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I have to brag for a second!

justmakingthebest's picture

With all the turmoil that SS14 brings in our lives - through very little fault of his own, it was so nice to have the flip side of solid and supportive co-parenting last night!

I told my ExH and his wife about my upcoming surgery late last week. I just wanted them to be in the know since our kids are with them (3,000 miles away) for the summer. Just in case I wound up in the hospital longer or during the first week or so, being able to reassure the kids that I am ok if I look out of it on facetime...and maybe don't call mom 27 times a day the first couple of days just because I am not at work   lol. 

Well, today in the mail was a package containing a super soft night gown and a card about being "One tough cookie". Little encouraging notes from my kids and their SM. Talk about making me bawl! She even threw in a little gift card to Domino's saying that she was sorry she couldn't send a dinner over so she hopes this helps with DH's "cooking".

Y'all... This is how it supposed to be. I don't have to worry about my kids while I deal with healing. There is 0 drama. I feel supported and loved by my co-parents. We always look out for each other, and support and are flexible and communicate. We don't always agree but we always show respect. 

I just wanted to let someone out there know that it isn't impossible and me and my exH weren't always this great. When we first split it was really nasty for like 2 years! However, one day we both said look, this is ridiculous. We both want what's best for our kids, right? We both want to be involved and active parents, right? So let figure it out. And we did.

(Disclaimer: You can't work with people with true personality disorders! I have tried so hard with BM2 it isn't even funny!)


Chmmy's picture

Nice to hear. My kids still keep in touch woth their step mom via facebook 5 yrs after their dad's passing. We never had any drama and at his funeral her & I & my 2 boys sat snuggled on a love seat together holding each other & crying.

BM on the other hand. She wouldnt be allowed at my husband's funeral if my mother in law had any say.

tog redux's picture

Normal people settle down after a divorce.  Personality disordered people never do - and I mean, never. 

futurobrillante99's picture

Amen. I hope my XH1 finds a nice lady and if she's nice to my kids, I'll give her a warm welcome. Smile

Letti.R's picture

Cuts both ways: your kids  would have to,  at a minimum,  be nice too. 

But with your kids, that shouldn't be a problem because they're generally independent and don't have mommy/daddy/dysfunction issues.
Probably because they were raised right...

futurobrillante99's picture

Thanks, Letti.R. DS23 can be challenging at times, but the older two are great. The last time XH1 had a serious girlfriend, DD25 wasn't very nice but I read her the riot act saying her dad deserved to have a partner, and did DD25 want to wipe his butt when he was elderly. If not, then BE NICE. LOL

She played nice.

justmakingthebest's picture

My kids were always taught from both parents to be respectful and kind. They didn't always like their SM, she was different. More "granola" than me, but they all found their swing and now they absolutely love her! 

Letti.R's picture

So happy for you that things are working well with ex and his wife.
Normal, mature people can behave as adults and care for the kids and each other - and still mind their own business in respectful ways.

You are correct - as is tog - that drama comes from personality disordered, crazy, attention seeking people who use the kids as weapons.
They extend their own unresolved issues, anger and hate through the kids.

Healthy people are able to co-operate and co-parents.
You can't do this if only one set/side is functional and the other is half-nuts.

Hope your surgery is successful and you make a full and speedy recovery!

Cbarton12's picture

That is awesome! Stories like this give hope.

I'm glad you guys are able to maintain a great relationship like this. 

thinkthrice's picture

if you are dealing with mature people who don't hate their ex spouses more than they love their children and don't desire to use their children as their "confidants" and as weapons against their ex spouse and his/her new partner, then you're in like Flynn.

step to grown children's picture

So glad to hear you have a great support system. 

Do you all think it could be because some people just never move on? They may deny it feelings but those feelings are still there whether hate  revenge, want pay back for being hurt whatever

My ex makes me a little upset sometimes but we dont go at each others throat, I may send a stern text or email but nothing verbally abusive.

My DHs ex, finally stopped texting after all children are now over 18 but she has found novel ways to disrupt our lives via the skids.

I think she is still filling their head w lies