone against BM for something like this? I know sex is a sensitive subject when it comes to kids. The vaccine is marketed to cancer, but lets be real this is an STD that in some cases leads to cancer. I have my personal opinions about this particualr shot, and am not planning on my bios getting it, just due to the side effects. I am personally not feeling like this is something that SS desperately has to have. BUT if SO wanted to or felt like SS should have, he should be within his rights to do so with joint legal and medical custody. Now, let me say, her reason that she stated to SO for SS13 not getting it, is because she believes he has Elhors Danlos- which he 100% does not. We are going to verify everything at the pediatrician in our state. So if we did this, it would be told to BM along the lines of " I verified with Dr.___ at ABC Peds clinic that SS13 does not have Elhors Danlos and since that was your reason for not having SS vaccinated, I made sure that he was protected from various types of cancer by having this vaccine".

Even if you experience was a flu shot, or chicken pox or whatever- but made a medical move against BM's wishes, please let me know how that went



ESMOD's picture

What I can see as an issue these days is if a anti-vaxxer is with someone that believes that the conventional wisdom of vaccination being vital to a healthy population there may be some very big problems.

It's funny, my BIL's wife has a son who married one of the anti-vaxine proponents.  She says she was a "victim" of a vaccine and won't let her children be vaccinated... even though she brings those kids to functions with other children who may not have been old enough to get vaccines in their own right.. thereby creating a risky situation for other people's children.  The grand irony is that both her children clearly have some level of autism or developmental delay... perhaps too many essential oils milady?  They never got the vaccine but are clearly vaccines were not the cause.  She herself is not apparently injured in any way unless you count wanting to rely on natural oils to replace conventional

Look, I've looked at a lot of research and studies.. vaccines are for the most part safe, effective and needed.  They reduce the incident of some pretty bad hombre diseases.  It just seems like the ones who subscribe to the no-vaccine movement are the ones who are least equipped to be making those kinds of decisions.. ie not the brightest bulbs in the box.  It would be just fabulous if waving some scented oils would magically cure cancer or whatnot... but that just isn't all that realistic of an expectation.


beebeel's picture

Yes, let's be real. This is a vaccine that has the potential to eradicate the only known cause for cervical cancer. I just can't wrap my brain around why anyone thinks that's a bad thing.

justmakingthebest's picture

I get you are both saying that you are proponents of the vaccine, but what are potential repercussions going against BM?

beebeel's picture

If it were my child, I would vaccinate him. At worst, it's a possible contempt charge. I really don't see any harsh punishments being handed down from the courts because a father vacinnated his child. I have read about some anti-vaxxers losing their arguments in divorce/family court.

bananaseedo's picture

I've heard said on this forum-when coming to a disagreement where both people are passionate- the NO is the overriding answer.  Especially w/something medical like this.  There is no mandatory reason they SHOULD get it-you said you aren't doing it for your kids yourself so why on earth would you go against someone uncomfortable with a NON CORE vaccine?  Would you like it if someone did that to your girls after you decided against it?

Wrong move IMO.

justmakingthebest's picture

For my kids, we talked to their dad and step mom about and we decided together that we didn't think it was the best choice at this time. But the key is we talked about it together. Co-parented. 

BM refuses to even give us the name of SS's doctor. She only makes unilaterial decisions. If SO feels strongly about it, which I feel he does, then as his partner, I support him. He knows why I am not chosing it for my 2, and respects the choice that I made with their father. As SS13's father, he should have a say, especially with something that is common and in some states and school districts even mandatory. 

bananaseedo's picture

Ok, but some people can't co-parent and parallel parent.  I still don't think it's right to go against someone who is very uncomfortable with it.  This isn't a core vaccine-it's elective (for now)- IMO the 'NO" should override in this case.

ETexasMom's picture

I'm confused. For your own bio kids you and your ex decided to not give your children this vaccine but you want to give it to your stepson going against his mother's wishes? 

Twix's picture

What is the custody agreement concerning medical decisions?

From what I've read such a decision isn't a major medical choice... it's routine procedure. 

