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step mom/ step daughter jealousy

pillowgirl_99@yahoo.com's picture

My husband and I have been been married for 2 years. He has a 20 year old stepdaughter. He was never in love with her mother so from the time SD was born, she got ALL of his love and attention. Then I came along. My husband and I actually were each others first boyfriend/girlfriend at 16 years old. We dated for a while then broke up and we did not see or hear from each other for 30 years. We both got married to other people and then divorced. My husband and i reconnected on Facebook. A real love story indeed.

I moved in with him for 1 year so that he could be with his daughter till she finished high school. After she finished high school, My husband and I moved from Georgia back to Missouri where we both grew up. That was the plan before I moved in with him and before we got married. His daughter had a choice to come to Missouri to be with us but she has stayed in Georgia for now.

The problem I have, is the relationship between my husband and SD. He poured his whole life in her and is like obsessed with her. It drives me so mad and causes me to be so jealous. He will drop anything for her even if it is not an emergency. If we are having date night and she calls or texts, he will answer immediately. I feel with her being 20 years old, we should be able to have a few hours without accepting calls/texts from either of our kids. When I lived with them, she would be taking a shower, naked, wet and yell for him to come in the bathroom, she needed a towel, or shampoo, or whatever. As a new wife and in our "honeymoon stage", he would leave me a note on the bathroom mirror or my lunchbox for work but, he would leave her a note in her bathroom on her mirror and her lunchbox as well. I feel like the only difference between his daughter and myself is he has sex with me. One time we were home alone and in the bedroom doing what husband and wife do and she walked in the house. He dropped me cold turkey and went in the living room to talk to her. It made me so mad, we got into one of our biggest arguments ever that night. Like he doesnt want her seeing or knowing we have an intimate relationship. Ridiculous! He always would text her goodnight and that he loved her every single night before he went to bed. She would usually be out with friends or working when we went to bed. Especially after her graduating I just hated that he kept doing this. We would both be ready for bed and he would go in the bathroom with his phone and text her. I would be in be waiting for him, knowing he is texting some other woman. She is not 10 years old anymore and doesnt need to be told good night. He has all day to text her and call her to let her know he loves her. When we do get into an argument, he will call her and talk bad about me. I never call my sons when my husband and I argue. Our kids do not need to know when we argue and what we argue about. All that did was put more jealousy, tension and stress in the relationship between his daughter and I. Anytime anything is mentioned with his daughter, he automatically goes in this defense mode for her. He will always defend her over me or put me down if it will make her look better.

I Know my husband loves me and is crazy about me. But his daughter is number one and always will be. I need help in dealing with this. Any advise would be greatly appreciated.

Comments

ctnmom's picture

Ew. :sick:

Smomlosingit's picture

I'm going through kind of the same thing. My SD13 is number one over anyone. We even had a son together and she's still top of the list. It's a daddy/ daughter thing. It's never been to the point where doing our thing was stopped however, but it's been little things that drive you mad. Always wanting her to pick the activity for the rest of the people in the house, or asking her how she feels about something and it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks or feels. My neighbor also has the same problem. Her husband has a daughter 21 and he'll leave his wife and son at home for vacations with his daughter. Lavish vacations like the Hoover Dam vacations...I wish more men would see an issue a little bit when it comes to their wives and perhaps other children they have. It's very frustrating. I hope you find an answer because I would love some advice on how to deal with it as well.