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Dreaded Mother's Day

justmakingthebest's picture

I have always hated Mother's day. My exH made me feel like garbage every year and a burden for wanting to go out for a simple brunch. 

As my kids got older and I was a single mom, I always made a big deal for my mom/ made it all about grandma but no one ever made one for me. Now that my kids are teens they don't give a flying hoot. They just want to know how long the family obligation time is so they can go off with friends.

No one in my family made reservations in advance, I am guilty of that too- I was focused on our vacation and not on Mother's day. So now it looks like I get the joy of hosting. Again. Yay. 

DH will be underway and not home so I don't even have him to be my buffer in the whole thing. Can I just stay in bed and ignore everyone? Maybe just get up and spend the day on the beach with plenty of alcohol? That sounds like a fan-freaking-tastic mother's day! 

Edit to add: DH has been sweet the years he has been home for Mother's day but in the last 8 years I think that has been maybe 2 of them! He at least made sure we went somewhere and I didn't have to cook or entertain. 


ESMOD's picture

Honestly?  do what YOU want.  It's YOUR day right?  Why force moody teens to particpate in this.. going out is always a pain.. because of the crowds.. and really does it make it feel special when you are basically having to host your own party with guests who act like hostages? lol!

My SD's have usually not done much for me.. a text or call. maybe.. my YSD has come up with gifts a few times.. but the reality is they have a bio mother.. and it's really not my "day".. and my own mother passed away.. ON mother's day (always kind of figure that was her sense of humor coming out.. haha).  My DH is semi-estranged from his mom right now due to some shady dealings she pulled on him with some property that she sold that was supposed to have been his inheritance from a grandmother.. and a few other issues. So.. I am on the fence at what to do really myself.. I have no bios.. and my DH really isn't into his mom right now.. and my mom isn't around.. so... 

I vote beach.

CastleJJ's picture

I say "do whatever you want," it is your day too. If you want to lay in bed all day and binge watch TV, do it. If you want to go to the beach and day drink, do it. I don't really have anything I want to do for Mother's Day, outside of going to the local farmer's market. We are planning to meet my MIL for lunch. 

SS11 has only acknowledged me once for Mother's Day. It was the year before BM met GF and she was trying to buddy up to me. She helped SS pick out a StepMom card. It was really sweet. Since that point, BM has made it clear to SS that I am no mother figure to him and frankly, I'm okay with that. Hell, BM is barely a mother to him. This year will mark 2 years in a row that BM has been without SS on Mother's Day. She is shipping him off with GF so SS can spend time with his "Other Mother" for the weekend and BM can get a break. 

DH kind of flopped for Mother's Day last year. It was my first Mother's Day with DD15mos but his scatterbrain had everything all over the place. It was poorly planned and didn't come together. This year, he is much more prepared. 

la_dulce_vida's picture

In your situation, I would do something nice for my mom and then do something nice for me - and everyone else can pound sand.

My XH1 was so terrible at special days I just finally started asking to be left alone - for him to take the kids up to see his mom and leave me in the house by myself. It was wonderful.

Nobody can spoil me like I can spoil me!

Happy Mother's Day!

This year I won't even see my kids. I live with my BF 2.5 hours from my sons and 2 days from my daughter. I don't expect anything more than a text message or a card - maybe.

But, my kids are great kids and they show me they love me all year long, but they aren't butthead teens any longer. They are 32, 29, and 27.

CLove's picture

SD16 poer sulk made me choc chip pancakes.

I have never ever been celebrated. its a day to relax.

Thumper's picture

Ughhh, Hallmark Holidays can be the worst.  I am not a fan. 

When the kids were little little, it was cute seeing their HUGE smiles bringing little kid presents. I still have a few they gave me. 

But now, Mothers Day hits different since my Mother passed away in 2016---

Wish there was a swanky Mothers Day Brunch you could find. That always makes things better. Smile

What ever you decide to do,,,enjoy !!


advice.only2's picture

I prefer not to partake in a Hallmark holiday that has been over emphasized for years, especially since my mother puts so much stock in this day and tears everything down that I do.  My kids ask me "what do you want?"  My response is always "nothing, let's pretend I'm special everyday." 

PetSpoiler's picture

I don't know what to expect this Mothers Day.  Last year my husband took me and MIL out, along with our bios.  That was the day before Mothers Day.  We knew that SS and DH's oldest nephew had plans with her on the actual day, and we didn't want to deal with a crowded restaurant, so it all worked out.  I took my kids to visit my mother on the actual day.  I don't care if I get taken out for the day or I just get a card and flowers or a chocolate chip cookie cake.  

1st3rd5thWEInHell's picture

Well its Mothers Day so I consider it to be for mothers/grandmothers. Its the childrens job to do something for you and not your job to worry about what to do on that day. I would just treat it like any other day and see if I get invited/gifted anything with low expectations....

The fact that your children cant even use that day to thank you for your hard work and efforts raising them especially as a single parent says a lot

Even my steps who are quite horrible and selfish do things for BM1 and BM2 (but that could also be because the BMs are huge narcs who require the world to revolve around them and their children to worship them like a deity) so that says a lot about your childrens character if they cant take the initiative to be thoughtful...

The steps never do anything for fathers day tho because the BMs would be angry at them and also because they do not care about their "horrible deadbeat dad who abandoned them" (yet fought in court for custody and visitation many times and they are here 3 weekends a month + holidays but it means abandonment according to BMs)

It pains me to know that children dont care about their parents feelings and sacrifice and hard work to raise them....1 day/year isnt going to kill them

TheAccidentalSM's picture

Mother's day, Valentines, Father's, etc, etc.  There is usually a "special" menu that is over priced.  The best team members will have traded the day off if they possibily can.  And the restaurant will be packed so the staff who are working don't have the time to give you the best service.

Find a friend and get a picnic from a deli plus drinks of choice and go spend the day at the beach or somewhere chill if the beach is going to be overrun with Mother's day folks.

Lifer33's picture

I'd think of something you want to do for yourself and just do it.

One of the nicest mothers days I had was when I asked hubby to get the kids out from under my feet for a whole day, he said well what will you? I did all the gardening in my peace and quiet 

AgedOut's picture

It's supposed to be a day to celebrate Moms. You are a Mom as well. You go right ahead and spend your day your way, just for you!!


I have a SS and two grown sons. My two are married. A year or two ago I realized I was waiting for the boys to plan for Mom's day. So I stopped waiting. This year w/ no other moms to celebrate, I'm planning my own day and if my two remember ..great but if not I'll be at a baseball game.