We started a couple years ago getting the skids flu shots. First year DH asked BM, she said she would get back to him and never did. So after a month he went ahead and did it (after his lawyer gave him the green light). She lost her sh*t and said she would be contacting her lawyer - nothing happened.

Next year, he just did it. She again lost her sh*t, but nothing happened.

Which brings us to this year. She apparently phoned every pharmacy and doctors saying the skids weren't approved for the flu shot (this is what BM told us). She withheld the children and made a million threats. She convinced the skids that the shots were super harmful to them and terrified them of it. In the end we didn't do it, mainly because it turned out the shot wasn't very effective anyway this year. And now we've all been so freaking sick this year ugh. 

Not sure what the plan is for next year. We could take legal steps I'm sure (if we want to spend our time and money). I imagine most judges would be on the side of vaccines - it is after all something our government recommendeds/requires.

justmakingthebest's picture

I can see her violating court orders and not sending SS back to us and flipping her shit. I can also see her telling SS that we are trying to kill or cripple him. She is batshit crazy when she isn't in control. That is what makes me nervous. I think a judge would side with us over a CDC recommended vaccine. I think it would be silly if he didn't. 

Twix's picture

Yeah your DH will have to decide how badly he wants this. 

But from what I've read if these things go to court it's typically the parent for vaccination that wins. A couple months ago I saw one where a court ordered a mother to vaccinate, she still didn't and they put her in jail. 

WalkOnBy's picture

that was in my town!  I followed the crap out of that case and another one with the same judge   

Twix's picture

We live not too far away then, although different countries hah

I only heard about it after MIL commented on a video clip BM had shared about it. Of course BMs perspective was that this was the worst thing ever done to a mother, oh so horrible, how could they, these are HER kids!

bananaseedo's picture

). I imagine most judges would be on the side of vaccines - it is after all something our government recommendeds/requires

So sad when parents can no longer make decisions for their own kids health though isn't it. 

Twix's picture

Not really because we are discussing situations where one parent wants a child vaccinated while the other parent does not. 

Steppedonnomore's picture

I'd talk to an attorney if I were deadset on doing this.  I would think it would depend on the wording of the custody order and the laws of your state as to how much legal backlash could result. 

Goodluck's picture

All of my bio's have been vacinated for everything with the exception of the HPV. 

As for black lash you may recieve is two fold.

I have learned that the majority of people act first and explain their reasons at a later time. If the court brings UP this topic and enough time has gone by,  your lawyer can  say the vacination is old news and try to change the subject. OR just say YOU did it becaue you thought that is what mom wanted. (personally I would never say such lies but I know of those who do)

I have also seen if a bio mom gets immunizations and dad doesnt want it, dad is a dead beat and mom, a  single mom HERO putting her kids first.  IF dad gets immunizations against moms wishes, HE is not co-parenting, a control freak who is grossly manipultive abusive  and unresonable. 

Gosh this is a difficult spot. A high conflict mom would just do it and never tell dad. True story.

The court may have to decide on this one.







Ispofacto's picture

The courts here don't have time for stoopid sh!t like this.  They are too busy dealing with real issues like physical and sexual abuse.  Our BM has tried to pull petty stuff, it took forever for it to go to court and when it did the judge has told her to get lost.

Tomatoe's picture

Guardasil is a big no no in my home. I know others may be for it but when other countries say no to it, there is a problem. I think dad has as much rights on deciding for his child as mom. He is a parent to.

justmakingthebest's picture

Thank you for all the responses! Sorry, I got crazy busy at work and then with SS here visiting we are just going non-stop. I saw a comment stating that if I didn't want it for my kids why would I want it for SS? -- That answer is simple. Not my kid. His dad knows how I feel and my choice for my kids. He respects that. But if he feels strongly about it for his kid, I also need to respect his choice. This isn't an experimental treatment that has no history or anything crazy. It is a routine vaccination that is cleared and recommended by the CDC. 

I would hope this would be shot down very quickly in court and like many others stated when it comes to vaccines, everything I have ever heard shows courts siding on the side of  modern medicine vs. a giant ass cross around his neck to keep girls away. LOL 

I don't know what his dad is going to do, the appointment is Thursday- we will see!